Her husband’s departure from the family often becomes an unbearable test for a woman, especially if she has lived a significant part of her life with him.
Therefore, it may appear desire to reunite with him. It is most severe in the first few months after breaking up.
But how to return the husband to the family and whether to do it at all? The desire to return her husband is often associated not with great love for him, just a traumatized woman who feels lonely, tends to regret what happened and over-praise the man who left.
Spouse left: psychology and causes
Men rarely leave their wives in all suit.
However, if a man is psychologically immature, he may decide to leave the woman thoughtlessly and in the absence of good reasons.
Usually, immaturity is peculiar to young men: they are often not ready to take responsibility, support the family and accept the shortcomings of the people who are close to them. Therefore they able to leave at the appearance of the first weighty difficulties.
The main reasons for leaving husbands from the family:
- Regular quarrels, scandals with his wife. Family life without quarrels and conflicts is impossible, and it is important to assimilate to anyone who is going to build a family. You need to prepare yourself for what is perfect will not and need to solve problems, find compromises, adapt. But too frequent quarrels for a long time - this is not the norm and suggests that either you need to change something radically, or disperse.
- Lack of common interests and differences in views on the same phenomena. Family communication is very important, and if the spouses have nothing to talk about, the warmth in such a family will quickly disappear, and it will become more difficult to discuss the problems.
A large number of differences of opinion can lead to systematic quarrels.
- The spouse has bad habits and pathological dependencies: addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopaholism.
- Treason spouse. Despite the fact that women, according to statistics, change three times less often than men, about a quarter of married women at least once change their spouse during life. And usually men react to news of adultery more aggressively than women, since most of them have a strongly developed sense of possessiveness.
- Availability women on the side, which, in the eyes of men, more suitable for him. Approximately 75% of men will change their wife at least once in their lifetime, and some of them may consider a mistress a better option than a wife, especially if the family is not okay: there are quarrels, differences in key opinions and other problems.
- Negative changes in appearance due to illness, pregnancy, in the process of aging. Also, many women at a certain point in their life cease to actively maintain external attractiveness, and not all men like it.
- Differences in sexual preferences and different expressions of sexual desire, general dissatisfaction with sex. If a woman has little interest in sex, and the man, on the contrary, is extremely active and wants more diversity, this can become an additional family problem that will gradually erode the relationship.
- Different life priorities. If the husband looks in one direction, and the wife - in another, it can negatively affect the relationship. For example, if a woman puts family, children, peace and stability in priority, and a man of children categorically does not want and dreams with a partner to travel around half the world by hitchhiking, they are not on the way.
- The disappearance of love, irritation. If quarrels regularly occur in the family, the husband is dissatisfied with the wife, and the wife is the husband, one of them may wake up one day with the thought that he no longer has warm feelings for a partner and wants to leave.
- Dissatisfaction with how a woman supports life. Not all women are eager to actively take care of their life, especially alone. If the husband is confident that caring for the house is the business of his wife only, and she is rather reluctant to deal with life, this will be another reason for scandals.
Usually, it is necessary to have several reasons at once, or one extremely compelling one.
What if a man wants to leave?
If the wife is not interested in her husband’s care, she should:
- Discuss with him the situation. Be polite, friendly in the process of conversation, restrain aggression, even if it does not restrain it. Ask him to list the most significant problems in the family and ask if he wants to continue the relationship if some of them disappear. Offer your action plans, listen to his ideas, if he expressed an interest in trying to maintain relationships.
Softly and at the right moment - such when he looks calm and the main discussion of the problems has already passed and was successful - remind him of what you have been tied to earlier and connecting now, but do not turn it into manipulation and do not go on to insults, even veiled (do not say: “Do you want to leave fatherlessness?”, “And once you were normal!”, you better say something like “Discuss the situation with your son because he is worried about what is happening,” “Do you remember as… "). - Analyze what is happening and determine how fatal the loss of a husband will be in reality. This is most important in cases where the husband is determined and cuts off any attempts to establish contact with him. Try to calm down and in a comfortable atmosphere, lay the situation on the shelves.
It is also important to try to convince yourself that you will manage to cope with everything, even if the husband leaves.
- Create exemplary plans in case you can not keep your husband in the family. Estimate the amount of financial resources, determine how they can be increased, think about finding additional work, if necessary, let your close friends know what is happening and hint that it may be necessary to help them.
Softly and at the right moment - such when he looks calm and the main discussion of the problems has already passed and was successful - remind him of what you have been tied to earlier and connecting now, but do not turn it into manipulation and do not go on to insults, even veiled (do not say: “Do you want to leave fatherlessness?”, “And once you were normal!”, you better say something like “Discuss the situation with your son because he is worried about what is happening,” “Do you remember as… ").If the discussion of the problems was successful, it is also useful to invite the husband to visit the family psychologist. It is important to make this proposal at the right moment: when the man is calm and relaxed.
If the husband has prejudices about psychologists, it is better to postpone the proposal for an indefinite time: this can make him angry.
If the husband is about to leave the family or is already leaving, there is no need to do the following:
- Reproach her husband, put pressure on him, resort to blackmail, threaten. If you do not want him to leave the family, reproaches and “dirty” methods of persuasion should not be used: if they work, your life will not be any better.
- Trying to insult, humiliate, roll up tantrums. This may work if you want him to leave as soon as possible.
- Turn children against father. Children whose parents are on the verge of divorce, and so hard, so to involve them in the conflict - not the best option. It is better to discuss with them, in a calm atmosphere and without aggression, what is happening, avoiding insults and embellishments.
With a husband who clearly decided to leave, you need to discuss further interaction: how often he will meet with children, how communication will take place and, perhaps, it makes sense to maintain friendly relations.
In the process of any dialogue with your husband, do everything possible to keep calm and sound sanity.
Prepare yourself mentally for the process of divorce, if necessary, contact a psychologist, a psychotherapist.
Tips for abandoned women
What if the husband left the family? Despite all attempts to keep her husband, he left, and now a free woman you need to deal with the mass of the bulk of cases, solve financial issues, deal with childrenwhich after a divorce are more likely to be left with her.
Tips for a woman whose husband left the family:
- Help yourself. Watch your mental health: because of recent events, it could be shaken. Support yourself as much as possible: try to relax enough, arrange pleasant procedures (a contrast shower, a fragrant herbal bath), go in for sports, go for a walk in the fresh air, communicate with friends.
- Take care of the children. Children also suffer a family breakdown, often even harder than adults. Be friendly to them, support them, indulge. Warn the class teacher or caregiver that you have separated from your husband, so the child may be nervous and uncollected.
- Try not to lose heart. Do not cheat yourself excessively, try not to reproach, not humiliate. Avoid long lying in bed. If you feel that the flow of negative thoughts threatens to overwhelm, overpower yourself and start doing something that will distract you.
Often, the mental health of women and children is aggravated so much that they need the help of specialists.
Serve reason to visit a psychotherapist (and sometimes the therapist) the following symptoms:
- insomnia;
- increased fatigue;
- problems with concentration, memory, attention;
- prolonged mood decline;
- headaches;
- heart rhythm disorders;
- drops in blood pressure;
- decrease in resistance to stress (earlier you easily coped with difficulties, and now they seem like a stone around your neck);
- loss or reduction of interest in what was important earlier;
- the appearance of the feeling that everything is meaningless and nothing good will happen in the future;
- irritability;
- excessive tearfulness or, on the contrary, attenuation of emotionality (there is no strength to cry, smile, the face looks unemotional).
If you or your child have similar symptoms, do not delay the visit to the psychotherapist.
After leaving the husband does not need to do the following:
- stubbornly calling him;
- constantly trying to meet, even by chance;
- often call his friends, relatives;
- to insult his inner circle;
- somehow impede the life of him and his new family, if there is one;
- try to set others around him.
If a man does not call for the first time after the divorce, You should not call him if there are no good reasons for this: like you, he may feel the need to rethink something, feel shame, confusion, discomfort at the thought that you need to hear the voice of your ex-wife, something to say to her.
Leave him time to think and try to be as unobtrusive as possible.
The woman who left her husband and who at the same time wants to return it, is often interested in thought, can he come back and how soon will this happen.
It is not always possible at a distance to understand what it is like to be alone or with a new woman, and attempts to learn from him or from those around him, as he is there, may turn out to be far from such tactful and accurate ones as women represent them.
Don't hope that he will return, even if you really want it, because the probability that this will not happen is quite high.
Concentrate on your own life, take care of yourself and your children, avoid following it and let life go as it goes.
Approximately 20-25% (and according to some data - all 50%) of men, after leaving the family, are trying to restore relations with their ex-wife. The highest percentage of return in the first six months or a year.
How to return a fugitive?
Psychologist answers to common questions:
- How to make her husband return to the family? If the husband is definitely not interested in returning, this cannot be done. Keep a waiting position, do not impose, do not try to use blackmail, manipulation, do not push. If you periodically communicate, it is important to remain calm and speak politely. Share information about children, if they have one, show him that you can be trusted and that you are interested in more frequent communication, be interested in his affairs. If one of the reasons for leaving was dissatisfaction with your appearance, it makes sense to try to change it: many will notice significant changes in appearance, and a man will probably know about it.
Also try to rethink some of the problems that were in your relationship, and realize that in the future you will need to solve them more intelligently.
- How to return your ex-husband after a divorce? The methods are about the same as in the last paragraph. But each situation is individual, and it is difficult to predict what will work or not work. The main thing - to remain calm, courtesy, gradually come closer, do not make trouble. If the man is completely closed from you and does not want to communicate under any pretext, it is better to leave alone the dream of a happy reunion.
- How to tie a husband to the family? Make the man feel comfortable and safe with you. Do not blame without good reason, support in it the idea that you can be trusted with anything, praise more often, discuss problems, and do not start a scandal at once. The family should be a protective fortress, not a place for torture.
How to behave if he came back?
If you feel that definitely want to restore the relationshiplet him know that this is possible.
Try to discuss with him all the important issues, inform about the need to further discuss all the problems.
Also important:
- recall past troubles and try to prevent recurrence;
- discuss all critical moments (for example, determine how you will avoid quarrels if you encounter categorical differences in views during the conversation).
If both you and your ex-husband are sure that you need to restore the relationship, sincerely ready to change and work on yourself, it is important to give each other a chance, and perhaps this time everything will turn out well.
How to return a husband? Psychologist's tips in this video:
