People often hide their true emotions, not wanting to open up to others or put friends in an awkward position.
Fear to confide even someone who does not have problems with social adaptation persecutes someone.
But sometimes it is sincere conversation helps to lose the burden of negative emotions and survive difficult life situations.
What does it mean?
Need for communication - one of the basic human needs.
People, as social elements, are eager to share their thoughts, feelings and emotions with other people.
But often conversations turn into a set of formal phrases and the exchange of courtesy. After all, this requires etiquette! You can ask about his health and successes of the interlocutor.
But to enter the territory of "personal archives" is strictly prohibited. Surrounding can regard this as an unhealthy curiosity.
And after such superficial conversations people feel lonelysuffer from unrequited thoughts and accuse others of indifference.
A heart-to-heart talk is a conversation with a high degree of frankness, during which the interlocutors raise their concerns to get rid of heavy thoughts and experiences, to get support or to hear from others.
A prerequisite for such a conversation is trust interlocutors to each other. Otherwise, honestly talk about your feelings, mean thoughts and personal position will not work (in view of the heightened sense of anxiety).
Most often, a heartfelt conversation takes place in a one-to-one format.
Why do people sometimes need such talk?
Human communication needs According to the version of L.I. Marisova is expressed in nine groups:
- need for another person and building relationships;
- the need to belong to society;
- the need for empathy;
- the need for care, help and support;
- the need for assistance, support and care for other members of the social community;
- the need to create business relationships for further cooperation;
- the need to share experiences and knowledge;
- the need for evaluation by members of society, their respect;
- the need to develop a single version of the objective world, which will be accepted by other members of society.
High-quality communication with other people helps to maintain mental health and solve current problems, using the help of members of the social community.
But sometimes people limit communication, not allowing the conversation to go to a deeper and personal level. This significantly reduces the quality of communication. Business and superficial conversations do not allow to cover most of the needs.
A "cry in the vest" from time to time is a must.
In any controversial or difficult situation, a person leads inner monologue.
He tries to answer questions about why this situation happened to him and how to survive this situation. A person can also blame himself or others, circumstances or fate.
Heartfelt and sincere conversation in this case will be an excellent therapy. The presence of an attentive and companionable interlocutor will allow you to:
- Reduce the degree of tension. When a person accumulates a negative, he looks like a bomb with a delayed duration. Sooner or later hide anger / irritation / despair will be impossible.
But if you speak through these emotions and discuss the reason for their appearance, the internal tension will weaken.
- Objectively assess the situation. During an internal monologue, a person winds himself up, exaggerates and panics even where panic might not be. Therefore, an unbiased opinion of the interlocutor on the situation and his objective assessment of this situation will help put everything in its place.
- Feel support. While one person listens to the experiences and inner thoughts of another person, each of the interlocutors closes communication needs. A sense of support and trust, sincerity and interest have a beneficial effect on the emotional state.
- Getting rid of social masks. People use social masks so often that they merge with them. As a result, it becomes very difficult to hear your inner voice. The real and invented image come into conflict. Sincere conversation implies a temporary refusal of any masks. And this means that the interlocutors get the opportunity to hear and understand not only the interlocutor, but also their inner child.
- Assessment by a representative of society. Having made a mistake, a person is afraid to tell about it. The fear of getting appreciation of others haunts constantly. Mentally, a person condemns himself with all severity, leaving no chance for pardon.
But if you talk about your mistake during a spiritual conversation, you can get a social assessment and finally end yourself condemning yourself.
Why do some people not like to talk heart to heart?
The reluctance to enter into close contact with people and to conduct spiritual conversations can be motivated by a variety of reasons.
The most common reason is attachment to the "social mask" or previously selected image. For example, a person plays the role of a relaxed and successful conqueror of women's hearts.
And gradually he himself begins to believe in what he is. But at a certain moment he is overtaken by feelings about unrequited love. To admit to someone in their problems is to destroy the image of the lady's man.
And a man so long and diligently plays his part, that already lost the true identity and forgot about her values. And removing the mask, he risks remaining “nobody.”
Also, people do not enter into spiritual conversations due to fear of stumbling upon a wall of misunderstanding.
And what if the interlocutor devalue the experience? Suddenly he will not understand or condemn? Or maybe he just would not be interested to hear complaints and groans? And as a result, the person suffering from the “mental storm” includes his charming on-duty smile and has a small talk.
Lack of experience or negative experience can also affect the reluctance to engage in spiritual conversations. If a person simply does not know how to behave, on what topics it is better not to speak and what topics can be raised, it will be hard for him to open up.
One more reason - steady habit.
If before a man coped with his experiences in splendid isolation, he was used to doing so.
Most likely, in a similar situation, he would prefer to avoid frank conversation and resort to proven behavior strategy.
Negative attitudes do serious harm to people. They make it difficult to build social contacts. And if a person is confident that the people around them are hypocrites or egoists, he does not see the point in sincere and frank conversations.
Negative attitudes that impede contact can be any: “All people are only interested in their problems,” “It’s good for others only when I feel bad,” and so on.
Who can you talk to when you need it?
It is easiest to talk with the soul relatives or close friends. You can trust a person whose loyalty does not have to doubt. But at the same time it will be better if the potential interlocutor has the following qualities:
- does not have a tendency to instant assessment;
- can express his opinion, and not just assent;
- able to manage your emotions;
- able to cope with difficult life situations;
- has a proactive stance.
In fact, there are no clear rules and principles for choosing an interlocutor for a spiritual conversation.
It may be any person of trust and disposition, while ready to listen and support.
Most often people choose this role:
- parents;
- sisters or brothers;
- partners (husband / wife / boyfriend / girlfriend);
- friends;
- colleagues (subject to companionship and lack of competition).
An important place in the list is occupied by "random people". Sometimes it is easier for a person to open up, knowing that it is hardly possible to see him again.
According to this principle, spiritual conversations are made between bar visitors, fellow travelers on the train, hairdressers and their clients etc.
What if there is no such person?
If no one from your environment is suitable for the role of a potential interlocutor, you should not carry the burden of experiences in yourself. Speak out and cry out very important.
Otherwise, a person may face a number of problems, ranging from emotional instability and ending with psychosomatic diseases.
Get support and attention from a specialist. Psychologist not just listen, but also help to cope with emotions, restore spiritual harmony.
Do not hesitate to visit a psychologist. After all, the desire to take care of your mental health on a par with physical is a sign of a developed intellect and freedom from prejudice.
Alternative to the psychologist - hot line. You can find contact information for customer support in a particular city using directories and the Internet. A conversation in the hotline mode allows you to speak without fear of spoiling your reputation or losing credibility.
You can find a buddy in passers-by and fellow travelers, with whom you have to spend a long time together. Do you go in one direction in a deserted area? Or are you on a long-distance bus? The conversation will help pass the time and reset the load from the soul.
If emotions interfere with breathing freely, you need to speak out.
There is no way to find a buddy?
You can talk about their anxieties, troubles and experiences pet, plants or even a favorite toy. This may seem ridiculous.
And such an interlocutor will not give any practical advice. But if you say the problem out loud, it will become much easier. And the need to address your story to your interlocutor will force you to clearly articulate thoughts (i.e., it will help to sort out the problem “on the shelves” and understand it in detail).
Do not be afraid of emotional conversations. They have healing powers. And sincerity in modern society is still relevant, just people are hiding behind masks, fearing misunderstanding.
It is worth taking the first step - and the other party will open in response.
Friend or psychologist? Who to talk heart to heart with:
