Some people are a bunch of resentment and bad memories. They are kept as the most valuable and cherished. And over time, such people turn into grumbling old men. Do you want to be the same? So, urgently need to learn to forgive.
Why do we get offended?
Exactly. No matter how trite, but it is often we who are offended, and the offender did not hold the evil, he just is a bad person or lives like that. But we constantly chew on the words of classmates, friends, a guy who did not do well, parents ...
Before you learn to forgive and let go of resentment, it is important to learn that resentment is one of the forms of aggression that relates to the sphere of our own value, that is, to our sense of our own importance. Yes, this is a discrepancy between reality and desires, but people who do not accept themselves are most prone to resentment. And the less acceptance of oneself, the greater the feeling that others may violate our personal boundaries, that is, offend us. In addition, we are most offended by what we ourselves suspect, that is, grievances grow directly from our complexes and feelings of inferiority.
But the secret resentment and obsession with them is self-destruction and devastation, which often affects physical health: resentment can "come out" in the form of endocrine and urinary system diseases.
Do not even try to revenge
If you carry out plans for cruel revenge, you will never learn to forgive. This is not an option and unproductive, because so we recognize our inferiority and our dislike for ourselves. There are other ways of forgiveness.
Get to know your offender better.
More precisely, analyze why this or that person offended you. Perhaps for him it is a way of life. One acquaintance of the author was very offended by employers who threw money and convinced a rather talented and intelligent girl that she was full of zero in her profession. Insult is so deeply entrenched in the psyche of the ladies that she plunged into a terrible depression for a long time. After a little investigation, the girl discovered that employers are ordinary scam artists and this is their usual algorithm of actions.
It is possible for a person that you do not accept it in any way. Or the person was inspired from birth with standards of behavior that are unacceptable to you.
Perhaps you just need to talk to the abuser. If a person does not offend the first time, it is easier just to reduce all contacts with him to a minimum.
Unleash aggression
Above, we have already said that insult is one of the forms of aggression. That is why it is worth giving yourself a chance to let off steam. You don’t have to shout at people, but you can go to the gym or buy a punching bag, martial arts, etc.
Tell the person about your hurt feelings.
Sometimes people do not even suspect that they have offended you, because for them it is normal. Do not expect that the person himself will understand and ask for forgiveness. Men in general often do not notice that they hurt a woman. So just say it to the person.
You can talk offense alone, or even allow yourself to shout. If you have a good friend, you can shout out to him.
Look at yourself
Perhaps it does not offend you at all, but you provoke. This is more characteristic of women. Many women, rolling up scandals from scratch, are surprised that their husbands offend them. And you can just make out the beam in your own eye.
Write a letter
The easiest way to describe the offense is a big letter and burn it. More advanced technique offers magic Simoron. You write offenses for a whole week and from different people on small leaves. Then they are put on a long thread. At home you walk with such a "tail", clinging to it more and more new leaves. After seven days of diligent description, go and burn this tail.
And finally, you can write a letter to the person who offended you. Express all your most negative feelings, explain ... And then write a response letter allegedly the offender himself, telling everything that they would like to hear from this person. This is suitable if the person you are offended has already died or if your paths diverged.
Try to understand the cause of the insult
Perhaps that which hurt you yesterday, today will seem like a ridiculous little thing. And compared to what you have experienced in recent years, the old grievance inflicted on you in your youth may seem just as ridiculous and ridiculous.
Learn to let go of the situation
Understand that everything has already happened and there is no possibility to redraw the situation. The first time after an insult you will not be easy to forget it, but after you understand what exactly the discomfort has delivered, it will be easier to let go.
Thinking about the benefits
What are the benefits of being offended? Try to understand yourself. And then try to understand exactly what benefits will bring you forgiveness. Perhaps it will make you happier and help you change for the better. Think where the benefits are.
Advice: if you like to meditate, you can present your grievances in the form of birds and just let them out of the cage ... One by one ...
See also:
How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one - 5 tips
How not to be offended by people: 7 ways from practicing psychologists
