Self-confidence is necessary for any person at any age. But most of all teenagers need it.
This is due to the special challenges facing the person at this particular age. However, it is teenagers who often suffer from self-doubt.
Therefore, how to help a teenager gain self-confidence, almost all parents think.
Why does a teenager need self-confidence?
"Self-confidence" - psychological quality, which can be defined as a positive perception of oneself, giving a person the strength to cope with all the trials. To cope - in a psychological sense.
Not always and not all difficulties can be overcome. But a self-confident person does not break internally, does not retreat in the face of difficulties, does everything possible to overcome them.
Self-confidence depends on i-concept. Self-concept is the ratio of the representation of the real and the ideal of a person (I-real and I-ideal). If the conscious and subconscious perception of oneself fully correspond to the I-ideal, then such a person is self-confident.
On the contrary, a serious disagreement between the I-real and the ideal-I inevitably leads to self-doubt.
The need for this essential mental quality specifically for adolescents associated with changes in their physiology (physically they feel that they are already adults), changes in communication with people (they are being treated more respectfully, they are more often considered their opinion), a change in the social role and changes in the inner world (internally a teenager already tries on the role of a student or a working adult, preparing to create a family).
This age is called "Transitional"and this is a pretty good definition. And the surrounding, and the teenager himself understands that he is becoming different. Requirements for him - others. Challenges - other, more serious. And it is very important for him to be sure that he will cope, he can, that he will succeed.
In no other age, self-confidence does not play such a huge role.
How to raise a confident child? Find out from the video:
What influences children's self-esteem?
Will consider main factorsaffecting the self-esteem of the child and adolescent.
Opinion about him close adults
Teenager - still a child though entering adulthood. And children will learn about what they are from adults.
This, however, does not mean at all that the direct opinion expressed by his parents about the child is of decisive importance. Although it happens so.
When Lee was 13-14 years old, she was the first started thinking about her appearance. In her company all the girls cut their hair. She also decided to get a haircut "under the boy." But her mother said: “If your hair is not there, who will look at you? This is the only thing that is good in you. ”
Leia is very blond blonde, like her father. Her mother - a pronounced brunette. She divorced her father Leia, the grudge was preserved in her soul for a long time. And Leia is a poured father. Leia subconsciously believed mom. As always, children and teenagers believe their parents.
Bottom line: she could not create her family, she lived all her life alone, was not happy in her personal life. it an example of just verbal impact. Of course, completely wrong.
In fact, in no case can a teenager express his negative opinion about him. And even not only about him as a person, but also about his appearance or his individual qualities.
but say something to the kidsso that they learn from us adults, which they, oddly enough, do not necessarily.
Kira had been sick a lot since childhood. Dad and mom, in whom she is the only child, were knocked off their feet, running around the doctors, taking out rare medicines. Homes with Kira blew out fluff, worrying about her health.
The very behavior of mom and dad did not speak, but simply screamed: “You are weak, very weak! Without us, without our protection, you are not capable of anything! ”
And Kira perfectly understood what her parents thought of her, and, of course, she believed them.
As a result, she grew terribly characterless and unsure of herself, lonely. She avoids any difficulties, is not independent. And at 25 still all her problems are solved for her mom and dad.
As we see, it is not necessary to say something. The very attitude of close to the child is even more important than any words.
If parents are hyper-protective, if they demonstrate by their behavior in every possible way that they consider the child weak, unable to cope with difficulties on their own without their help, he will believe.
Such a teenager never not confident.
Emotional well-being
Here, too, it all depends on the parents, especially - from the mother. The child needs unconditional love of mother. And the conditioned love of the father.
Unconditional love - This is a love that is not due to anything. Mom loves her child simply because it is her child. She is glad to him, for her this is the only, most precious creature in the world, not due to some of his qualities or achievements - but just like that.
Psychologist Vladimir Levy, the essence of such love, very successfully expressed: “They love for nothing and no matter what”.
Father loves a child just for something. For success, for growth, for achievement. And this love encourages the kid to grow.
If a child (daughter or son) is deprived of either unconditional maternal love or stimulating the growth of his father, then he is emotionally unfavorable. And risks becoming an insecure teenager.
School success
Or failure.
Study at school - the main (and often the only) socially significant activity of modern children and adolescents. Therefore, the success or failure of studies greatly influences their self-perception.
It is especially bad if the child is ambitious, arrogant, but at school suffers constant failures.
Successful study strengthens self-confidence, however, provided that the first two points (emotional well-being and opinion about the child of his relatives) are all right. Because these first two points are more important.
Peer relationships
For teens extremely important to be accepted in a peer company.
If the status of a teenager among his peers is high enough, he is well treated, valued and respected, it strengthens his self-confidence.
And vice versa: if they are neglected, if he is an outcast, his self-confidence can be seriously undermined, even if he is fine on all other points.
