Divorce is an extremely unpleasant period, even for couples whose marriage did not last very long. In addition to the insult to her spouse, soul eats fear for the future of yourself and children.
Therefore, even having suggested to the husband to leave, the woman to the last tests mental agonies, collecting in the head a chain “for” and “against” concerning the forthcoming event.
To live for children or get a divorce?
Children - This is the greatest value in the life of a normal parent.
But this does not mean that for the sake of the children it is necessary to kill their interests in the bud, forget about their hobbies and dissolve in life to the state of a convenient robot.
Even the most grateful grown-up children will not be able to pay back a hundredfold for such a sacrifice. It is meaningless - you need to live for yourself and the children. This is the only way to be a happy person and raise your sons and daughters in the same way.
Therefore, to remain in an unhappy marriage worth only under compelling circumstances. For example, when, in the event of a divorce, a woman finds herself on the street in the most unattractive understanding of this expression, and the children lose their protection and benefits.
In other situations, you need to purposefully look for the best way out of unpleasant circumstances.
Relationships are quite peaceful, while you live in your home, and you want to divorce because of faded feelings, betrayal of a spouse or something like that? Before leaving take care of a spare and comfortable beachhead.
The best option: financial pillow (for a couple of months of normal life, even without financial assistance from the outside), at least a small passive income, a sought-after specialty for a source of own money and comfortable housing at an affordable price.
To leave without it from the husband to nowhere, and even with the child - very unreasonable.
It is better, having found a compromise with my husband, to suffer a year or two under one roof, devoting every day not only to taking care of the family, but also preparing the “runway” to a free life.
Yet you have children and you must think not only about your spiritual comfort, but also about the welfare, material situation of a new independent family.
If critical situation: the husband systematically dissolves his hands, and he also lays “by the collar”, then it’s not particularly necessary to choose. It’s not worth waiting for when he or she makes you or some of the children disabled.
It is necessary as soon as possible to find a way to arrange for themselves and children to live away from the tyrant. To tolerate his antics for the kids to have a formal father is meaningless.
The difficulty of divorcing two young children
Of course, if the separation was observed soon after the birth of the child - this tremendous stress for a woman. After all, recently everything was pretty good, since she decided to increase the number of households.
But life loves to throw up surprises, and even families with years of living together are not immune from a sudden divorce due to hasty changes in relationships.
Difficulties of divorcewhen small children in a family:
- divorce is possible only with the help of a judge;
- a woman for some time will have to forget about her personal life and free time, if the father will observe her duties formally.
If there are minor children, Divorce a half in the registry office can only be provided:
- the disappearance of the partner in an unknown direction and the presence of official confirmation that the person was recognized as missing;
- the incapacity of the husband;
- conviction of a spouse for more than 3 years.
In other cases, the official only court will give freedomwhich means large time and financial costs, delaying the process for an indefinite period - if the husband resists the divorce or seeks to get the maximum benefit from the process, insisting on unfavorable conditions for you.
The second difficulty concerns the situation when the husband is belonging to individuals, completely forgetting about the offspring, as soon as the status “divorced” appears in the passport.
In practice, this means that on the shoulders of a woman will lay not only education, but also full material support Chad. It will be harder for you to find a job - potential employers reasonably fear the endless demands to provide time off to care for a sick child.
Decent housing for a long time, at a reasonable cost and in the right area, also comes across only as an exception.
But it will be even harder to find time for easy communication with children - duties themselves are not able to be performed, assistants do not always appear, and feminine forces, alas, have a limited reserve.
Simple marriage of parents and the fate of the child
Children can be figuratively called such copiers of their parents. Partially copied behavior, worldview, style of communication with others and the opposite sex in particular.
Therefore, it is somehow not surprising to scientists that the parents with a divorce in the "anamnesis" have children who will have to face a divorce or inability to build family life in the future.
How does a divorce affect children? If you actively involve children in the process, when they are present, you can savor the faults of the husband, communicating, for example, by phone with a friend, as a result you can get:
- Increased nervousness. The extreme degree of the kids is manifested in the "forgetting" of the already acquired skills: the refusal to use a pot, a spoon, or sleep separately. In older children, the disintegration of the family results in a decrease in academic performance, tearfulness, conflict, pugnacity when dealing with peers, a tendency toward rudeness and even kleptomania.
- Incorrect installation in relation to the opposite sex: all women are bitches, men are bastards, and the like.
- Tendency to run away from home. In this way, the child tries to distance himself from the tense atmosphere around the parent, which is formed both from resentment at the former partner, and from increased loads due to the need to provide for his family alone.
How to prepare a child for stress?
How to tell a child about the divorce of parents? Having decided on a divorce, strive to give the child twice the time so that he does not feel pinched and forgotten.
By all means, negotiate with the ex-husband about the policy of neutrality when dealing with a child, and follow it yourself. In practice, this means:
- Immediately, as soon as you announce the decision to live separately with your husband, emphasize that to this pushed problems with each other, and the child is not to blame - Children often begin to perceive themselves as the cause of problems with their parents.
- Agree with the husband about the schedule of visits to the son or daughter. It is best of all that the visits fall on weekends - so there is less likelihood of having problems with school or missing a preschool institution.
- Do not try to rise in the eyes of a child by pouring mud on her husband (find ways to the prudence of the former spouse, so that he would not be tempted in the same way).
Otherwise, in the future, it will be more difficult for the child to build relationships in his own family, or he may not even try to take such a step, having a baggage of unpleasant impressions about the barge.
- If it turns out that the husband has sunk into oblivion and does not want to communicate with the child - do not focus on this last. Try to find friends surrounded by men who can sometimes pay attention to your child so that he does not experience a lack of normal communication skills with the stronger sex.
How to explain to a childwhat parents divorce?
Psychologist tips:
- The kid can be reminded of his quarrels with one of the children in the garden or on walks, and then draw a parallel and say that you and your husband have the same conflicts, which is why you decided to live separately.
- Older children can have a similar conversation. If the family often had loud scandals, then, perhaps, special explanations do not even need: All claims against her husband have long been voiced and known to all.
But at the same time it should be reported that you will not be against the meetings of the child with the father - after all, he is a father and you have no right to deprive a son or daughter in communicating with him.
Psychology of a divorced woman
Hope for a quick stabilization of mood and well-being is not necessary, but you need to control yourself anyway.
The following options are possible after a divorce:
- A woman makes the right conclusions about the compatibility of different people and lives on as fully as possible without hiding resentment towards her husband, without corroding his image from the child’s memory, without interfering with their meetings on her own or neutral territory. So she keeps the child feeling full of family, demonstrates the right attitude to the problems and his behavior shows the best ways to solve problems in life.
- Resentment at her husband is transformed into desire to quickly find a replacement spouse, to prove something there last. As a result, begins the stage of frequent change of men because of the inability to find a worthy partner or because of the desire to expand the list of broken hearts for the sake of revenge for their unfortunate fate.
- New men are generally not allowed into the life of a small family. for fear of jealousy on the part of children or infringement of the interests of the latter by a new elect.
- A woman "clogs" on themselves and personal life, investing all resources in children. One of the most unsuccessful scenarios for one child: in most cases, the lady will begin to further seek to protect the blood from the encroachments of the opposite sex. So they will live to the end together, angry at each other and the whole world, if the grown-up child fails to escape from custody.
But even having received freedom, not every person with such experience from childhood will be able to have a family - he does not have an understanding of the basics for building harmonious relations with the opposite sex.
- The most undesirable scenario: not having the strength to cope with the consequences of stress and divorce a woman sits down on alcohol or drugs.
Further life apart and communication with the father
How to live after a divorce a woman with a child?
Divorce is not the end of life. With a certain perseverance, he becomes an excellent chance to change the destiny so much in the best dreams.
How to make this milestone the best for yourself and your child:
- Seek opportunities for a fulfilling life (develop professionally, monitor health, do not stop caring for yourself and do not put a cross on yourself: a happy mother is the key to harmony in an incomplete family).
- Do not refuse assistance offered by ex-husband (he does not want to use it herself, let him spend it on the child - he should not be slighted because of the ongoing conflicts between the parents).
- Forcing a man to participate in the life of an abandoned family (does not want to communicate with children - this is how it will decide, but should provide material support in any case).
- Do not manipulate the growing child, accusing him of ingratitude because of his unwillingness to remain only in the circle of her appearance. Divorce with her husband and her further behavior - this is purely the result of her choice. After all the child is almost unable to change the behavior of adults and influence their relationship.
How does a man communicate with children after a divorce?
The relationship should not change anything, if before the divorce, they were good. If everything was the other way around, now there is a chance to correct mistakes.
Dad should:
- visit the child;
- to participate in his public life;
- advise how to deal with difficult situations;
- support the family financially (the main part of the money must be transferred to the mother for the needs of the family - no one will forbid to control these expenses, a small amount - for pocket expenses of the child).
Father should not:
- "Pour dirt" on the ex-wife.
- Forcing a child from a previous marriage to forcibly take part in the celebrations of the new family of the Pope.
- Allowing a child to manipulate himself, pay off for a divorce with money, expensive gifts - this will not give respect in the eyes of a child, but the latter will have conditions for turning into a vampire who is interested in purely daddy money.
Divorce is a sad event for the whole family. But parents are always able to make parting adults as painless as possible for their children.
How to prepare a child for divorce? Opinion psychologist:
