Dreams of a happy and fulfilling life can remain unfulfilled for years. Most people who suffer from self-dislike cannot communicate normally with others and spend the lion's share of their time digging for themselves, continuing to find flaws in themselves. Accepting yourself magically changes life radically, opening up endless possibilities. People understand that meeting is easy and pleasant, and living without thinking about your imperfection is much easier. Having changed radically, many will even be surprised at how they used to be puzzled by the question "how to love yourself?" There are simple tips, thanks to which anyone can accept himself.
Find the root cause
This may seem like a difficult task, but self-dislike is not taken from nowhere. As experience shows, most often the root of such hostility comes from childhood.
Many of those who have problems accepting themselves have been harassed in school. Caustic ridicule of peers, boycotts, feeling out of place in the classroom ... All this strongly beats the self-esteem of children and teenagers. They do not understand why peers reject them. Why others are becoming popular are considered the favorites of students and teachers. If a person knows these feelings, he still remembers the school with a shudder, then, most likely, the reason for dislike for himself lies in this.
Sometimes the parents add fuel to the fire. Wishing the child only good, they are trying to motivate him to new achievements. But phrases like "but Olya again received a certificate for winning the Olympiad, and you?" or “Dima learns better than you in all subjects” more often than not encourage a child to do something, but destroy his self-esteem. Parents should not behave so that the child tried to deserve their love. A child should be a priori loved, to feel the support of the closest people, no matter what he did, regardless of his successes and failures. Unfortunately, not all parents understand this, sincerely wondering later why their son or daughter suffers from not taking themselves.
Bad relationships, especially the first, are another reason for self-dislike. Probably, almost everyone had unrelated feelings, only for someone they became an experience, and for someone - painful memories and a reason to worry about their own shortcomings. People from whom your loved ones leave are often sure that the reason lies in them. They were not attentive enough, not beautiful enough, not interesting enough to him ... Few people make allowances for other factors. If, even after many years, a person cannot forget an old romance, reproaches himself and considers himself unworthy to be loved, then obviously he needs to change his attitude to himself.
Forgive your offenders
"What else, forgive those who ruined my life," many will say and will be ... wrong. No one forces a person to look for the numbers of former classmates who humiliated him, call them for a meeting, try to make friends. Such radicalism is superfluous. It’s about getting the negative out of your head. To do this, you may have to remember a lot of what happened in previous years. High school students who hid a briefcase or threw a brand new pencil case out the window. Nasty girl-neighbor, called out at meetings. The first love, in response to the confession of contempt laughed in the face. Relatives comparing with more successful peers during family conversations. People keep all this in their heads, perhaps, often remembering and even inventing plans for revenge, which are clearly late for ... eleven years.
Everything that happened was a peculiar experience, even if not the best. Yes, such an attitude on the part of others influenced at one time, but this is absolutely not a reason to accumulate offenses, cherish them for many years and be angry at those who allegedly destroyed their whole lives. School offenders are in the past. They have grown up a long time ago, many have got their own families and have probably forgotten about those whom they laughed at.
It is necessary to forgive offenders. Children are cruel and try to assert themselves at the expense of others, relatives are unlikely to wish evil, and the first lover had the right not to have any feelings in response. You can try to forgive offenders, do not curse them and just forget. It would be more rational to spend time on those who are dear and close. And, first of all, on himself.
Take your body and care for it
No, this does not mean that it is worth standing for days in front of a mirror and repeating "I am the most beautiful person in this world, I am perfect, there is no one better than me, I love myself so much." Such actions have no effect, most often they either just start to make people laugh and annoy, or they can lead to pseudo-high self-esteem. This is clearly not the main goal, right?
To take your body is to treat it carefully, not to curse yourself for folds and stretch marks, not to torture it with an apple-style diet for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The body is one for life, man is inseparable from it. If you still can not fall in love, you can try to accept at least the fact that this is primarily a functional shell. Providing body care, a person does everything to make it "serve" longer and more efficiently.
None of us chooses the type of figure at birth, but everyone is able to make the body healthy and well-groomed. It is worth taking care of him and taking him as an integral part of yourself.
Do not shame yourself
Not the best idea - to scroll through all the failures in my head, each time telling myself something like "I could / could have done differently", "I messed up / messed up everything", "I am weak / weak" and the like. Learning from mistakes is fine, but self-blame does not apply. It does not bring anything good - on the contrary, it only destroys and takes energy.
Do not be ashamed of yourself for low self-esteem. It will not get rid of her. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, a person must accept that while he still does not love himself. It happened because of some circumstances, but he intends to deal with it. This means a willingness to give an account that he may make mistakes, indulge in despondency, but at the same time not reproach himself. Why create obstacles for yourself - there are enough of those in the world who are ready to stick sticks in wheels with others. The main goal is to love yourself and find harmony with your own body and thoughts, and not to suffer from heavy thoughts and feelings of shame for any wrong step.
Self-esteem should not depend on the environment
There will always be those who are sympathetic to the person, and those who for some reason do not like him. Do not be dependent on praise or criticism. Both are important to be able to listen, but pass through the internal filter. No other people decide how interesting their interlocutor is and how he looks today. Their opinion and sense of self are different things. When a person learns to listen first to himself, and not to his friends / relatives / relatives, and to understand what he likes in his own appearance and personality, it becomes much easier to live.
Do not compare yourself with other people.
Perhaps this is the most important rule. Psychologists say that a person who does not love himself often draws attention to the best traits of other people, comparing them with his worst qualities. The result is deplorable - the attitude towards oneself becomes even worse, the thoughts “I am worse than others”, “I am not worthy”, “I am mediocrity” and others appear in my head, and others that obviously do not contribute to loving myself.
You should not even compare yourself with those who are far behind in some area. Better to focus on your life. It will not be superfluous to realize exactly what you want. Everyone is worthy of taking care of themselves, loving themselves and living without looking at other people, without constant comparisons and experiences about their imperfections. Anyone can find some flaws, but this is just an indication that he is a living person of flesh and blood.
It is necessary to understand - the ideal does not exist, people with flawless figure, skin and facial features are only on the pages of glossy magazines, and the most intelligent on this planet also sometimes feel like fools. Objectively, all people are simply different from each other, there is no one better or worse.
Do not tell others about your shortcomings.
If a person wants to incite the people around him, then stories about how ugly, stupid and unsure of themselves he is are a great solution. However, it is unlikely that at least someone is seeking this. Speaking to others about their shortcomings, people “program” interlocutors for a certain attitude. Surrounding believe the speaker; they are subconsciously convinced that a person knows himself better than anyone. And if you talk only about the bad, then others will be sure - in fact, everything is as it is, and you should not even get involved with it.
If you want to change yourself, you should work on it, get rid of what you don’t like. But do not tune others against yourself. At the same time trying to please everyone - a failed undertaking. Old as the world, the advice that you have to be yourself and behave simply and naturally acts.
Understand what you really want
This means forgetting what the parents demanded or impose acquaintances. If medicine does not attract, then what's the point of graduating from the appropriate university and doing an unloved thing all my life? The same goes for the hobby. Even if someone laughs at the fact that a person in adulthood sculpts from clay, glues models of ships and watches cartoons, just do not pay attention. Lesson brings pleasure, and this is important. There is no need to chase fashion, imitate someone, doing what makes you upset. It is important to do everything to make you comfortable and interesting.
In fact, everyone already loves himself
People often do not think about what actions are behind the thoughts of "I can not stand myself." Despite this "dislike", the majority continues to cook their own food, take care of themselves, choose the right clothes (hardly anyone will go out in the cold in a thin jacket or in the summer in a fur coat). People will not specifically watch movies that they do not like, and choose a movie for the soul. They try to see more often those who like them and avoid unpleasant people. This is a concern, and it can be called one of the manifestations of love. If everyone already loves himself, where does the thought of the opposite come from?
Each of us has a sea of possibilities, plans and desires. We must begin with an understanding of how to love yourself. By accepting yourself, you are taking the first and already significant step towards making your life much better. Absolutely everyone in this world is worthy of being loved and happy. And you are no exception.
