Probably not in the world of such a person who can honestly say that he never envied anyone. This feeling sometimes occurs during the life of a person and invariably brings destructive emotions. Unpleasant emotions also bring those situations when they envy us. What is the nature of envy and how to overcome this feeling unworthy of wise people?
What is envy.
In the simplest sense, envy means the desire to possess something that the other has. If we consider this question from a scientific point of view, then envy is called a certain combination of feelings and corresponding behavior that arise in response to the knowledge that someone else has something desired, and not always material.
Envy is not the most pleasant feeling, and it destroys the life of the envious, and the life of the object of envy. It is often accompanied by guilt, resentment, lower self-esteem, fear and other destructive emotions on both sides.
But you can find positive moments even in such a negative feeling. It is believed that the feeling of envy contributes to the development of self-esteem and self-control. Jealousy, a person begins to strive for self-development, and this is undoubtedly good. True, it is good only in the case when the destructive feeling of envy is recognized and studied.
Types of envy.
Some people traditionally distinguish several types or manifestations of envy, although, of course, the division is very conditional:
- "Black" envy is the most terrible and unpleasant feeling. To envy in black is to wish evil to someone who has achieved something more than you, even if everything else is not so smooth. For example, if suddenly a friend with the same level of education and work experience is offered a position where the salary is many times higher than yours, then thoughts like “Why does all this happen to him?”, “Why did he deserve it?” Appear etc. If a certain resentment on fate or worse appears further, the desire that the post should not be given to a friend after all is the manifestation of black envy. Surprisingly, this feeling is felt not to some representatives of the elite or famous rich people, but to their own acquaintances whose life is not much different from the life of an envier.
- “White” envy is considered a good feeling, if at all appropriate to say so. This described feeling is close to admiration, when the achievements of another person make the envious person grow. However, there is a big difference between white envy and admiration. When a person admires, he simply says how great is what others do or achieve. When a person is jealous, even if ostensibly in white, he compares himself with another, i.e. here there is not just an awareness of the successes of another, but also negative thoughts "But I ..." or "And here I have ...". If a person can stop himself before the appearance of these thoughts, this feeling will benefit him. If not, it is not much different from the first type of envy.
- “Gray” envy is a kind of borderline feeling that cannot always be recognized. This is a feeling of envy that is not recognized by man. Just sometimes it becomes unpleasant to someone and not comfortable in the presence of another: the mood falls, there is depression and apathy, dissatisfaction with life, and it can even cause mild depression. If you try to recognize the cause of such spiritual changes, it can be revealed that this is a reaction to stories about the successes of others, to some kind of boast or incontinence of friends. This inability to enjoy the achievements of others is a pretty bad factor. As with all other manifestations of envy, such feelings must be fought.
How to deal with the feeling of envy.
Firstly, in order to combat jealousy, it is important to accept the fact that it generally exists in humans. Awareness of this - almost half the solution. But the denial of the problem can trigger the situation. Then it will be possible to understand the tangle of complex and confused feelings already with a psychologist or psychotherapist.
Secondly, you need to deal with the origins of this feeling. It is necessary to identify the cause of envy. So, it can be either the career success of other people, or good personal and family relationships, or even the appearance of another person. And then you might think why these achievements or qualities do not appear in you. Maybe the other is making more effort to achieve career heights, threw a career for the sake of preserving the family or is he eagerly working on his appearance? It is important to assess the whole situation objectively, considering your possible shortcomings: laziness, lack of initiative, weak will, etc.
Thirdly, you need to try to imagine yourself in the place of the person who causes envy. And imagine his life completely, and not just those areas that cause a feeling of envy. What would you like with your career achievements every year to spend money on the treatment of a long-ill stomach or to constantly quarrel with the family because of the constant presence at work? Or would you like to tolerate not too pleasant relatives with a wonderful husband, whose number seems to be growing? Or did you suddenly want, along with your ideal appearance, to deny yourself everything that pleases the eye and stomach, and almost always be “forgotten” by friends? Only after answering these questions does a person begin to set goals that he really wants to achieve.
In the future, when you see the slightest feeling of envy in your thoughts, you must immediately wish the person well. Such tactics of spreading positive thoughts in the Universe will surely work, because thoughts are material. After all, if someone managed to achieve the goal, then it will work out for another.
It is important to learn not to compare yourself with others in the future. The only person you need to compare yourself with is you in the past. There will always be people who are more successful than us, more beautiful than us, richer than us and more famous than us. But this does not mean that we are bad. This means that our positive qualities and features are slightly different. And if you have fulfilled some point of your personal plan, put in your mind the tick that you did, feel proud of yourself, and get down to business for the next tick!
If jealous of you.
When you find yourself envying you, which is quite difficult to hide, you can consider two tactics of behavior:
- From a person who is jealous, you can distance yourself a little. This does not mean that you need to stop communicating with him, you just need to share with him less facts from your life, especially positive ones. You can even cause his sympathy, because a person who is a pity is unlikely to be jealous.
- Another case provides a smaller demonstration of what causes envy. As people from the inner circle usually envy, it is possible not to show them their achievements in other areas. If your friends are jealous, you shouldn’t shout about success at work. If colleagues are jealous, you need to talk less about a good wife, a handsome husband and excellent children.
In general, if you do not show disrespect or condescension towards others, do not be proud beyond measure of your success, people will treat you without negative emotions.
