There is a strong opinion that there is always someone in a pair. one loves more and the second just lets himself be loved.
The statement is controversial, and if we analyze it in detail, it turns out that such a distribution of feelings is quite beneficial for each of the partners.
Indeed, there are people who hard to accept equality: they do not know how to receive and give equally, their resource can work only in one direction.
For example, these people revel in their love for the object of adoration, and reciprocity for them is not the most valuable criterion. So what is better: to love or to be loved? We learn the opinion of experts.
Psychology of one-sided feelings
Healthy relationships are defined very simply. - I love, love me, I want to make my partner happy, he wants to make me happy.
Quite understandable and reasonable equality, which, however, is not always met.
At least every second person experiencing various neurotic spectrum problems. And the higher the level of development of society, the more these problems.
There are many people who do not know how to stay in a healthy relationship. They did not see examples of such an understanding and acceptance, or once received an important emphasis on something else, and now they have been searching for the same emotions all their lives.
For them, the inequality of love is self-worth. Their position “I love, but I do not” turns into a goal, an obsession, a meaning. The conquest of your partner, the constant search for new forms of demonstration of your love become the meaning.
Many people, to put it simply, love themselves in these sufferings, searches, conquests. They like to be close to someone who does not fully become their person. It holds in some tension, gives their own life some sharpness.
This keeps the lover in constant tone, which for many people is the necessary maintenance of the "fire of life." In a word, one-sided love for a person is not a forced suffering, a given, but a conscious choice.
Love or allow yourself to love? Which strategy is correct? Opinion psychologist:
Why a person does not need reciprocity?
Does one always love in a relationship, and the second allows you to love yourself?
Here is a valuable note: a huge number of people tend not to love, but to a perfect marital relationship.
It would seem that this is the same thing - but no, there is a gap between these two concepts at times.
Judge for yourself: For many, ideal family relationships include a clear distribution of responsibilities, following certain orders, lack of quarrels, and, figuratively speaking, smoothness of family existence. What does this have to do with love?
Love is living and changing substance. The period of enthusiasm and knowledge of each other is replaced by lapping, value of new qualities in each other, recognition of partners in new social roles.
First you are a man and a woman who are just dating. Then you live together, life interferes in the relationship. Then you are husband and wife, you find each other in new roles. Then you are parents, etc.
The process of recognition and acceptance can not be even. A living organism changes, grows, passes some obstacles. Loving people can quarrel, but healthy love is the desire to protect others from suffering.
Frequent quarrels are love for quarrels and dependence on them, and not an indicator of the high passions of passionately in love people.
If you think you love and the other only allows you to love yourself, it's not a love story at all.
Remember, in a healthy relationship, in true love:
- you both want to make each other happier;
- you both care about each other;
- both of you need the manifestations of your love;
- both of you are waiting for the response feelings and accept them.
What is the contradiction? And it is because, due to your characteristics and expectations, you can regard the actions of another person in a couple as insufficient.
Here the wife is thinking: “Yes, I have time for everything for his sake — to remove, and cook, and take the children from the garden, and cleanliness from me, and order. And he comes home from work, ate and just washed the dishes. I love him more! ”
Tell me, was there an initial agreement in this pair: how to express the volume of your love? Most likely, no, few people in reality discuss this. Often the husband accepts the care of his wife, but his care is not shown in the competition “I will do even more.”
He came, ate, from the front of the work he saw only the unwashed dishes (and the rest the wife really managed to do everything herself), he washed it. And she sits, offended. What do we have to do? Speak. And do not give your expectations to another person.
To admire the ideal or to be it?
Why is it important for some to know that you are loved, and for others it is important to love yourself?
One very popular Russian singer for many years and in his work, and the more traditional way talks about his unearthly, passing love to another very popular Russian singer.
it part of his image and probably part of his nature. The most interesting thing is that reciprocity is not primary for this person. He revels in his own love, and its indivisibility gives a special color to his feelings.
It is very easy to love the ideal. He cannot disappoint, he is always constant, he was invented by us on our own requests. It is love that always burns, it is insured against disappointment. In short, this is a very profitable feeling.
Back story - a person cannot live without the feeling that he is madly in love. Moreover, it is not so important who loves. The main thing is that he constantly felt someone's mad dependence on him.
Such people are often collect fans or female fans, and constantly “monitor” the degree of love, the quality of affection. There are several reasons for this: internal complexes that eat people from within, “sagging” self-sufficiency, hypertrophied egocentrism.
Loving yourself: the pros and cons
Through love, man knows himself. Both negative and positive traits are revealed through the way a person loves.
because main plus of love that does not require reciprocity, it is an opportunity to understand - that you are yourself.
Are you capable of selflessness, deed, constancy? Sometimes it turns out that before the first strong love arises, a person does not understand himself and does not realize who he is.
prosif you love yourself:
- A person is happy in love - she inspires, she creates meanings, she makes your life more interesting and brighter, however banal it may sound.
- You learn to love - you do not tolerate someone else's feelings, perhaps strangling you, but you grope about your manifestations of love.
A rare person regrets that he once loved. But often people regret that they loved those who did not respect them initially.
it from a series of unhealthy relationships, which should not be worried even because of the experience.
To be loved: advantages and disadvantages
And this too self-knowledge.
You can look at yourself: how you respond to the feelings of another person, it makes you happy or anxious, nourishes or takes energy.
Because it is undoubted plus one-way loveif they love you. Finally, many people themselves are capable of strong feelings only in response to someone's love.
They may love out of gratitude, and this may well be a happy story. This is the confidence that you give your heart to someone who appreciates and adores you.
Minus nonreciprocal love - this is dissatisfaction. Many people are embarrassed because they can not reciprocate the lover. They feel obliged to him, and often enter into a relationship out of a sense of duty.
But the reciprocal attitude cannot be reached. And these are already destructive processes within themselves, again, nothing good comes out of such an imbalance.
What is more important - to love or be loved? What does reciprocity depend on? You will learn the answers to these questions from the video:
Psychology tips
Loving
How to behave in a relationship where you love? Strive need not to visually perfect relationship, but to true love.
This story is about feelings that are not inferior, if you do not show them in social networks, if you do not look for visible evidence of love for yourself.
If you love:
- Try to be honest and objective. It is very important to understand whether you love this person, or your ideal image that you have tried on so successfully.
- Think about what you lack in a relationship. If the first thing you think about is reciprocity, then you are ready for healthy and true love. But if the answers - passion, adventure, change yourself (from the series "I'm not good enough for the object of my love"), it means that you are dependent on painful relationships. You need to work on yourself and put everything in its place.
- The famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky emphasizes in his speeches - do not waste yourself on a person who does not respect you. And if he did not respect you initially, then you didn’t have to start a relationship at all.
Non-reciprocal stories were probably all. The question is whether you are “addicted” to them or made other conclusions in favor of maintaining a stable psyche.
And only with a stable psyche, you can count on a happy and long relationship.
Loved ones
How to behave in a relationship where they love you? To begin with, is it worth it to enter into this relationship?
Before agreeing on them, think for what you do it.
What is the true reason for such consent. If this feeling of gratitude, then it must be very strong, and not stand only on your complexes. Relationships can not start from the promise "but suddenly no one else will love."
If they love you:
- Rate the chances of how sensible the love response is. If this is not your man at all, but I will try, get ready for a path full of disappointments for both.
- Try to understand what the person is guided by. If it is a quiet and delicate love, it makes sense to look at this person, but if it is an exhausting, destructive feeling, and your potential partner artificially inflates a situation of suffering and sadness, it may not be you or wanting to love and care for you. You are just a convenient pawn in a game tied up on your own neurosis.
- It happens that a person just not ready for a new relationship. You cannot accept the love of another until your heart, brain, soul has left the past in the past. Sometimes time is the best thing you can choose.
A painful relationship is in the future a road to an oncologist and a cardiologist. Psychologists are sure of this, and you should not check the accuracy of the statement.
If a person chokes you with his love, and says that you replace him the whole world, think about whether he has his own world at all? Sometimes with painful love, a person simply fills his emptiness.
In a normal relationship, everything is simple. You immediately understand who you are.
And love each other not good, but as they are. Understand this is before you have children, get a common real estate.
Love does not require sacrifice. Like beauty does not require sacrifice. As well as their health does not require them either (it requires ill health). Choose yourself in everything.
This does not apply to selfishness, this the reason for the priority of a healthy mind is always. And it is possible with a balance, when you yourself give, and you receive. Only in this way is the integrity of the relationship achieved.
What is better for a woman - to love or be loved? Expert Opinion:
