Different types of manipulations are widespread in society.
The main purpose of the manipulator - to benefit from the victim, to make her do everything as he wants.
Anyone can face manipulation in communication, and even close people can be manipulators: parents, partners, friends.
What is manipulative communication?
Manipulative communication - a kind of communication, which implies the desire to psychologically put pressure on the interlocutor in order to benefit from his words, actions, decisions.
Manipulations can be both secretive and fairly explicit, although the victim of a manipulator cannot always correctly understand his intentions.
In marketing and business relationships manipulations are widely spread and are not generally a problem: on the contrary, they are often even encouraged, because thanks to them people can get some benefit for their affairs, support enterprises, and get more comfortable conditions.
Of course, not all consider manipulations in these areas acceptable, but they have become part of everyday life and have become one of the key parts of marketing theory.
The manipulative style is one of several styles of business communication, which assumes that the manipulator perceives the object of his attention as a tool that allows him to achieve the desired.
Also in business communication emit humanistic and ritual styles
In this case, manipulation in everyday communication is really becoming a problem. The manipulator regularly delivers psychological discomfort to the people around him, forcing him to make decisions that negatively affect their lives.
Often, he himself suffers from the way he behaves, since people confronted with manipulations may realize that want to break the conversation.
Not all manipulators resort to manipulation consciously, and in some cases, manipulative behavior may be due to the presence of a person's various mental disorders.
Some depressed people may try to manipulate loved ones to get more warmth and support. Also, manipulators can move fears, conscious or not.
For example, an unmarried woman who is afraid of loneliness may try to manipulate grown up daughter continued to live with her.
It is believed that the manipulators see in their victims only means that will allow to get the benefit. Indeed, part of the manipulators in exactly this way perceive those with whom they interact.
However the manipulation often come from close surroundings. If a friend manipulates, it does not mean that he is not a friend or does not value the object of his manipulations at all; on the contrary, he can be sure that he is doing the right thing and that it will not lead to anything bad.
Types and techniques
Manipulations are divided into:
- Lucid The manipulator fully understands why he resorts to manipulations, he has developed a rough plan of action. This kind of manipulation is common in business relationships, although it can also occur in everyday interaction, especially if the manipulator is calculating and practical. For example, a merchant who tells a visitor how it will incredibly transform his use of this cream and that this will undoubtedly attract the attention of the opposite sex resorts to deliberate manipulation: he seeks to sell the goods.
- Unconscious. The manipulator does not fully understand what purpose he pursues when trying to influence his victim.
In some cases, he basically does not understand that what he is doing is manipulation.
Unconscious manipulations are often found in everyday communication. For example, a mother who does not want to part with her matured daughter is hardly fully aware of what her actions will ultimately lead to.
The main techniques of manipulators:
- Intimidation. In order to effectively apply this technique (and several others), the manipulator must properly examine the victim in order to understand what exactly it is afraid of. Fear is especially effective at manipulating anxious, insecure, depressive people. Example: a son wants to meet a friend from social networks for the first time, but to get to his city, you need to go long enough. His father and mother are against the trip, so they are trying to intimidate him with assurances that something bad could happen to him: they would steal money, a quarrel with a friend would occur.
- Ignoring, silence. Manipulators that have a close relationship with the victim: parents, children, friends, partners, brothers, sisters more often resort to this tool. Naturally, ignoring will not help if the victim has no feelings for the manipulator. Usually, manipulators are ignored if they fail to otherwise affect the victim. Example: a mother against the idea of a son to work as a janitor during the summer holidays. She has already used a number of manipulative tactics: she pressed on pity, on feelings of guilt, intimidated. But the son remained adamant. As a result, the mother stopped talking to him.
- Use feelings of guilt and pressure on pity. The manipulator seeks to cause the victim to blame for her intentions or actions, so that she does what he wants. Often this technique is combined with pressure for pity, but can be used without it. Example: the husband was going to file for divorce, and the wife is trying to pressure him to be ashamed: he tells how it will be difficult for her and the children and that she will not cope with anything, crying.
- Flattery, praise. A device that is effective even when there is no close emotional connection between the manipulator and the victim.
In this case, the manipulator can either flatter or praise, the essence is the same, just in the first case he is insincere, and in the second - sincere.
Yes, manipulators can be sincere. Example: A colleague wants to force another colleague to help him, assuming that he will do most of the work. For this, he begins to praise his abilities so that he, having penetrated, will decide to help.
- Care. The manipulator tries to force the victim to do what he wants, using this gentle method of influence. He is trying to disguise psychological pressure with care. Example: a girl wants to go to a university located far from home, and her mother wants to prevent it. So she uses phrases like “Maybe you better change your mind? Suddenly what will happen. I worry about you. ”
Manipulators can also put pressure on other feelings, such as sense of duty, greed, appeal to authority ("But the scientist N treated this very differently," the use of quotations).
Each manipulator affects the victim in its own way.
Some manipulators are aggressive and straightforward, actively use insults, others, on the contrary, are polite, courteous, usually use methods related to pseudo-care and flattery.
In pedagogy
Manipulativity in pedagogical communication between teachers and students widespread: students (and schoolchildren) seeking to benefit from teachers use various manipulative techniques: they put pressure on pity, flatter them, and so on, after finding out as much information as possible about the teacher from other students.
This leads to the fact that many teachers feel deceived, annoyed, angry.
The highest percentage of manipulations observed in pre-session periods and during sessions. Moreover, only 6% of teachers believe that manipulations are unacceptable and are extremely negative.
86% of teachers are of the opinion that the manipulating students do this because they want to get a sufficient grade without doing anything.
Also, 66% of teachers noted that also use manipulative techniques in communicating with students.
Common manipulator phrases
Such phrases are very often pronounced by manipulators, and people communicating with them will surely recall cases when they heard them.
- You are too sensitive. A classic example of gaslighting: the manipulator tries to set the victim's reaction to his own words as something wrong, defective, trying to make her believe that something is wrong with her.
- Phrases beginning with the same. “You're a girl,” “You're a man,” “You're a programmer,” “You're a mother,” “You're a doctor.” These and similar phrases essentially became a meme in RuNet.
The person who uses them seeks to put pressure on the stereotypes about gender and professions that are well-established in society and get the necessary response from the victim.
- If you do this, I will do this. “If you lose weight, I will definitely marry you,” “If you break up with your Tolik, I will give you money to pay for the university.” A person speaks all these manipulative phrases in order to satisfy his own needs and at the same time “re-educate” his victim.
- Discounting statements. “Ha, found the problem! People without arms and legs somehow cope, but you can’t find a job, ”“ I would have your problems. ” The manipulator depreciates the difficulties of the victim, while receiving the desired response.
- I am joking! Usually pronounced after a series of insults of varying degrees of covert. In this case, the manipulator seeks to hurt the victim, and then set her reactions as inadequate and at the same time look innocent.
- You are incredibly selfish. Of course, it is beneficial for the manipulator to have the person on whom he acts show sacrifice, pliability, please him, and not stand his ground. That is why he utters similar phrases.
- You do not know how to accept criticism / Learn to accept criticism. Also pronounced after a series of insults issued for allegedly critical comments.
Manipulative levels
In psychology, there are a number of levels. in the process of communicating with people, such as:
- primitive;
- manipulative;
- business;
- game;
- spiritual;
- level masks.
The manipulative level of communication implies that a person perceives his interlocutor as tool to meet your own needs and achieve goals.
If the manipulative behavioral patterns prevail in a person, it can be considered a manipulator.
How to build boundaries?
Tips for those who seek to protect themselves from manipulation:
- Realize the problem and make a decision depending on your own desires. If you notice that you are trying to manipulate, remember that you do not have to cringe before the manipulator. Your desires are more important than his.
Before deciding on a proposal (not just a manipulative one), listen to yourself and understand what you want to do and how useful it will be for you to listen to your interlocutor.
- Increase self-esteem. A person with low self-esteem is very easy to manipulate, because he does not put himself in anything and gets used to groveling. Aligning self-esteem is very difficult, but still real. This will help you qualified psychologist, tutorials.
- Learn to refuse and realize that failure does not make you a bad person. There is an extensive category of people who strive to be the best for everyone, and therefore strive to please everyone. This is used by manipulators. It is important to be able to say "no" and not succumb to attempts to convince.
- Keep your distance, do not open to anyone. Trusting and naive people often become victims of manipulators, because they allow them to find out information that makes it possible to effectively manipulate. Keep an eye on your close surroundings, be vigilant and trust only those who are sure of their reliability.
Manipulations are not always a purely negative phenomenon, but people who have made manipulative behavior the basis of life should be feared. It is important to be able to defend against them. and at the same time maintain their own dignity.
About the negative manipulation of communication in this video:
