In Russian translation this book is called “Willpower. How to develop and strengthen. I confess that I hadn’t been holding a book on self-development before. All that I read on this topic were articles from the Internet, for example, from stevpavlina.com. This site inspired me to create this blog, but I cannot say that I studied it from cover to cover.
There was no particular principle because of which I ignored the self-development literature. I just did not feel the need for such literature. I have had enough, and it seems that I have enough experience in communicating with people to write my articles. I also draw inspiration from sources that are not at all related to self-improvement, for example from films or fiction. I observe how people behave in life or on the screen, I see their problems and, when I measure these problems with my experience and self-observation, I get ideas.
But recently I was contacted by the publishing house Mann, Ivanov and Ferber. During the conversation with a representative of this publisher, we decided that they kindly provide me a book, and I write a review on it if I consider it necessary. I have no affiliated agreement with this publisher, and this post is not registered.
I publish this review because I generally liked the book, I learned a lot of new things and I can advise it to you. I think the book was useful to me. With some moments of the book I disagree and want to sanctify my opinion. Perhaps this will help someone not to fall into some traps, if you are going to read a book or have already read it.
Science of Willpower
Kelly McGonigal is a professor at Stanford University. She leads the course “Science of Willpower” for students of this educational institution.
The book is written in popular language, equipped with many examples and practical exercises. The ideas of the author are constantly supported by examples and scientific research, so there is no particular doubt about the validity of many of the author's ideas and approaches.
From the very beginning, the author of the book speaks of willpower, as a universal skill on which your life depends greatly. If you think that willpower is needed only to quit smoking, then this is not so. Willpower allows you to control emotions, not to succumb to temptations, to carry out the work to the end, to get rid of negative thoughts or to invite a girl for a first date.
From the very beginning, the author emphasizes how important willpower is and how much depends on it.
Kelly McGonigal talks about the origin of willpower in the context of human evolutionary development and neuroscience. How did this skill come about? What part of the brain is responsible for it? The answer to what conditions of the environment was the emergence of willpower? How is will power related to the impulsive part of our personality? Why is it so difficult for us to deny ourselves pleasures?
All these questions are answered by the author of the book. This small excursion into biology turned out to be very informative for me.
Professor Stanford talks about meditation
What immediately placed me in the book was the fact that in one of the first chapters the author talks about meditation as an effective tool for developing willpower.
Miss (or Mrs.) McGonigal claims that the pre-frontal cortex is responsible for the willpower, while our impulsive decisions (to smoke a cigarette, to eat a fat cake) are controlled by the central part of the brain. According to scientific research, people who regularly meditate form more gray matter in the prefrontal cortex. "Over time, their brain starts to work as a streamlined volitional machine," the book says.
This was for me, a meditator, a startling discovery!
In the same chapter, I learned something else that supplemented my knowledge of meditation.
My readers often ask me: “Nikolay, I cannot meditate, I cannot relax and get rid of thoughts, what should I do?” I usually respond to this, that you should not strive to drive away thoughts, you just need to watch them.
This aspect concerns the author of the book The Willpower Instinct, she says that people who cannot concentrate while meditating still have a positive effect of practice. In those days when they meditate it is easier for them to control themselves and resist momentary impulses, they are calmer and more focused.
Why is this happening? After all, it would seem that the purpose of meditation is a deep trance and lack of thoughts? This is not entirely true. The purpose of meditation is to learn to be an observer, to follow your thoughts and to be aware of those moments when attention goes to the side. Moreover, Kelly McGonigal claims that the “failures” of meditation reinforce self-control! After all, when thoughts go away, you have to catch yourself on the fact that you are again distracted from the subject of your observation (breath, myntra, image, etc.). The more often you are distracted, the more often you “catch” yourself, and the stronger is the habit of following your thoughts and feelings.
This habit will allow you to catch yourself on the next time you think about sweets or about drinking, and not automatically and mindlessly resist the temptation. After all, in order to ignore temptations, we need not only some kind of moral “strength”, but also the ability to notice in ourselves the appearance of thoughts of the forbidden.
These are, perhaps, one of the most valuable practical thoughts that you can find in a book. True, the author speaks of a gradual increase in the time of meditation from 5 to 15-20 minutes per day. I would advise you to start immediately from 15 to 20 minutes twice a day. So you just achieve the effect faster. If you are already very hard practice, then start with five minutes. But do it twice a day.
Willpower is our body resource
The next chapter deals with the fact that willpower depends on the state of the organism. During stress, it's harder for us to resist temptation. Bad habits "steal" willpower, according to the author. It turns out that bad habits are not only a consequence of the lack of willpower, but also the reason for this!
Here a simple conclusion suggests itself that you need to look after yourself, get enough sleep, eat properly, etc. This is also a very valuable piece of advice that many ignore because they forget that there is no magic pill for willpower. Need to work on yourself. This job takes time and effort.
In my article on how to develop willpower, I compared willpower with a muscle that needs to be developed. Muscle develops only by applying the load on it. If you train your will muscle (for example, get up at the same time, swear less, do not eat food at night, etc.), then it will grow.
The author of the book comes to the same conclusions. In my opinion, this is one of the most important moments in the development of willpower. It is a pity that Professor Standford did not focus enough attention on this aspect, and this certainly important principle is lost in the abundance of background information.
If you read this book, circle a paragraph, which tells about strength of will as a framed muscle, put arrows and exclamation marks, otherwise, after reading the book, you don’t even remember about it. You can also deal with the chapter on meditation and the connection between health and willpower.
A spoon of tar…
As for the rest of the book? If we talk about the theory, then you can find a lot of interesting things. The author tells in a fascinating way how marketers manipulate our minds, how a crowd effect manifests itself, why monkeys are ahead of a person in tests of willpower. Reading is definitely worth it, just for the sake of increasing erudition.
From the point of view of practical benefit, the chapters “as remorse pushes us to temptation” and “limits of power“ I will not ”” are of the greatest value. The latter deserves special attention, it is written there, as methods of getting rid of obsessive thoughts and about the effect of the “ironic boomerang”. This is one of the most useful chapters in the book.
In other chapters, you can also learn a lot of useful principles. But some of the advice given by the author, in my opinion, are irrelevant to the development of willpower. For example, Kelly McGonical recommends installing special programs on a computer that block social networks.
This, she said, should help those who are constantly distracted on Facebook and spend a lot of time there.
Also, the author advises to reward yourself for accomplished cases (or to punish for non-fulfillment) that they did not want to do before. It can motivate you to fulfill the obligation.
These tips are more about ways to get rid of temptations or methods of motivation than to develop willpower. Willpower grows when we ignore the temptation to achieve a long-term goal. And the more temptation we have overcome, the stronger willpower develops.
Fighting temptation or getting rid of temptations?
But these recommendations of the author will not teach you to overcome uncontrollable cravings, they will simply remove them for a while. Perhaps this helps only when the temptation is so great that you lack the strength to resist it. Then, perhaps, it is advisable for a certain period to save oneself from the possibility of receiving the subject of temptation. But then you should definitely learn to fight temptation when it is, and not block access to it. I think the author should have emphasized this.
An alcoholic who wants to start a business should not visit drinking companies at first. But this can not last a lifetime! In order to get rid of his addiction forever, he must learn to drink nothing but mineral water and juice in time for a drunken feast! Only then can he be sure that a sudden temptation, from which he can never be insured, will not catch him unawares.
If you are accustomed to reward yourself for each completed work, then you can not do anything without reward and return. Many actions do not bring instant results, and this must be considered. Not everything comes easy, often you have to do something through “I don't want”, without any enthusiasm and brilliance of the reward at the end. Life consists of such moments. It is in them that genuine willpower manifests itself!
I have never blocked access to the Internet, so as not to go there during work, although I am constantly tempted. Sometimes I give in to them, sometimes this does not happen. I do not blame myself for the fact that sometimes I can not resist the temptation, especially since the last time it happens less and less. After all, this is how I learn to fight off temptations, and mistakes and blunders happen to everyone. The main thing is to observe a positive trend.
Temptation must tease you, you must feel it, you have to fight it, and not just exclude it from your life.
Is it right to use pride to fulfill promises?
Also, I didn’t quite like the author’s advice to report to other people for their successes and failures in volitional trials. The author believes that if we promised someone, for example, there are two times less hamburgers, then it will be difficult for us to break this promise, at the thought of having to report to another person ("I failed, I did not succeed ..." ). Fear of judgment and pride make it easier for us to pass volitional tests.
First, it does not contribute to the development of willpower. Just goals are achieved easier. Secondly, it is not very good to base your success on dependence on the opinions of others. Because such an addiction is not in itself a good quality. And if you rely on it to achieve your goals, then you only cultivate this quality.
Third, when you get used to creating some kind of external incentives in order to make it easier for you to achieve your goals, you start to depend on these incentives. If there is no incentive, then you have nothing. I wrote about this in my article myths about motivation.
Your development should stem from the desire to grow, to be more organized, free and happy. It is not very correct to base it on the fear of other people, the fear of making a mistake.
Buying a gym membership will not help you take classes.
The book was the council to buy a subscription to the gym for a year. So you will pay in advance and this, allegedly, will encourage you not to miss classes. Somewhere I read that it does not work. People buy a subscription and then still skip classes. Perhaps this is due to the fact that you have already paid the money, you have this amount is not in your hands. If you miss a lesson, the money will not be less.
I can not bring the source from where I took it, but it seems logical to me. Did you buy a sports ticket? Did this help you not to skip classes? I would be very happy if you write about it in the comments and, thus, take part in a small study.
Flirting with human frailties
In general, in some places, the author, in the apt expression of one of my readers, flirts with human frailties. I am a stranger to such a policy and I think that it is necessary to fight with weaknesses, and not to parasitize them, using them to achieve the desired. Temptations must be overcome, not just removed from life. And your personal interest in them, not some kind of reward, should lead to your results ...
Despite the fact that I do not agree with everything that is written in this book, I recommend everyone to read it. Learn a lot of new things, as I learned. After reading, there may be a slight bewilderment expressed in the questions: What to do? Where to begin? What is the most important?
I believe that the most important thing is meditation, a healthy lifestyle, awareness and regular will-power training. Everything else is a roundabout way to achieve your goals. Many tips from the book are most likely given to those who do not want to meditate. Meditation can raise you to an advanced level of willpower, in which you do not need to deceive yourself or to tease with reward. Meditation is, in my opinion, the most direct way to the development of willpower. Why go upstairs for a long time, when you can immediately soar upward on the elevator?
