Basic techniques of constructive communication and interaction

The task of any dialogue is bring your own thoughts to the other personand also understand the essence of what he said.

To build an effective conversation, you need to know what is constructive communication.

Only guided by the rules, methods and techniques of constructive communication, you can talk and negotiate successfully with people.

Constructive communication - what is it in psychology?

Constructive communication - the format of communication (both oral and written), in which objective information is transmitted, without value judgments and a personal relationship to it or to the interlocutor.

In other words, a person speaks impartially, and separates his attitude towards the topic of conversation or the person with whom he is talking. It is objective and separates the information itself from its source.

The difference of constructive conversation from constructive communication in general - the action takes place in real time. Often, the conversation is between two interlocutors.

Constructive conversation is a dialogue in which each of the interlocutors seeks to convey their own point of view and correctly understand the information emanating from the second person.

The basics

In order to effectively convey information to the interlocutor, as well as to perceive what is heard, you need to use simple, basic concepts of constructive communication.

Perceive information objectively. Regardless of the identity of the person who transmits it. You may not agree with the point of view, or you may not like a person who expresses this point of view. However, constructive communication implies the ability to consider the position, even if it is not close to you.

Lack of bright of emotions. Talking on high tones - destructive communication. Being in a charged emotional state (especially negative), a person cannot adequately perceive the information physically. You can miss important details that prevent you from looking at the point of view holistically.

Conditions

Effective dialogue is possible only under certain conditions, without which it is impossible to react constructively to the interlocutor's speech - it will not work.

Treats a person as equal. His social status, position in society, popularity and other external attributes should not affect the dialogue. This condition works in both directions - it is not necessary to adapt to the person in charge simply because he is richer or more powerful.
You also do not need to show superiority or condescending attitude towards a person who is wealthier or less well below you.
Carefully listen to the interlocutor. Do not just hear, but listen. Focus on his words, connect figurative thinking, memorize details. It is necessary to move away from external stimuli and immerse yourself in dialogue.

Be unbiased. One must be ready to understand a person, because what he says is the result of his mental and practical activity, past experience. He did not come to his point of view in one day, and therefore it makes sense to understand his position. Of course, it is not necessary and immediately change your point of view on what the interlocutor presents. Balance is important here - to listen and analyze information, not accepting or rejecting its source.
Choosing the right buddy. Not every question can be discussed with every person.
If you want to solve a problem, it is better to contact a competent person who has either encountered the same problem or has extensive experience in solving it, is a professional.
There are people with whom it is generally impossible to build a competent constructive dialogue. Weight options:

a person is emotional in itself, and therefore reacts inadequately to information;
personal dislike for you is so great that a person does not want to go into dialogue;
the person is an egoist and your problem does not bother him;
the person thinks your problem is simple, easily solved, and therefore thinks that you are “in vain worried”.

rules

To maintain a mutually respectful constructive dialogue, you can use several of the rules listed below:

Try to remove from the speech such words as "must", "must". There are people who perceive phrases with these words extremely negatively. No one likes being ordered. It is better to use the “words of opportunity”: “you can”, “you are capable”.
Do not impose your point of view or pattern of behavior.. In continuation to the previous paragraph. The thesis “do as I do, simply because I want it so” is not very effective in communication.
If you want to motivate a person to do the same as you do - show him the benefits. In which he will benefit from the adoption of your point of view, what benefits will receive.
Be tactful (don't be annoying). For each person there are topics that he does not want to discuss (sometimes even with the closest people). Often these topics are personalized - each has his own. If a person responds evasively to a question or laughs off - it means that he is not ready to develop this topic. Do not push or ask again, otherwise the development of a conflict situation is possible.
Refuse provocations. Since we are talking precisely about constructive communication, there is no need for provocation or manipulation. “Yes, you are a coward,” “You are jealous,” and other phrases can not only turn out to be false arguments, but also detract from the interlocutor.

