Psychologist's advice on how to let a person go

Life is a series of partings and meetings. Sometimes even with our beloved, close people, our roads diverge. At such a moment it is necessary to gain strength and release the person from thoughts. But how to do this, if the heart is torn to pieces?

What does it mean to let a person go?

Contrary to popular belief, letting go of a person does not mean to forget or stop loving. This process can be quickly compared with a balloon that you like, but at some point you let go of the thread, and it soars into the sky. Has he ceased to like you from this, do you need to forget about him? Not. Now let's try to figure out what it means to let a person go:

letting go is learning to live and act on your own interests;
stop controlling another person, not interfering in his personal life;
become free;
be open to meeting a new person;
enjoy every day, enjoy life;
be able to forgive (and myself as well);
learn from what happened;
restore harmony in the soul, become calm.

Opinion psychologists. To release a person means to allow him to live his own life, to recognize the fact that he has the right to dispose of it the way he wants. It is very difficult for egocentric people to do this, they tend to get attached quickly and for a long time not to let a person go - to suffer, watch him, beg him to return, and even blackmail him with suicide. All they need is for the “trophy” to stand on the shelf again. The egoists do not care about the feelings of the other.

Why do you need to learn to let go?

Many do not understand how to let go of the person you love. They sincerely believe that with the right efforts, you can achieve a reciprocal feeling. In other words, make a person love. This is where the main mistake lies.

No matter how much you are offered apples or other food that you hate, you cannot love them. Perhaps, out of pity or respect, you will eat a piece, but eat them every day? Well, I do not. Even if you paint apples in orange color, and pretend that it is an orange, you will not be able to cheat your taste tastes for a long time.

If these arguments seem to you not sufficiently weighty, think about this:

No matter how you try, whatever you do, you cannot make a person respond to your feelings.
Instead of emotions of happiness, you will feel only suffering, self-pity, dissatisfaction, resentment.
The person who is trying to force him to do something against his own will will sooner or later become irritable, lose his “image of morality”, will start to treat you disrespectfully. In the end, your self-esteem will decrease, and you get used to be humiliated and relieved.
All you do is prolong the agony.
Sooner or later, the depressed state will lead to depression and health problems. Some, unable to let go, commit suicide.
You, probably, have already noticed that the world around you and your own life have become practically not interesting for you? If you don’t stop, you may soon lose your job, fly out of the institute, run yourself completely, "slide to the very bottom." Have you ever dreamed of this, were you striving for this?
In an attempt to keep the person leaving, you are losing precious time. The sooner you release it, the sooner you get a chance for a new, happy life and mutual love.

Important. Relationships should bring joy and happiness. Remember, every man is worthy of love. You do not have to try to please, change yourself for another. Hundreds of people are ready to love you in the present.

How to do it?

Now do you understand how important it is to let go of a person? If yes, then you have already gone half way. All that is required of you is no longer to resist, to allow the inevitable to happen.

Let the man go, do not hold him. Try to forgive him and wish for happiness. Forgive yourself and your mistakes. Which of us is perfect? Everything happened as it should be.

Be able to say thank you. With the departure of the person you have not lost, but acquired. He gave you an invaluable experience. Even if it is pain and suffering, do not lament the fate. Take painful feelings as a chance to grow above yourself, stop becoming attached to people, learn to build happy, harmonious relations.

Good practice

Most likely, you think that with the care of a person you will lose the ability to love ("he broke my heart," "tore out and took with him"). It is important to realize that this is not the case. Love is a wonderful feeling that will always be with you. To return to a healthy feeling of love and happiness, try the following exercise:

Left alone, sit comfortably in a chair (there should be no extraneous noise and bright light).
Close your eyes and focus. Where is your feeling, the ability to love?
Find this place, and then fix the attention.
Now imagine a glow coming from this point. Direct it to the cat or dog, baby, walls, plants.
What do you want to do?

Surely you will be tempted to put things in order at home, to please a sweet child, to walk a dog (depending on where the "light" was directed). Do the practice every day, and soon the painful feeling of resentment will supplant the real, joyful love of others.

Psychology tips

Experts say that to let a person out of thoughts and hearts should be phased.

It is very important to go through all the stages of a break, otherwise all repressed emotions will emerge at the most inopportune moment. So, how to let a person go right:

The first thing to do is unleash your emotions. Cry, cry, sob, be angry. Allow yourself to seize grief with ice cream, make an extravagant haircut, write a verse or pour out all the negative on the paper in prose.
When you calm down a little, try to assess the situation soberly. No matter how desirable, do not embellish the past and the person who departed from you. Divide a sheet of paper into 2 halves, in the first column write down all the pluses from this relationship, in the second - all the minuses. Think about whether you really need them?
Thank the person for all the positive moments, wish him all the best.
Do not look for the guilty. Don't dig yourself. You can rethink the situation later, when you finally calm down.
Pull back as far as possible. Hide away all the things reminiscent of this person (photos, gifts, cards). Do not listen to tearful music, do not watch melodrama. Change the number in order not to wait for a constant call.
Swap outwardly. Buy new clothes, make a fashionable haircut, sign up for the gym. You must discover the "new" self.
Start filling the internal void with something new and enjoyable. Find an activity you like, get a dog, read a book, communicate more with people. If possible, you can go to the sea, a little bit to travel.
Learn to enjoy life. Do what you want. Please yourself pleasant little things every day.

Make plans for the future. You can draw a "poster of desires."

Now you can look back and rethink the past. Think what lesson fate has taught you? What mistakes did you make?

After going through all the stages, you will feel like a different person. The pain must subside. Sometimes it can take a month, sometimes a year. The sooner you listen to the advice, the faster you get rid of the load.

Advice of the author. The main thing - to overcome self-pity. Try not to think how miserable, abandoned, and lonely you are. Look at those who are harder - the family, whose head was killed, lonely old people, children growing up in an orphanage without love and affection. Start helping others and you will heal yourself.

Practice from Jack Mackania "Freeing Addictions"

The following exercise will be useful to anyone who has a painful experience of parting and does not know how to forgive and release a person.

Practice helps to cut the connection, to stop experiencing negative.

Let's start:

Find a quiet place, take a comfortable position.
Close your eyes and imagine a theatrical scene. It is the person who hurt you.
Introduce yourself. You are standing on a dais or floating in the air.
Look carefully at the person. What does he look like? Describe it to the smallest details.
Now feel the full depth of emotions towards him. Feelings should be as sharp as possible.
Visualize the connection between you. How she looks like? Maybe it is threads, rope, cord or plastic tube? Where are you connected to each other? This may be the neck, abdomen, heart, hands, feet, throat, etc.
Hold this state.
Now think about what qualities you and this person lack to make the connection less painful (at the moment)? Perhaps responsibility, love, patience, inner strength, confidence, or something else? List all the resources you think are needed.
In the next step, imagine that there is a source above the stage that contains absolutely all the qualities (God or other Higher Power).
Ask him to give everything you need. Feel like you are alternately filled with all the necessary resources. Feel it with every cell of your body.
Visualize how the other person’s resources fill the channel of communication between you. Give him the opportunity to be fed.
After that, look at the person. How has he changed? Has the facial expression, gestures, posture, facial expressions become different?
Chat with the person if you need it. Ask for forgiveness, even if he offended you. Realize that he in some way he taught you a lesson, became a teacher for you.
Break the link. You can cut it with a sword, cut it with scissors or do it with your hand. Fix the picture in your memory, how you and that person look free.
Return to normal.

Note. Practice allows you to even cut the old connection. Usually requires a single execution, but if necessary, it can be repeated several times.

No matter how much we love a person, at some point you need to be able to let him go. Each of us has our own tasks, our own destiny. Sometimes you should not resist the new. You just need to let go of the reins and trust the flow.