The loss of one of the relatives is always a surprise, for which there is no way to prepare. It is impossible to immediately recognize and accept the situation. How to survive the death of a close and dear person, when it seems that this is impossible?
Will of the senses
In some cultures, it is customary to restrain one’s emotions — especially men. But everyone has his own nervous system, and tears are an opportunity to take an excessive load off it. Therefore, the first thing you need to do - give free rein to tears, no matter alone or with a loved one.
You can not allow others to impose their opinion about who and what should feel. They may think and even say something like: “You are too sad.” Or: “You do not grieve enough.” Forgive them and forget about it.
Everyone has a feeling of grief in their own way. Trying to comply with the rules invented by someone, you can interfere with your own spiritual healing. Therefore, it is better to ignore someone else's opinion on this subject - it does not matter.
Because everyone’s grief is expressed differently, it may seem that no one can understand your feelings. Because of this, I want to leave and isolate themselves from others. But this is not an option. It is better to allow a close friend to show participation and be near.
Sometimes along with sadness come feelings of resentment or guilt. Someone may be angry with relatives, doctors - for not taking care, or even for the deceased - because he, for example, did not ask for help on time. Most often, people blame themselves. It seems that if something was done or not done, everything would be different. Grievances and conflicts with the deceased emerge in the memory - and the feeling of guilt grows with a new force. What to do with these feelings?
First of all, recognize that such thoughts are normal, regardless of whether they are justified or not. At this point, our brain works this way under the influence of severe pain of loss. These feelings need not be suppressed or hushed up. They are also better to discuss with a loved one.
Of course, it is important how such a discussion will take place. You should not attack relatives with accusations - they are also hurt, and the conflict will only aggravate the sadness of both sides. Calm conversation will allow you to share feelings and find out the critical moments. It is worth remembering that indignation is an emotion, the usual reaction to grief, and not to follow it. This needs to be kept in mind and in relation to feelings of guilt. Knowing that this feeling - no more than one of the symptoms of grief, you can save yourself from depression. Constant thinking “if ...” cannot change what happened, but it will prevent recovery.
Unfortunately, even the strongest love does not allow to control every step and decision of a person, to foresee everything and protect everything from everything. It's impossible.
At first time
All procedures associated with the loss of a loved one require a lot of emotional and physical strength just when they are not there. Therefore, it is especially important to devote time to rest and nutrition. Yes, most likely there will be no appetite, but the body still needs support. You may need medical help - no need to hesitate to apply for it.
Often the situation radically changes lives, and requires important decisions. It is better to postpone them at least for some time. Do not immediately sell housing, quit or get a job. Firstly, it will be impossible to weigh everything sensibly. Secondly, it is an additional and completely unnecessary stress. You need to give your body time to recover at least a little. This also applies to not such global solutions - even domestic ones. How to deal with the things of the deceased, whether it is necessary to rearrange the furniture - all these questions are better resolved after a while.
A good way to relieve heartache is to pour out your feelings on paper. The diary is a good help in this regard.
Do not allow yourself to believe all superstitions that may impose. They cannot change anything, and often those who impose them are not meant to comfort the grieving person — someone may even seek personal gain.
It would be rash to set a time frame for your experiences. Often grief lasts longer than the person planned. Do not blame yourself for sudden bouts of anguish, tears, which will appear even after a long time after the loss. This can happen anywhere - in the store, on the way to work, and this is normal.
It will take patience to communicate with others. Most of them will be worried, not knowing what to say - and at the same time speaking out of place. It is worth the effort to understand them and show condescension to their mistakes.
Over time
Alcohol and certain medications may provide temporary relief. Unfortunately, this can cause emotional dependence. Worse, it can greatly slow down the process of recovery, because such a departure from the problem leads away from its solution. As a result, you can come to a dead end, from which it will not be easy to get out. It is better to have patience to survive what happened as it is, to pour out feelings, and then the forces will live on.
To continue to live, you need to restore the daily routine as much as possible. Even simple actions such as going to the store will require effort. But employment will allow to fill the brain with fresh thoughts and not to fall into apathy. This is an opportunity to help yourself continue to live.
It is difficult to believe in it, but over time the acute pain will subside. This does not mean that a person has forgotten or disliked the deceased. This allows you to return to the warm memories, which can be a truly precious comfort. They can be shared with loved ones - it will give a lot of warm minutes.
In life, there will be a place for new anxieties, during which loneliness and helplessness can be especially acutely felt. So that they will not be discouraged, you need to tune in to solve problems as they occur, and not worry in advance.
In order to survive the loss, and continue to live on, it is important not to hesitate to pour out your feelings, to understand that they are normal. It will be wise to continue to take care of your health, try to return to the usual rhythm of life and keep warm memories.