Who influences the child's self-esteem and what to do? Psychologist tips:
What are the reasons for low self-esteem?
What are reasons for self-doubt have a child at 7-12 years old? The answer to this question is obvious from the above:
Or to him close adults are wrong.- Either he is emotionally dysfunctional, does not receive the emotional power that he should receive from his parents.
- Or he is unsuccessful in school.
- Or, finally, unpopular among peers.
Or to him close adults are wrong.There may be special reasonsbut they are rare.
Role of parents
In short she is huge. Parents, like gods, determine almost everything in the life of their child.
First of all, it is important how they relate to his independence from the first years of his life. If the mother is afraid that the baby will fall, hurt, something will break, catch a cold - and these fears will overwhelm her, then the child will get used to feeling inconsistent, weak, painful.
In fact, parents should not do for the child anything that he is able to do himself. And they should not protect him from anything and from anyone, from which he will not be particularly harmed, or he will be able to protect himself from this.
It is important that the child has the right to his opinion. It also matters literally from the first year of life.
If adults decide everything for the baby, he doesn’t need to decide anything, he will get used to it. This is easier. AND will not seek to have an opinion, something to decide.
Such a person will never become self-confident, because self-confidence is given only by overcoming difficulties, and he always avoids any difficulties.
Important as parents evaluate the actions of the childhow to criticize him.
If an avalanche of criticism falls on him for any reason and for no reason (some adults believe that it is useful for a growing person), then this will inevitably lead to self-doubt. But if they do not criticize at all, it will be the same.
Criticize the child need, but approximately in such a tone: you did it very well, I liked it, and you did it very well, but this is not entirely successful, it would be better.
And in no case can one criticize the very identity of the child, but only its individual actions.
If the parents' demands on the child are unbearable for him (for example, they want him to always study excellently in all subjects), he will break down and grow insecure.
But it is impossible not to demand anything: even here the extremes meet - the same will happen. Requirements are needed but dosed and feasible.
In general, childhood is called the “resource place”, the period of our life in which we draw emotional strength for further existence. Therefore, childhood must be happy, joyful.
Only the teenager who played enough, ran in childhood for the rest of his life, who was soaked with happiness forever, can be quite self-confident.
How do parents influence a child’s self-esteem? The psychologist comments:
The child is not confident: what to do?
Consult a specialist. It is necessary to diagnose to diagnose: understand the reason. And to eliminate this reason, to overcome.
It is naive to think that self-doubt can be overcome very easily with the help of several exercises, hypnosis sessions or auto-training methods. This is not true.
it deeply personal qualitywhich is connected with the core of our personality, is determined by our human essence.
To increase adolescent self-esteem, very serious changes are needed in the relationship with the adolescent, in his lifestyle, so that he learns to be more self-confident.
How to increase self-confidence girl?
How do girls instill confidence? Clearly, here we are talking about specifics strengthening self-esteem just girls, as opposed to boys.
In girls, their self-esteem is largely dependent on their opinion of their own attractiveness for the opposite sex.
Therefore, you need to teach a young girl perceive yourself as beautiful. Learn to be beautiful. Learn to dance, properly keep yourself and communicate with boys.
If her image of herself as a girl is high enough, she will be a confident enough person.
How to raise the self-confidence of a young man?
How to help his son overcome insecurity?
For guys physical appearance and physical attractiveness also matter. But not decisive.
The main thing is for the boy to feel strong and successful in some business. Strong, including physically. Therefore, it is necessary to teach the young man to develop physically: let him physically work, play sports or exercise.
If he studies poorly, you need to find him a case in which he will be successful.
If he has such a thing, and he perceives himself positively from the point of view of physical condition, then he will rate himself highly enough.
Increased self-esteem: do you need to do something with it?
Somewhat inflated self-esteem of a young child is considered the norm? Heightened self-esteem - misjudgment. So, of course, this is bad.
Self-confidence, as we have already noted, is the result of a fairly accurate correspondence between I-real and I-ideal.
Yes, more often we are faced with low self-esteem. However, overestimated is also not uncommon. It is found in students of elite educational institutions. In children of rich and high status parents (the so-called "majors").
What to do? Lower it using all possible methods. That is, telling a teenager what you think of him, how he really is. Punish for arrogance.
Heightened self-esteem as dangerous as understated.
A happy person who has strong ties with people, first of all, his loved ones, who love them and be loved by them, who is cared for, but he also has the opportunity and even his duty to take care of someone (even a dog or cat) that is successful at least in some socially significant business (even if it’s just school attendance or some kind of sport), never having heard the negative evaluations of his personality and appearance, having a fairly high status in the peer group - just can not be sure of myself.
But if something is wrong, it is not a sentence. Self-confident, we are not born, but become. And it is never too late to return or change something.
What if a teenage girl has low self-esteem? Practical tips:
