How can you raise independence in your child?

because of social pressure and sustainable trends in the field of parenting, modern parents strive to devote as much time to their child’s development.

In the course are courses and educational literature for moms and dads, clubs and sections for the baby, as well as prestigious schools and preschool institutions.

Aware increased load the child, members of the household try to protect him from all worries and troubles, stopping the young member of the family for independence and responsibility in the bud.

What does it mean: independent and responsible?

Independence and responsibility are not innate, but acquired character traits.

In adulthood, they will help the child achieve your goalsmake decisions consciously and prudently, not afraid of difficult decisions.

But how do these qualities manifest in the little man?

Independence

In the classic version, autonomy is the skill to make decisions and manage your life at your own discretion.

But since children are totally dependent on their parents, it’s fair to apply another to them. definition of autonomy: the ability to carry out actions without any assistance, simple and accessible for his age, and also to engage himself without assistance for a long period of time.

Signs of independence:

the ability to act on personal initiative and to recognize the moments when it is necessary to take part in a particular situation;
the ability to perform simple (already familiar to the baby) things without supervision and assistance from adults;
the ability to perform actions consciously, based on the prevailing conditions and situation;

the ability to set goals and objectives, as well as consciously perform them in new / unusual conditions;
the ability to evaluate your own activities and control them in the process;
the ability to transfer learned behavior patterns to new situations and conditions.

A responsibility

Responsibility is the ability to make decisions, to realize the need for action and be responsible for the consequences of decisions made.

The responsible child is aware of itself as reason for doing things.

TO responsibility components relate:

understanding of the task;
agreement with this task (without trying to escape from reality or disguise it as desired);
ability to independently motivate their actions.

How to find out about readiness?

How to determine whether a child can be independent and responsible?

Responsibility and independence not laid down at the genetic level.

A basic temperament of the child affects the manifestation of these qualities only to a small extent.

The main factor playing a role in the question of the presence or absence of responsibility and independence is education. Therefore, potentially every child can become a responsible and independent person.

But we must bear in mind that children of younger preschool age do not have a developed self-awareness and can not predict the consequences of their actions.

You should not torment the baby, trying to turn it into a "little adult."

there is four types of responsibilitywhich are subject to baby:

caring attitude to your body and health (do not burn yourself, do not hurt yourself, etc.);
respect for members of society (do not scream when others are asleep, etc.);
careful attitude to their own and other people's things (do not tear books, do not draw on the wallpaper, do not break toys, etc.);
responsibility for these promises.

Self-reliance appears every second. These are attempts of the child to get dressed on his own, to color the drawing at his discretion, to choose dishes for meals and so on.

At what age can these qualities be developed?

Independence is important encourage from birth baby

Here is a crumb trying to stand up and take the first step, leaning on a chair.

But caring mommy immediately runs to the rescue to hold your child by the handles. The next time the child will consciously wait for help and give up trying to stand up on their own.

To focus on a specific age is impossible, because all children grow and develop at different speeds. But you can rely on the step by step scheme:

First stage

Baby becomes an assistant. He has not fulfilled the task you set yourself. But with the help of the parents, the young assistant takes the initiative and does some of the work.

Together with the older members of the family, the child can wash the floors, feed the pets, make sandwiches and so on. Explain the task and step back.

It is very important to encourage the kid for the work done and not to intervene, even if something goes wrong.

After all, if a parent seizes the initiative, the fear of independent actions will arise in a child’s soul: “What if next time something goes wrong again? It is easier to pass the reins to experienced "players."

Second

Child already has certain skills and, if necessary, can reproduce the “material covered”.

Now the parent simply reminds and controls. This should be done gently and without pressure.

As an option, you can tell the child about the upset and dirty spoons that are waiting for them to be washed. Or remind him of a lonely coat, which is forgotten in the corridor and wants to meet with his friends, jackets in the closet.

And after the child performs the action himself, he reward is given.

Third

At this stage, the child has already adopted a model of responsible behavior and performs everything without reminders and control.

Parents should serve as an example of responsible behavior. Otherwise, in the third stage, children will begin to pretend to be older and shy away from their duties.

How does this help a child in life?

Independence is foundation of successful life.

If the parents did not contribute to the development of independence and responsibility by entering adulthood, the child will go with the flow or “cling” to strong people in search of support and support.

The advantages of independent decision making:

feelings of control over what is happening (the person himself models his reality through actions, and does not fall into the reality created by others);
a high level of self-esteem (a person is not a passive victim, but a creator);
motivation (a person performs the actions that he chose independently, which means that he believes in their rationality and wants to achieve a positive result);
development of thinking (the need to make your own decision makes you analyze the situation, calculate the results and find the best options for action);
healthy relationships with others (people appreciate their choice and the choice of others).

A child who does not develop decision-making skills needs someone else’s approval and is easily influenced by outside influence.

is he doubts own abilities and skills, tries to keep within the limits of habitual and is afraid to try something new.

Psychological advice and practical recommendations

How to raise independence in a child:

Do not interfereif the child does not ask for it. However, always respond to requests for help.
Do not criticize child's choice and do not obstruct if this choice carries no potential hazard. Does the kid want to wear blue socks instead of mom's green socks? Let him show independence in making decisions. Does the child want to cross the road in the wrong place? Here you can interfere. At the same time, it is impossible to be a strict warden who sets bans without giving reasons. Tell your baby what the consequences of a traffic violation may be.
Gradually take off your dutiesthat the child can perform on their own. Do not do this even if it is more comfortable for you to do any actions yourself (put a baby on when he fumbled, remove toys when he is lazy or feed from a spoon if time is tight).
Offer your child several choices., with increasing age the number of "moves".
So the growing up little man will learn not only blindly to carry out the orders of the mother, but to independently analyze and choose.

How to raise the responsibility of a child:

Determine Areas of responsibility child (cleaning the room, taking care of home plants or pets, etc.).
Allow your baby to date negative consequences of their actions (or lack thereof). So the child will learn to understand and accept the fact that there are no outside forces that will avoid responsibility. Reproaches and the notorious "verbal kicks" will only annoy the child. But when he misses a mistake through himself, this lesson will be learned (for example: I did not dry my coat - I could not go for a walk).
Do not be afraid to impose restrictions, which will secure, ensure the safety of life and health.
Do not redo the child's work in front of his eyes. Such actions on the part of an adult serve as confirmation of the erroneous attitude that one can always shift responsibility onto someone.

Parental mistakes

Trying to accustom children to independence and responsibility, parents often make common mistakes:

Imperative tone

The child monitors the cleanliness of the room, feeds the cat and collects the briefcase to school.

But he does this not because he feels responsible.

The reason lies in the power parentswho constantly order the baby and do not leave the right to choose (do not offer alternative options).

Substitution of concepts

Child behavior deny and trying to shield the baby in front of himself :

"Are you so bad?" No, it is you who have become a brownie. ”
“Don't you want to do the cleaning? You're just tired! ”

Such a substitution of concepts prevents the formation of awareness. And without awareness there can be no responsibility and independence.

Help out of compassion

Is the child pulling homework? Some parents will hurry help and ease the “burden” of the child. After all, he is so small, he wants to play and run.

The schoolboy does not want to get up after the alarm? Well, how not to push him! After all, there will be trouble at school. This approach will make the child comfortable do not take responsibility.