Constant feeling that bad situations only happen to you? Only your trolley bus breaks down, just before you pick up the last product, only you have soiled your new shirt? These are manifestations of the victim complex. It is laid from the very childhood. But this does not mean that it is impossible to get rid of him.
What is a victim complex?
The victim complex is attitudes, life position and behavior of people who tend to act as victims in different situations. Unforeseen situations, accidents, failures in various aspects often happen to them.
For a representative with a victim complex, it is typical:
- always complaining about something;
- get stuck in ridiculous situations;
- blame others for their problems: family members, friends, acquaintances, employees at work or classmates, a seller from the nearest store;
- be unsure;
- to think that all troubles come from coincidence;
- accepting pity from other people for showing love;
- afraid to express their feelings and opinions;
- often lose the hand in front of difficulties, give up quickly;
- always and everywhere to expect that something is about to happen;
- desire to become better, which no one notices;
- feel awkward when you need to ask for help;
- it's hard to refuse someone's suggestions, requests;
- wait for approval from others to move on;
- often seek advice from friends, not making a decision on their own;
- bad mood, feeling depressed, sometimes - depression.
Easy to calculate by phrases: "Do not pay attention to this - with me always", "For the best I do not expect in this life", "Nothing dedends on me", "I have no luck", "When will it all stop?".
Eternally ill and unhappy - this phrase is about them. These are people who very often catch cold, or have more severe chronic diseases. Because illness and poor health are a simple way to become an object of attention and care.
For the victim, this behavior is familiar.. There is no understanding that all negative situations are not accidental. And just a consequence of thinking and acting. In fact, just wants to get love from others. But does not know how to build strong relationships. Therefore, one has to subconsciously manipulate in this way.
Causes of the victim complex
Most of our complexes reach out from childhood. And this is no exception. As a rule, this contributes to the specific type of education of the two extremes. In one embodiment, the parents do not like and do not appreciate the child, they do not attach enough attention. Therefore, in order to draw their attention, it was “necessary” to get sick or invent a problem.
Also, a child with this type of upbringing is not supported in undertakings and is not praised for good deeds and achievements. Therefore, growing insecure in itself. It is difficult for him to make a decision on his own, as he is afraid to make a wrong move. For which sometimes could be punished.
In another embodiment child rearing is under hyperthread. Near his parents are always, and do not give yourself a choice. But at the same time it is in very comfortable conditions, when all the problems are solved by mom and dad. That is, it grows and looks at the world through rose-colored glasses.
When he gets into real life, he has to cope with situations himself, build relationships with other people. Problems are not clear how to solve them? Therefore, there is nothing better than how to become a victim, who does not understand anything and cannot leave the vicious circle.
The child is always wrapped in love and care. And here in the big world, no one just wants to show warm feelings for him. They must be earned. Therefore, often, in the absence of a better option, it shows itself to be weak and defenseless in order to attract attention and return that part of great love in childhood.
Complexes can develop in adulthood. For example, at the university or at work, the team was not accepted for various reasons. There is a feeling of oppression, self-esteem falls. In this mental state, problems are attracted by a magnet. And a person becomes a victim, as the people around them, and situations.
What are the types of complex
The victim complex can manifest itself in two forms:
- Submissive. The man is very quiet, obeys everything, obeys everyone. He endures negative situations, dropping his head and justifying that this could only happen to him, this is normal.
- Demonstrative. Loudly and theatrically proclaims: "Why do I need all this?". It is imperative that people around you hear it whose attention they want to achieve. He lays his hands and reveals indignant from a bad fate.
It is possible to classify this lifestyle by sex. Because both articles express the victim complex in special ways.
Women
Beautiful women want to be protected and loved. And also to be admired. But not everyone is able to achieve this, or choose the right partner in life. Therefore, resort to manipulation.
- Undivided love. Women who have not learned to appreciate themselves and think that they deserve a good partner in life will always not fall in love mutually. Or a man will love, but not be a reliable support. Often these girls are physically or mentally abused, and do not leave such a family. Feel unhappy and unable to find something better.
- Unsuccessful housewife. If a woman wanted to have a good job, but could not. Will envy her friends, careerists. And to realize herself somewhere, she becomes a housewife. To be busy during the day, and her husband praised her. For the sake of pleasant words, she is ready to put up with any prohibitions, frames, instructions. And then complain about the kitchen to friends, how difficult it is.
- Mom for everyone. Such a girl tries to console everyone: her husband, her friends and her colleague. She is ready to waste her time to listen to others. Tries to give them advice so that they consider her good and loved. But it is difficult to ask someone for help, it does not attach itself due attention. Therefore, it becomes an unfortunate victim.
Men
Men want to feel strong, a hero. But if this does not work, then they begin to look for women with a steel character. So that she protects them, takes responsibility, controls everything. And then the wife turns into another "mother".
- Addiction. Male representatives are emotionally dependent on their partner. They are unsure of themselves, their decisions. Therefore, a woman does everything for them.
- Failure. So laid by nature that a man wants to conquer, to achieve something, has big ambitions. If, after some attempts, his aspirations were crowned with a loss, then the grip is lost. He begins to complain about the circumstances around him, consider himself a loser and a hostage to unforeseen situations.
How to get rid of the victim complex
The victim complex can create not only psychological discomfort, but physical. Because often on such people commit an act of violence. Therefore, this is the negative type of thinking and behavior, which is worth getting rid of quickly. To do this, you need to work on your self-esteem as well as rethinking how to get attention.
1. Accept responsibility
It is very convenient to push responsibility for your life into a random situation, bad weather, co-workers, a black cat. And as if a person has nothing to do with, respectively, he cannot decide anything and take responsibility. But it may be different! After all, only he is the cause of what is happening around him. As soon as she feels guilty, it will become easier, because it means that she can fix everything!
2. Not to be comfortable for others.
Victims are often used because they cannot refuse, they want to be praised for their dedication. If there is no time or desire to help someone, then you can stop agreeing on everything. There is a right to say "no" if something does not suit. The interlocutor will understand this reluctance. It is even possible that for a firm position will become more respected.
3. Do not ask permission
The point is that you do not always need to ask others if something can be done if there is a right to do so. In public transport, instead of: "Allow me to remove your handbag from the next seat?", You can say: "Please take the bag. I want to sit down." It is easier to achieve the desired, if you confidently handle and talk to people.
4. Talk about yourself
It is worth talking about yourself, about your feelings, feelings, discontent. And do not remain just a listener. After all, I also want to share about sore. In most cases, it helps to establish a problematic relationship, get rid of negative thoughts.
5. Require quality services
It is worth knowing about your rights as a client and a buyer. If you cheated, you can politely point out the problem and ask for a refund. Or if dissatisfied with the performance of services, then report it to the head or higher instance, to compensate for this. In this case, they will think carefully next time whether it is worth doing their work so poorly, especially for someone who complained, or selling expired products.
6. "No" late
In order to be loved and respected, punctuality plays a significant role. Always being a victim of traffic jams, spilled coffee in a hurry in the morning, or a pedestrian who was nearly hit by a car on the way to work is not a coincidence. You can set the alarm earlier, order a taxi for a couple of minutes earlier too. Thus, there will be enough time for a hot invigorating drink before the working day, and you can safely go through the pedestrian crossing to the green light.
7. Be attentive
Following the point above: mindfulness is an important feature! After all, precisely because they do not look at their feet, they often stumble over branches and curbs running through a dog. Nobody spoiled karma to anyone, no. When leaving the house, it would be nice to leave the world of your fantasies and get to the right place without incident. Also when performing important tasks.
8. Love yourself
Everyone is always worthy of the best. Constantly spending time on self-blame badly affects the mental state, self-confidence in particular. If you open your eyes and look at your positive features, you can see a large number of them. After all, they have all! If you allow yourself to love yourself, then others will stretch. If you are not satisfied with the partner, you can search for a more suitable one, because everyone deserves to be happy, and not to endure the negative all his life.
Attract attention, receive care and love in other ways. For example, working on relationships, strengthening them, mutual understanding. And by imposing responsibility for what is happening, you can get rid of the constant oppressive situations and the complex of the victim once and for all. Therefore, the sooner you take up a change in your thinking and attitude, the faster your troubles will go away.