Imagine yourself in the place of the interlocutor. One of the best methods to understand a person. Sometimes it may seem that the interlocutor complains about a trifle or whines in vain. But if the problem is easily solved for you, not the fact that the person on the contrary is able to solve it so easily. A lot of factors affect the way out of a problem situation - will power, resistance to stress, skills, personal qualities, past experience.
To most effectively understand a person, try to look at the problem through his eyes.

Ways and techniques

Receptions of constructive communication are the correct wording of words and expressions. Their goal is to prevent conflict or any other negative effect in the dialogue.

Use positive meaning in sentences. For example, you want a person to come to a meeting at the appointed time. You can express a thought using both negative meaning (“Do not be late”) or positive (“Come on time”). A positive format is more positive and makes for polite communication, while using negative phrases can cause negative. Compare: “do not be ill” and “be healthy”.

The expression of their feelings. The bottom line is to talk about what you are experiencing, instead of blaming the other person. “You hurt me” - the accusation, “I feel hurt because of the words spoken” - an expression of feelings. Both of them speak of one fact, but the accusation sets a person to conflict, and the conversation about his feelings - to solve the problem.

Interaction techniques

Consider a few effective communication techniques that allow you to make it as useful and informative as possible for both parties:

Technique of active listening. It is a constant dialogue. You carefully listen to the person and ask questions that clarify or reveal the subject more deeply. So the interlocutor sees that you perceive his words, analyze what he said.
But it is important to observe the line - to feel the moment at which you can ask a clarifying question.
If you interrupt a person several times, in a hurry wanting to open a topic, you may seem like a superficial and tactless conversationalist.
The technique of passive listening. You also listen carefully to what the person is talking about, but ask less frequently. This communication format is more like a monologue. You wait until the interlocutor fully expresses his thought and only after that begin to discuss the topic. In the process of listening, it is important to let the person understand that you really understand what you are talking about - nod, briefly agree, if possible mark key points - write theses on paper or on a smartphone.

Empathic listening technique. Implies a complete immersion in the situation of the interlocutor. You are modeling in your head the position in which he found himself, and trying to understand his motives of actions, point of view, etc. This technique is suitable for people with high sensitivity, developed empathy.

What is the difference between constructive and destructive communication?

Above, we considered the ways and methods of constructive communication: the prevention of conflict is important to prevent the emergence of barriers in the dialogue. Destructive business communication leads to conflict, sometimes reaching hostility or hostility.

The main difference lies in the basic concept of each type of communication. Constructive - configured to receive answers, conclude a deal, contract or solve a specific problem.

Destructive communication is exactly the opposite. It is aimed at the development of conflict, the deterioration of relations.

Sometimes destructive method used for manipulation or provocation, in order to bring the interlocutor out of himself, thereby harming his reputation.

Criticism

Criticism - a very effective tool for growth.

If a person is constantly told that his activity is exceptionally good, then he will be stuck on one level and stop developing.

But it is necessary to criticize constructively - only in this case positive result. There are a number of rules by which critics will work effectively:

To separate a person from his activities (work, deed). The most important rule is to never criticize a person. “You are bad” and “you have done a bad deed” are completely different formulations, although the situation is the same - for example, a child broke a pot of flowers. It works - a constructive function of pedagogical communication, because in childhood the psyche is only being formed, it is necessary to criticize for misconduct, but also to remind you that you are not worse for the child because of this.
It is important to make it clear to the person - you do not go to the person, but give a critical assessment of the specific action.
Same thing with work. If a friend asked you to evaluate his drawing - it is important to answer honestly, but focus on the fact that you criticize the work, and not personally.
Competence in the field of criticism. To criticize the film - not necessarily remove your own. But to have basic knowledge about the structure of the plot, the elaboration of the characters and their motivation, internal and external conflict in the work is useful. Criticism must be justified, the necessary criteria for evaluation. “I did not like it” is a value judgment, which has nothing in common with constructive criticism.

Suggest solutions. The rule corresponds to the famous saying “Criticize - offer”. You should advise the person how to correct the situation, do better. A simple statement of fact is not enough. Try to give several solutions, share your own experience with the person.