The term "self-love" does not belong to the category of those that can be explained with the help of a couple of words. This is a rather broad concept with many manifestations. Unfortunately, not everyone came to this feeling and did not accept themselves entirely. The article will talk about what can be called self-love, why not confuse it with selfishness, and how confident people build long-term happy relationships.
What is self love
Self-love is the full acceptance of one's spiritual qualities, appearance; self care and self development. It can be argued that people do all of the above, that is, to a certain extent they love themselves. But many are still far from complete harmony with body and soul; they need to work on themselves, to realize why this is necessary.
Self-love is directly related to confidence. Aware of their own value will not be complexed, timid; he is not disturbed by the thoughts “what will the others think if I do that”, “will they not laugh at me”. This does not mean that one who loves himself does not think at all about the feelings of others. He knows how to care for loved ones, does not violate the personal boundaries of unfamiliar, casual interlocutors, but is ready to defend his interests, leaving behind the pressure of society.
Often those who love themselves are contemptuously called egoists. But the concept in this case is not quite accurate. Egoists can be called those who always put their own interests above all, are ready to go to any meanness. To some extent, we are all egoists, because first of all we take care of ourselves. However, pride and egoism are two different things. The first does not exclude sincere concern for others, warm feelings for loved ones, readiness to sacrifice. Egoists, on the other hand, are not capable of this, because their interests are usually limited to their own needs, needs, and desires.
What does it mean to love yourself
Forget about self-deprecation
Loving yourself means giving up self-blame. This does not mean that you should ignore all mistakes, continue to make mistakes and be confident in the correctness of the choice. To be able to draw conclusions, learn from mistakes, admit defeat, but not surrender is one thing, but constantly reproaching for wrong actions while engaging in self-deprecation is completely different.
In some situations, you need to be able to say "yes, I am wrong / and it was not worth it to behave like this," but this should not be combined with depressing thoughts. Everyone makes mistakes, makes no nonsense. The main thing is not to ignore what happened, be guided by the conclusions and move on to your goal - harmony and happiness.
Do not try to show self-worth
He who loves himself has no desire to prove his worth to someone. It is impossible to "take on the weak," to force to do what you do not want. Only those who have complexes, climb out of their skin, trying to show the rest that they are the best. It is impossible to please everyone, just as it is impossible to be an authority for everyone. Attempts to prove excellence always indicate insecurity, the desire to become more significant than it actually is.
Usually dreams stand out in any way inherent in adolescents. They are not too self-confident, suffer from complexes, try to show character in all situations. When an adult does such things, it is a disturbing bell for him. In this case, you should work on yourself, find the cause of the behavior characteristic of puberty. Perhaps a person simply suppresses the complexes left from his youth, trying to cover it with self-confident behavior.
Take care of yourself entirely
For those who accept themselves, there is no polar division into spiritual and physical. Some rush to extremes, trying to focus on self-development, but forgetting about the physical shell. Others pay maximum attention to appearance, considering that this is important.
Those who love themselves do not draw the line between the soul and the body; they try to find complete harmony. They have the awareness that to care is to not lose sight of anything, not to focus on one thing. Mind and body must be in harmony; because of the "skew" in one direction, there is a clear discomfort, the reasons for which can remain a mystery for a long time.
Be ready for a relationship
Without self-love, one can hardly have real feelings for others. Only harmonious personalities who get rid of the complexes, maintain a long happy relationship. Those who have not learned to respect themselves often try to find a person who will feel sorry for them, listen to the constant "I am ugly / stupid / no one loves me" and refute these statements.
People who are not aware of their own value are not ready to give to others; they only want to accept, to fill the emptiness that has formed inside. Many relationships break up just because of the unwillingness of partners to sacrifice something, because of their immaturity and dislike for themselves.
For some, it will sound strange, but it is self-esteem that helps a person to do something for others, without expecting anything in return. Those who do not love themselves are capable of sacrificing for the sake of loved ones, but it will be more insincere, forced, with the prospect of bestowal. He who possesses self-respect knows how to take another entirely, does not expect certain reactions from him, much less he does not want to constantly cry into his vest - he simply does not need it.
Do not lie
First and foremost to myself. Surrounding will accept excuses that the head is unfair, therefore, low salaries; there is no friendship, it is impossible to trust people; all mercantile, and the relationship can not start without money. But at least in private it is worth knowing that the rest is to blame for the small income, the absence of friends and a loved one.
It is superfluous to blame yourself for all the world's problems, but you need to be aware of what is happening and be responsible for your actions. Yes, and others should not lie - they deserve to know the truth, not even too pleasant. Those who practically do not lie are now few, so sincerity and straightforwardness are valued. In addition, do not have to suffer, inventing another lie.
A person who boasts achievements and constantly talks about his positive qualities is not always loving himself. Self-love is a far more complex concept than selfishness and high self-esteem that many people are used to. The last two practically exclude the first; you should get rid of them if you want to become a harmonious person. Selfishness and an overestimated level of self-esteem imply hidden complexes, and a person who has learned about pride is deprived of them, as well as the need to compare themselves with others, to try to achieve unnecessary goals. His main desire is to be truly happy and to feel the fullness of life.
