Parents of the younger generation are wondering: how to communicate with a teenager.
Problems arise in many families, since transition age is considered one of the most difficult.
Psychology
Growing up, the child wants to gain more and more independence.
But parents continue to control him, trying to ensure safety and proper education.
The problem is that sometimes the pressure is unnecessary, and the child begins to resist. As a result, deviant behavior, aggression, leaving the house, getting into dangerous companies.
If the child is only forbidden, he will begin to do everything in secret. However, if you leave it without full control, he will not be able to assess for himself what is permissible to do and what is absolutely impossible. Important keep the middle ground.
In communicating with adolescents, first of all, it is necessary to gain trust so that the child could calmly tell his parents about his problems and worries without fear of condemnation and punishment.
In psychology, adolescence is studied separately, and it is not by chance, it has own features and difficultiesfaced by parents and teachers.
Features of communication with adults and peers
Adults with the entry of a child in adolescence more and more lose their credibility.
But small social groups become important for a teenager.
It focuses on subculture, fashion trends, features of communication in his circle. At the same time, parents may not like with whom their child contacts, what is interested in.
This causes conflicts. In this case, there is no mutual understanding and respect of parents to the interests of the child.
Parents:
- are members of the family in which the child is forced to live;
- gradually lose credibility, especially if there is no mutual respect and trust in the family;
- are people to be feared.
Again, this happens because of the loss of trust and constant punishment for any reason.
Peers:
- taken into a social group or rejected;
- have similar interests;
- more significant in terms of communication, exchange of views;
- are interesting in terms of communication with the opposite sex;
- can pull a teenager into illegal activities;
- are an example to which the child is oriented.
Relationship issues
Confidence in a teenager depends largely on his success among peers.
If he is rejected, he feels his difference, uselessness, loneliness.
The child may have the following Problems:
- low self-esteem;
- overly high self-esteem;
- aggressiveness towards individual peers;
- care in yourself;
- fear of communication with the opposite sex;
- fear of speaking in front of a large group of people, the need to speak in front of the class;
- lack of friends, inability to make new acquaintances and maintain friendship;
- aggressive behavior when parents try to interfere in their life, control, impose certain behavior, style of dress, the need to learn.
It is important for parents to understand that hormonal alteration of the organism occurs, and this affects the psychological state of the child, his behavior, reactions to the effects and stresses.
Why don't parents understand teenagers?
Parents are another generation their stereotypes behavior.
The social environment is changeable, and as a result, the older generation is more difficult to understand the younger.
In addition, parents forget how they felt and led as a teenager. It seems to them that they didn't give parents any problems, but actually behaved as their daughter or son is behaving.
The level and direction of thinking of adults and children is also different.
Parents continue to consider a teenager as a child, while he has a need and desire to be an adult and to behave accordingly.
How to bring them up?
To start raising a child should be from infancy. But many parents forget it, in the end a spoiled teen grows upwhich is difficult to control. However, with a certain patience, the situation is really adjusted.
- To gain trust. If you promise something, then follow. If you do not plan to perform, then do not promise.
- Do not lie. Children feel a great lie. They lose confidence in their loved ones and learn to lie themselves. If parents lie, why not do it to children - something like these thoughts arise in a teenager.
- Learn to handle money. Financial literacy, the ability to work, save, if necessary, it is important to bring up since childhood.
- Less critics. Children are very susceptible if they are criticized. From this they have reduced self-esteem. Especially dangerous criticism for children with a weak type of nervous system - melancholic.
- Give him a certain level of freedom. You cannot always control him, and the teenager must learn to be independent. As parents, it is scary for you to let the child go alone, but this is an important stage of education. Independent children grow up precisely because of total control and fears of parents.
Sex education
Sex education is aimed at the correct perception of one’s own and the opposite sex. Of great importance prevention of early onset of intimate life, sexually transmitted diseases and early pregnancy.
Parents should have a conversation with girls even before the first menstruation, tell how it happens and why. It is better if mother or grandmother takes care of this issue. It is also important for boys to explain issues of sexual relations and prevention.
Some publishers are releasing special literature for acquaintance of teenagers with features of a sexual life.
Nowadays, adolescents are quite active, so in some cases, prevention should be started from the age of 12, but the individual characteristics of an individual should be taken into account.
Parents should not ignore gender issues and postpone an important conversation for a long time. Unfortunately, in children, parents who did not take care of prevention on time often happen unwanted pregnancy and dangerous diseases are detected.
In addition to the problems of communication with peers, it is important to explain to the child how to protect himself from unlawful actions by adults.
How to talk with a child at 12, 13, 14 years?
A teenager at this age is still a child, but already wants to appear like an adult.
What to do:
- respect his right to express his own opinion, it teaches independent thinking;
- if it becomes necessary to point out a mistake, then do it not in the form of criticism, but in the form of advice on how to act better;
- set the scope of what is permitted and permitted;
- take care of the organization of the regime of the day;
- keep promises or do not give them, teach the same;
- learn to listen to your child, so you can see in time what problems he has and help him in a timely manner;
- do not curry favor, stop communicating with him as with a small child;
- appreciate his individuality, let's develop;
- do not conduct an interrogation with condemnation, predilection, irritation, so you only frighten a teenager and distance him from yourself;
- do not blame for what it bothers you, imposed, makes mistakes;
- be interested in his feelings, health, but not intrusive;
- Praise for the decisions made, noble deeds, achievements in studies, sports, development.
How to find a common language with a daughter or son?
Restoring trust is the first thing to do. Become him not a controller, but a friend, advisor. The child should not be afraid to share with you experiences and problems.
If parents try to criticize, get annoyed, ignore the problem when they try to ask their daughter or son, then the next time the child simply doesn’t contact you.
Typical mistakes of adults
No one is immune from mistakes, and there are no ideal parents. By assessing your behavior, you can prevent many problems.
Major mistakes:
- constant criticism;
- talking on high tones;
- bullying a child;
- teenager is not praised;
- no one is interested in his opinion;
- excessive custody;
- on the contrary, the lack of control by adults, the child is completely left to himself;
- forced to engage in activities that are interesting only from the point of view of parents, for example, preparing for an institute in a specialty that the child does not like at all.
Identifying what is wrong in interacting with a teenager will help confidential conversation. Listen to the child, understand his point of view.
Difficult teenager: what to do?
You need to be prepared for the fact that the period will have to endure, but do not let the situation take its course, but try to somehow influence the behavior of the child. In advanced cases it is recommended psychological counseling.
It is possible that you do not know about the problems and inner experiences of the child. The psychologist will help him to restore peace of mind, and parents will teach how to properly interact with him on the basis of individual characteristics.
How to communicate with difficult teenagers?
- accept their individuality;
- be patient;
- do not crush;
- do not let the situation take its course;
- interested in the life of a child, but not intrusive, he must himself want to share experiences and problems without fear of condemnation from adults;
- talking to him on an equal footing, teenagers do not like being considered children, they themselves feel already mature;
- to stop unnecessarily taking care of, to enable some issues to be solved independently.
How to cope with a difficult teenager? Applying punishment for any reason is not the best option.
In this case, the child moves away more and more, trust is lost, but the parents' fear is formed and the desire to contact them as little as possible.
To kid must find a lessonwhich will be interesting to him. Talk to him, listen to what he wants from life, perhaps he will be happy to play sports, go to courses or to groups.
Explain to the child why you have given him so little time that you had to work to support the family.
Parents should be an example, it is with them that a teenager learns a pattern of behavior and transfers him to the outside world.
Interaction rules from Gippenreiter
Julia Gippenreiter is a famous psychologist who has published many works on psychology. Basic rules of interaction with the child:
- Take its what it is.
- If a child is busy and does not ask for help, Keep out, give him the opportunity to cope with the task.
- Gradually give the baby more autonomy, take off care of affairs that a child can do.
- Don't hit baby
- Hug. Tactile sensations are important for the well-being of both children and adults.
- Come up with family traditionswhich will be interesting to the child and he will wait for them and fulfill them with joy.
- Child needs movementTherefore, to deprive him of his movement means to limit his opportunities and contribute to the occurrence of stress and neurosis. Give him the opportunity to move and explore.
- If we want to change something in children, then first we should pay attention to ourselves, most likely, these qualities and character traits is in ourselves.
- Order, rules of conduct we need not only parents but also children themselves. This makes their lives more understandable and predictable, and thus reduces the level of stress.
- Punish it is necessary, depriving the good, and not doing the bad.
- Express dissatisfaction with individual wrong actions, but not with the teenager as a whole. He must understand that bad is just his act, not himself.
Paying attention to the problems in the upbringing and behavior of a teenager, study the features of your family. The child does not become so himself, it is influenced by the environment, society, the attitude of loved ones.
Parenting a teenager to parents need to start with yourself first, changing their own behavior and tactics of communication with the child.
How to communicate with a teenager? Psychologist tips:
