Parting always leave a mark on the soul. Stop missing a person is not so simple.
Psychological advice will help overcome a sense of longing and begin to enjoy life.
Causes of Anguish
Why do we miss a person? You can be bored for various reasons.:
- It's hard to live without him. This is a true longing for a particular individual, and not for the feelings, circumstances, events associated with it. Tosca arises due to the lack of a number of those who occupied an important place in the soul. Every day there is a need to share with a person your experiences, plans, thoughts. The inability to meet this need causes a feeling of loneliness. In severe cases, parting can cause serious depression.
- Loss of support. In difficult periods of life, the presence of a nearby reliable shoulder plays a big role. Partner gives a sense of security. If during the difficult life period the connection with the person important for us is lost, anxiety and apathy appear.
We miss not the former partner himself, but his attitude towards us.
- Depressed state. The general state of discouragement can provoke feelings about a relationship ending. For example, the separation takes place by mutual consent and both partners are aware that the right decision has been made. But the appearance of certain problems in one of them in life (illness, financial difficulties, career failures, etc.) provokes a state of despondency and the appearance of longing for lost relationships.
- Nostalgia is still a way of life. Partners introduce each other to their companies, get acquainted with relatives, engage in hobbies, etc. Gradually, the range of common interests is expanding. People travel, relax, solve domestic issues, etc. Parting means abruptly ending the habitual way of life. There is nostalgia for the times that are in the past.
The collapse of the union is particularly acute for a person whose life has changed for the better due to the emergence of a more active, sociable, successful partner.
What if you really miss?
There are the following ways to get rid of a strong longing for a person:
- Find him a replacement. This is the most effective and fastest way to overcome experiences. Often, a new partner is even better than the previous one, and taking into account the mistakes of past relationships helps to build a truly harmonious union with the new elect. It should be noted that the mood will begin to improve already during the search for "replacement". Dating, walking, courting, new experience - all this improves mood, increases self-confidence.
- Go on a trip. Changing the environment is always beneficial in difficult life situations. New impressions and acquaintances, beautiful landscapes, romance of the road - all this helps to distract from sad thoughts and switch attention to the surrounding environment.
- Rotate in society. Alone, there is an opportunity to indulge in memories, to view joint photos, to yearn while waiting for a call or message. For this reason, it is so important to minimize the time spent alone with yourself.
It is advisable to meet with friends, make new acquaintances, attend various events, spend leisure time in places of entertainment, parks, squares, etc.
- Find a new hobby. A new hobby can be so carried away that all problems will recede into the background. It can be anything - sports, writing music, drawing, psychology, and more. Hobbies will not only give space for activities, but also take the free time that has formed after parting with a partner. Moreover, it will be possible to meet love among like-minded people.
- Take care of yourself. If we talk about girls, then parting is a great opportunity to make time for yourself. You can do sports and put a figure in order, change your hairstyle, completely renew your wardrobe, etc. Athletic achievements, financial success help the guys to believe in themselves. The pumped-up figure and stable financial situation has not prevented anyone in life.
How to write about your feelings?
If you can't fight yourself, you can try to resume communication. It is important not to be intrusive, to avoid manipulation and pressure. In such a situation, it is better to write messages, and not to call or make an appointment.
It is advisable to avoid the very word "miss". It is too trite. It is better to specifically describe your thoughts and desires.
for example: “Today I walked in the park and remembered how we had a good time here last summer. I lack the emotions that I experienced then. And you?"
The message should be perceived by the opponent as an unobtrusive attempt to resume communication.
It is advisable to use neutral tone, if possible, make a touch of humor.
Since the message does not have to be answered instantly, the person has time to think about his answer and make an informed decision.
Unfortunately, the message can be ignored. Also, the answer to it may not be at all what its creator expected.
How to stop pining?
You can stop bored with other proven methods:
- Occupy yourself. The more things a person has, the less time he has for sad memories. It is recommended to start repairs, do charity work, pay attention to elderly relatives, etc.
You can always find many options to use your free time wisely.
As a result, the separation will be the impetus for new achievements, to which previously simply did not reach out.
- Put yourself in the partner's place. This will help take a sober look at the situation and rid yourself of empty illusions. You should ask yourself the question: “What is he (she) doing at the moment?”. Next, you need to imagine what a useful person can do while longing for him. Most likely, the imagination will draw vivid pictures of his fun in the company of friends or a romantic date with a new partner. Such fantasies will cause quite a natural sense of protest. A thought will appear: "Why suffer about someone who does not even remember me."
- Maintain communication with the object. You can continue to see a person in the general company, at work, in a circle of friends. It should remain calm, radiate goodwill and openness.
Constant contact will help get rid of the feeling of longing, because the person will always be in sight.
The only minus of such a decision is that not all people are able to cope with their emotions, do not stoop to clarify the relationship. Also, do not avoid unpleasant sensations, if a new partner of a loved one appears on the horizon.
- Do self-development. Usually, a strong dependence on another individual develops among individuals who do not possess the necessary degree of self-sufficiency and self-confidence. The inability to fully take responsibility for their lives in their own hands leads to the fact that people unnecessarily become attached to their partners largely because of the fear of being alone with the outside world. Parting is a great opportunity to start working on yourself. It should develop self-reliance and purposefulness, develop as a person. Then the other person will be perceived only as a pleasant addition, and not an immediate need.
How to be if you miss?
The recommendations of psychologists will help to overcome the difficult life period and find peace of mind.
By ex-girlfriend or wife
Society imposes on us stereotypes, according to which a man should always be confident and restrained.
For this reason, representatives of the stronger sex rarely allow themselves to speak openly about their suffering, so that those around them do not consider them weak.
Nevertheless, they can really yearn for the former girlfriend or wife. The desire to keep emotions inside only leads to aggravation of experiences, the development of depression.
First of all, you need to remind yourself of all the problems that were present in the relationship.
You can even make a list in which All cons of the past union are listed.
The list should be re-read every time there is a feeling of longing for the former partner. The realization that she was far from ideal and that there are many more worthy candidates around will help to recover a little.
Also recommended find lessons for yourself: sports, hobbies, careers, repairs, etc. When a man is constantly busy with something, he has no time to think.
Will help and change the situation. You can not only go on a trip, but also completely change the place of residence, if there is such a desire. Also, do not delay the search for a new partner, which can be much better than the last chosen one.
By ex-boyfriend or husband
For women, parting is usually more painful because of their increased emotionality. The situation is often exacerbated by the presence of children who need to be cared for despite their own condition.
First of all, women, like men, should look for flaws with your ex boyfriend or husband. A constant reminder to yourself that the partner was far from ideal would have a positive effect on mood.
Often after a break, women lose confidence in themselves.
You can restore it, taking care of your own appearance: make a fashionable haircut, buy a beautiful dress, get involved in sports, go on a diet, etc.
Do not become self-contained. It is necessary to get out into society as often as possible: to go with friends to cafes and cinemas, to attend exhibitions, to participate in various events. Communication with interesting people, new meetings and acquaintances - all this will help to return the taste for life.
If the former partner was the main source of finance, you should deal with monetary issues. Material independence allows a woman to feel confident and not to consider men as potential sponsors.
And most importantly - the maximum communication with the opposite sex. Nothing affects a woman more positively than compliments, flirting, dating.
The search for a new partner can inspire so much that the memories of past relationships will evaporate completely.
So, following the advice of psychologists, you can stop missing a person. The main thing - not to be despondent and learn to think positively.
A psychologist will tell you how to stop missing a former man:
