Love is unrequited. And sometimes we are forced to part with a loved one for good or for a while.
This leads to difficult experiences. How to escape from thoughts of a loved one, continue to live on.
Psychology and causes
Where do thoughts of a loved one come from and why constantly persecuted?
Most people need close people, those who will be close, will take care of them.
Love it natural human need. When we have this feeling, the focus is on the object of adoration. Formed so-called dominant - a person is able to think only about one thing, to act in accordance with his idea.
The need to be loved is particularly evident in those individuals who have not received warmth and tenderness in childhood. As a result, in adulthood, they seek attention from other people, strongly becoming attached and unable to control your emotions.
It turns out the constant presence of obsessive thoughts - where he or she, with whom he spends time, why he does not call, does not come, and suddenly he is with another. Such conditions exhaust, provoke depression, reduce self-esteem.
As a result, because of their own uncertainty, thoughts about the object of love arise again, and a vicious circle is obtained - experiences, depression, thoughts, again experiences.
You lose control of your own nervous system, think about only one person, making it difficult for you to look at the world more broadly and see prospects, forbidding you to communicate with other people and have feelings for them.
Cons and consequences of unrequited love
Unrequited love is not as harmless as it seems at first glance.
It causes many negative experiences, sometimes provokes to commit dangerous and illegal actions.
Due to unrequited love, suicides and acts of physical violence are committed. This feeling is especially dangerous for a weak teenage psyche and for people with an unstable nervous system who have character accentuation.
Negative manifestations of unrequited love:
- you get no attention from the object of adoration;
- you are constantly harassed by obsessive thoughts;
- there are problems in personal life, conflicts with relatives;
- you experience jealousy, irritation, anger, despair from the fact that there is no person around;
- depriving yourself of the opportunity to be happy with someone who loves you;
- there are problems at work.
Unrequited love brings nothing but negative experiences and the inability to lead a full life, building your happiness.
What to do?
How not to think about the person you love? Psychologists have studied the phenomenon of unrequited love well enough.
How not to think about the guy you love?
Unrequited love is most common at a young age. when the psyche is not yet fully formed.
What if you have a feeling, but he does not have:
- Understand that you cannot make love to another person.. Feelings can arise, weaken, disappear. You are practically unable to influence whether a person loves you.
- Look for an occupation. Intellectual activity is the best way to get distracted. It can be a difficult reading for a book, a new hobby, an interesting job.
- Evolve. You can not devote your life only to a man, he will not appreciate such a sacrifice.
- Repeat affirmations. These are positive phrases that set you up for good luck, actions that help change perceptions.
- Determine your life priorities. Love is good, but it should not be an end in itself.
- Be self-sufficient. If a woman has other interests besides a man, she becomes more interesting, promising for creating serious relationships.
- Expand your social circle. Often a woman directs her attention only to a man, no longer meeting friends, meeting new people.
This greatly limits the loss of useful links. In addition, the society helps to cope with depression.
- Make presents - go shopping, to the hairdresser, visit the massage parlor - pay maximum attention to yourself.
Sometimes they give such advice - "knock them out with a wedge," in fact, this option does not always work for unrequited love.
If you do not get rid of the feeling of dependence on another person, it will be difficult to build a harmonious relationship with a new partner.
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How to get out of my head girl?
How to get out of my head favorite? First you need to understand that love is not eternal. If you love a girl, it does not mean that she is obliged to do the same.
Attempts to return, to conquer can lead to the opposite result. This will have to accept.
If you close yourself alone and worry about the problem, thinking about your unhappy love, then in the end depression can only get worse. There is no substitute for feeling, but there is an idea-fix to which life and thoughts are subject.
Have a job. Make it so that in the evening you are so tired that there is no strength left for extraneous thoughts.
Allow yourself meet other girls. It is not necessary to have an intimate relationship with them, but innocuous flirting will improve your mood. You will recognize new people, and it is quite possible that among them you will find a person who will love you.
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How to escape from thoughts?
Thinking about love is a kind of habit.
When you wake up in the morning, you remember the object of adoration, you fall asleep with thoughts about it.
This idea owns your whole lifeand there is no escape from it.
You understand that constant memories of a person affect your life, inhibit the development, the emergence of new relationships. How to forget about a man?
- Pay attention not only to the positive qualities of a person, but also his faults. What you did not see, did not notice before.
- Take a career. This will switch the focus of attention, priorities. The work has saved many from love experiences.
Become a careerist for a while, set a goal to earn more, take a higher position, learn another profession.
- Relax in a fun company. Call friends and take a trip to nature. Go on a trip with a friend, boyfriend or alone.
- Radically change your life - work, acquaintances, appearance, hobbies.
- Engage in the development of intelligence - reading, training, learning, complex tasks.
- Make the love object I did not catch your eye. Stop watching his page in social networks, go the other way, change jobs, if it is a colleague.
- Force yourself, just make change your mindset. Learn to control emotions. For this, it is useful to learn methods of awareness.
In some cases switch, sublimate feelings art will help.
Draw pictures, no matter how it turns out, engage in modeling, construction, music.
To maintain physical fitness and bring the nervous system in order is easy exercise stress.
What books will help cope?
Books - one of the ways to better understand yourself and escape from unnecessary emotions. Will help special literature written by psychologists:
- Robin Norwood "Women Who Love Too Much"
- Gennady Starshenbaum “Addictology: Psychology and Psychotherapy of Addictions”
- Dmitry Semennik "How to survive parting with a loved one"
- Irvin Yalom "Treatment of love and other psychotherapeutic novels & raquo.
Someone will be helped by books related to spiritual practices, the search for oneself, the awareness of one’s inner world. Of the authors are interesting Alexander Sviyash, Konstantin Dovlatov.
Besides the literature reading artworksthat take to the world of fantasy, but at the same time soothe the nervous system, smooth out the experience.
Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice- Leo Tolstoy "War and Peace"
- Mikhail Bulgakov "Master and Margarita"
- Helen Fielding's The Bridget Jones Diary.
Jane Austen's Pride and PrejudiceHow to learn to live with an unrequited feeling?
One of the difficult tasks of the psyche is to learn how to deal with unrequited love. Passion can be so strong that wear down a person, interfere with his life.
The first thing that is needed is to come to a state of awareness. Feel yourself here and now, at that point in time where you are.
We must fully realize how much the feeling that owns you, prevents you and other people from living.
Understanding that we have no power over other people- one more step towards humility and the ghost of the soul in harmony. You are not obliged to reciprocate, each person is free and free to dispose of his life.
If your attempts to achieve the object of love did not bring any results, then it is time to calm down, accept and direct your attention to something else.
Remember about dominant principle. If you, in addition to thinking about your loved one, find yourself another activity, it will become easier. Switch, stop limiting your world only thoughts about one person.
To do this, you have to overcome yourself, turn on willpower. It seems scary to you to lose the object of love, but understand that you don’t have it if does not wish to reciprocate.
Humility with the situation - Another condition that will help to experience an unrequited feeling. But humility should be followed by other actions aimed at improving their own lives.
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