It is no secret that negative emotions adversely affect health. If a person strongly hates someone, then he may develop psychosomatic diseases, difficulties in his personal life and self-realization. Particularly affected are girls and women who experience negative emotions towards dad. At the thought of “I hate my father”, the ability to love and trust men in principle is blocked. If hatred is caused by violence from the Pope, then the woman can further attract to her the same aggressive people, so to speak, unconsciously play the "role of the victim." Girls who did not know fatherly love often have low self-esteem.
With boys things are a little better. They are less sensitive and vulnerable. But here, too, hatred of the father can severely cripple fate. With the constant attacks of the father on the mother, the boy can reject his masculine essence, becomes feminine, or adopt a model of his behavior towards his wife and children.
What is hate and why does it arise?
Hate father is never groundless. Usually, its cause is hidden in some traumatic event. Most often, hatred is caused by the aggressive behavior of the pope, drinking, going to another family, and a bad attitude towards the mother. The feeling of contempt, similar to hatred, can arise if the father is endowed with a weak character, does not work, complains about life, cannot provide for a family.
But what is hate? In fact, hate is the same love, only colored by negative colors. It is impossible to hate a person who is indifferent.
In the situation with the father, the mechanism of hate appearance is quite simple. A child needs the love and care of a parent; it is a natural instinct necessary for survival. Without a response, or even worse, when confronted with violence, the child becomes frustrated, angry, feels despair of not being able to get pleasure and joy from being close to his beloved loved one. Love hardens, crusted with bitter resentment and hatred. That is why children who hate their fathers often run from trying to earn attention and love to cold contempt and alienation. Anyway, the bond of parents and children is the strongest.
How to stop hating your father?
Dealing with a sense of hatred for the father is difficult. It can take years, even decades. But it's better late because never? So, what to do:
- Stop angry with the father from the position of the child.
- Understand why he became so.
- Throw out all nagat and forgive.
- Build communication with the father from the perspective of an adult.
If the offenses are very strong and literally interfere with living, it is better to go this way along with a psychologist. Serious childhood injuries, such as the rape of a father, the killing of a mother are almost impossible to resolve on their own.
How to overcome childhood grievances to the father?
"I hate my father for not providing for our family." "I hate him for betraying and running away from us." "I hate this drunkard." "I remember how he beat his mother, and I could not do anything, could not protect her. I hate him."
All these statements are characteristic of a child who needs a father. If you are 18 or older, you are already an adult. You have grown up and are no longer dependent on your father. A new stage of life has begun, where soon you yourself will have to become a parent. We need to be prepared for this in every possible way: learn a profession, get a job, choose a good partner for creating a family.
Why continue to hate your father? The past does not change. Good or bad, but it is part of you. All the traumatic events played a role in the formation of your personality. These traits need to identify and learn to use for good.
Practical task. Stay alone and quiet and roll through the most traumatic events from childhood. Imagine that they do not happen to you, but to your child. Try to calm and comfort this baby. Explain, to the best of our abilities, why this is all happening to him.
Advice of the author. Unfortunately, good fathers are rare. Thousands of children grow up in single-parent families, in orphanages, are subjected to violence, every day they see how the father drinks and beats the mother. This experience is traumatic, of course, but it provides an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson. A lesson like you can never do.
How to understand his actions?
Probably, it’s hard for you to imagine that your father was once a cute child, sculpted paschka in the sandbox and did not foretell any trouble. But that was exactly the case. None of the people will ever say: "I’m growing up and I will be an alcoholic, I’ll beat and offend my children." No, everything happens differently. A person becomes "bad" under the influence of certain circumstances, difficulties, blows of fate. To stop hating your father, you need to understand why he became so.
Practical task. Keep track of your father's life. Interrogate grandparents, neighbors, mother on the subject of events that happened in his life. Write down the information on the sheet, so as not to forget. When the picture is folded, imagine yourself in his place.
Throw out the negative and forgive
Hate combines many different feelings. This is an insult, and disappointment, contempt, anger, self-pity. To stop spoiling life, it is important to let hate out. How to do it:
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Print the photo of the father, attach it to the pillow. - Give him all that boiled. Tell me how he hurt you.
- Call out, scold, beat the pillow with his image, weep.
- Continue the session until the resentment and anger runs out, and inside there is a void.
Print the photo of the father, attach it to the pillow.Sometimes it may take several sessions. Repeat them every day, many times, until you feel that you are no longer able to get angry. When you notice a serious relief of a negative, check your condition with a small test. Imagine a father and say, "I forgive you." If the phrase comes easy, then you can stop beating the pillow. It is time to move on.
Build a painless relationship with your father
Once you understand that your father is an unhappy person and forgive him for his actions, you need to learn to communicate with him again. This should be a communication of two adults, built on mutual respect. Practical tips:
- Start from scratch. Do not stoop to accusations or insults.
- If you have the strength and desire, try to help your father take the right path.
- Find common topics for conversation, or better yet a general lesson.
- Start devoting more time to self-development.
Perhaps in time you will be able to make friends with your father. We all make mistakes, and if a person is aware of them, then you need to give him a chance. If in your opinion the situation is hopeless, and communication with the parent causes only pain, then it is necessary to move away for a while. When living together will be the right to think about moving. In this case, do not forget that with time the situation may change.
Advice of the author. Children who hate their father often have complaints about their mother: “not protected,” “not driven away,” “tolerated bullying”. It is very important to work out the injuries inflicted by both parents. Understand, forgive, and try not to repeat their mistakes.
Hate in adolescence
The relationship of parents and teenagers are rarely perfect. From about 12-13 years old children begin to grow up. They want to learn and "conquer" this world, to test themselves for strength.
Many parents do not understand this and begin to punish and place bans more than ever: "no gulek", "you will be late for a minute, you will stay at home for a week", "just try to bring a deuce, blow out", "you did not clean the room, it means you will be left without a computer and tablet. " Fathers are especially unrestrained in terms of educational measures. They do not understand that it is too late to punish a child at this age. At a minimum, he will hate his parents, and at most, he will run away from home at all.
In this situation, you need to work with parents and with the child. A father must learn to be a friend, a mentor, an example, and a mother a helper and a friend. The teenager, in turn, needs to try to be more restrained, treats parents with respect, listen and trust.
Probably, in any ideal world, every child lives in a complete family with a loving dad and mom. But the reality is different. That is life. It is necessary to accept imperfect relations with the father as a given and, if possible, try to change them.
Lada, Vyshny Volochyok
