Obedient child - any mom's dream.
Does not argue, does not indulge, is not distracted from study.
The ideal picture, which in real life does not occur Almost never.
Causes of disobedience and methods of exposure
Why the child does not obey, and what should parents do?
In 2-3 years
The age of 2-3 years is considered protest.
The vocabulary of the baby expands and often the favorite word becomes "no."
it natural course of events for this period.
But, reasons for disobedience There may be not only age features, but also other factors:
- indulging all the whims of a child pushes him to think of further “bending” parents;
- excessive severity and excessive demands cause the desire to do the opposite;
- the lack of a single line of conduct among parents and other significant relatives, for example, the baby is sure that if the mother did not allow something, you can ask for the same thing from the grandmother.
How to behave an adultwhen the child does not obey:
- Constantly talk, explain how to behave, and how - no, including the obvious things (for a small person, they are not).
- Reduce requirements, if they clearly do not correspond to the age of the son or daughter (for example, do not expect that a child in 3 years will read smartly).
- Just close on some blunder eyes due to the fact that we are talking about the baby, and not about a teenager.
- Think through reasonable punishment, be sure to explain it (for example, do not give some toys until it starts to put them in place).
In 4-5 years
From the point of view of psychologists, a crisis of 4-5 years does not exist, therefore there are not so many prerequisites for the vagaries of the children.
The main reason for disobedience is often lack of attention.
It happens that mom and dad are very busy people and it’s difficult for them to devote enough time to a little man.
Then baby attracts attention bad behavior, then at least they begin to educate him.
Other causes of bad behavior:
- the pampered kid and the desire that everything was “according to him”;
- resentment of parents due to unfulfilled promises, frequent punishments or unflattering comments ("empty head");
- feeling unwell.
How to solve a problem:
- Be sure to understand the reasons and focus on them.
- Allocate for the child at least a little time, which will only be his, for example, evening joint games.
- Do not use offensive nicknames and statements, if this has already happened - to apologize.
- Always keep their promises, kids remember their disappointed hopes for a long time.
At 6-7
The upcoming crisis of 7 years of age due to the fact that the child begins vividly aware of oneself as an individual.
In addition, the main activity varies from game to school, and this is a complete change in lifestyle.
Other reasons that the child has ceased to obey:
- the desire to imitate adults translates into mannered behavior;
- childish spontaneity is lost, the child is suspended, it is difficult to “reach out” to him;
- there is a need for praise not only from loved ones, but also from other people: if this is lacking, a boy or girl can become irritable.
How to handle:
- Give more leeway, assign simple duties - so the child will feel its importance.
- Recognize a son or daughter as an adult enough to were entitled to their mood: sadness, desire for privacy.
- Give an opportunity release aggression: buy a punching bag home, enroll the child in the sports section.
8-10
At this age, the child becomes especially attentive to adult behavior.
He perfectly notices when one is declared, and another is done and takes this technique.
Other reasons for disobedience:
- unresolved problems in school, about which the child is shy or afraid to tell parents;
- authoritarian upbringing of the father (less often - the mother), if it is a boy, this is how he expresses his protest;
- too democratic family relations, which is why a growing up person perceives parents as peers.
Solution to the problem:
- Ask your son or daughter how things are at school, be sincere interest.
- Soften requirements to the child or conversely contribute element of rigorif the attitude towards him is soft, on the verge of connivance.
- Make sure that the words of the parent never did not disagree with the case.
The baby does not obey only mother
It happens that a child obeys everyone: father, grandmother, educator, teachers, but not mother.
In this case, mothers fall into two extremes: they blame everyone around (those whom they obey) or only themselves (“I am a bad mother!”).
Both positions are wrong. In fact no one is to blame.
There are several reasons for whims in mom’s society:
- The child relaxes and feels safe. All day long he was leading himself in kindergarten or school, which is tiring. And mother is the most dear person, with her you can finally become yourself. This is not a problem and you do not need to do anything with such behavior, if it does not go beyond a reasonable framework.
- There is no set order at homesuch as in kindergarten or visiting grandmother. Then it is worth reviewing the daily routine of the family in favor of the more familiar to the son or daughter.
- There is no unity between relatives. For example, dad says to stop the game and go to bed, and mom allows you to extend the pleasure.
All relatives need to agree on a single manner of education, so that the little man has no doubt who to listen to.
- The child imitates mom. If the mother herself is emotional and not too restrained, then the boy or girl copies her behavior. Here you can think of how to direct the general energy in the right direction: play together in outdoor games, go for a walk.
Why the child does not listen to the teacher?
A rare case when a child does not obey tutors at all.
It often happens that one teacher listens to the child, and the second does not.
Possible reasons:
- The teacher has not yet gained enough experience.
- There are too many children in the group, it is difficult to reach everyone.
- The teacher is not quite right organizing leisure wards: distracted by people who came into the group for a long time switches to methodical work.
Of course, it’s not worthwhile to sort things out with the caregiver, this may exacerbate the situation.
What you need to do: explain to the child that tutor - absolute authority, Do not speak negatively about the teacher when the baby can hear.
Sometimes the motive for bad behavior in the garden becomes the condition of the child himself: not enough attention at home and he is trying to get it elsewhere or, on the contrary, the child’s parents are the center of attention, and the educator cannot give such an exceptional attitude.
After all, baby may worry about family troubles or feel bad. Then you need to find out a certain reason for disobedience and eliminate it.
How to bring up?
Child disobedience is always protest.
Well, even if open, with the hidden deal much more difficult.
Usually baby protesting attitude: attempts by parents to force them to do what they don’t want or, on the contrary, to stop doing what they like.
For example: a son or a daughter enthusiastically draws, and mother insistently calls for dinner at this particular moment. The child refuses, is capricious, the mother is nervous, and sometimes breaks down to cry. Total: all upset and offended at each other.
Similar situations can be solve peacefully:
- Putting yourself in the place of a little man.
It is unlikely that my mother will like it if she watches an interesting film, but she is pulled and urged to do something that can be postponed even for a while. The baby feels the same.
- Offer an alternative: "Let me help you remove the paint, we'll go together for lunch, and then I will see how you draw."
- Take into account the real needs of the child. If what he does is important to him, it is permissible to postpone other cases to a later time.
- Show a positive example. When a boy or girl sees that the parents are first engaged in the necessary, even if routine tasks, and only after that they switch to entertainment (TV, computer, books) - they will take on this behavior pattern.
There are several ways that will help to correct the behavior of a naughty child:
- always keep yourself in hand: not to raise your voice, not to insult, and especially not to raise your hand, all this is considered a weakness by the growing up person;
- take into account the features the nature of the child: to achieve absolute obedience from the leader by nature is difficult, and not necessary, it is better to give him important assignments so that he feels his importance;
- to distinguish when a son or daughter actually heard the parents, and when they just pretendedin order to continue to do it your way; pronounce and explain why you need to do so as many times as necessary;
- never cite other kids, it hurts and will cause the opposite effect: the desire to remain yourself without having to reach for the perfect “son of Aunt Sveta”.
Psychology tips
Children's psychologists have some general recommendations on how to teach a child to obey their parents.
The main thing is to start earning parental authority as soon as possible, directly from the birth of the baby.
Steps that help grow a child listening to parents:
- Extension suitable for babies up to 3 years. He does what he likes, and his relatives cheer him up: “How great you jump, come again!”.
- Praise for each episode when the child did what he was asked for.
- To teach a child control the body: suitable outdoor games, sports sections. In humans, body coordination and sequence of behavior are closely interrelated.
- Agree on an equal footing, explain the consequences of each act.
- Do not give a reaction on excessive whims, doing what is necessary.
- Not only do not overstate requirements (to learn 5 foreign languages to a two-year-old baby, for example), but also do not underestimate (A 7-year-old student is able to dress and put on his own).
- Delegate part of the responsibilities around the house and learn to bear responsibility for them. “Forgot to wash the dishes? Then now you postpone the game and go to the kitchen ”(starting from primary school age).
These steps will gradually teach the child to do what the parents are asking, without further controversy.
Opinion Komarovsky
Evgeny Olegovich Komarovsky brought out three rules for the education of the child obedience:
- Do not bend under any circumstances.if the desires of the child are unreasonable. For the same reason, to minimize the influence of grandmothers - they tend to be led by naughty grandchildren.
- Use restrictions rarely, but always fulfill them. A son or daughter should know that the word "can not" is non-negotiable.
- If the father or mother cannot resist shouting and assault, then they need to educate themselves. When you don't manage to cope on your own, a trip to a family psychologist will be beneficial.
How to talk with a child so that he can hear adults is well written American psychologists Adel Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
Their main advice: to show sympathy and to stand in the place of a son or daughter.
A conversation in the spirit: "I understand that you are tired and it is hard for you to immediately take lessons." will bring more benefits, than the mandative "Sit down for textbooks immediately!".
The tone of the conversation with the little man should be friendly, and not from the position of "top". In addition, it is worth refraining from pointing out obvious things (“If you don’t put ice cream in the fridge, it will melt”).
It may seem to the child that his mother considers him stupid. Even if he makes a mistake, the next time he will listen to his parents.
And finally: out of initiative children grow up out of children who unconditionally obey any older person.
Psychologists say that children with a high level of intelligence tend not to always listen to parents. Therefore, disobedience is a normal stage in the development of a child.
Why the child does not obey? Psychological advice to parents:
