The feeling of loneliness is a state familiar to almost every person. Everyone in life has periods of temporary voluntary or forced refusal to communicate, and if for some such “retreats into oneself” are associated with the need to “rest” from social activity, for others, loneliness becomes a constant and oppressive companion of life. How does it happen that, first of all, outgoing and open to others, a person suddenly closes himself in four walls, losing the joy of communicating with people close to him and refusing the usual pleasures of life?
Causes of loneliness: external and internal factors.
Strangely enough, many people not only do not suffer from loneliness, but also consider it a natural and comfortable way of life. As a rule, these are representatives of creative professions, whose work requires maximum concentration and at the same time gives a person pleasure. They say about such people: “He completely devoted himself to his beloved work”. Creative personalities fully realize themselves in their hobby, without feeling deprived of their feelings in communication, therefore such a nature of being can be rather called a conscious solitude.
Genuine loneliness means a complete restriction of human contact with the outside world due to the presence of a deep internal conflict or traumatic experience of human communication. Here are the most common reasons for encouraging a person to shut off from the world and others.
- Self-doubt, their physical and social viability. Modesty, shyness, the presence of physical disabilities or low, in the opinion of a loner, social status, contribute to the emergence of deep internal complexes, forcing a person to consciously refuse to communicate in society. At the same time, left alone with his experiences, he is more and more immersed in a sense of inferiority, which can lead to depression and, moreover, often serves as a motive for suicidal acts.
- Experience unrequited love or failed close relationships. If the first case that affects the activity of a person’s social behavior is most common among adolescents and young people and is motivated by attachment to an object of love, then the second is most often related to people of more mature age and is associated with a reluctance to re-experience pain and frustration from unfulfilled relationships. .
- Death of a loved one. Severe loss entails a deep psychological trauma, and the reluctance of those who have lost a loved one, to contact with others, is quite natural and necessary for the restoration of mental and physical strength.
- Divorce. This change in the relationship with an ulterior motive is called the “little death”, because by its strength of influence on the mental and psychological state it is second only to the physical loss of loved ones. Remaining one on one with a difficult situation and uncertainty of the future, a person will have to comprehend and accept what happened, and not everyone is able at this moment to let in the world of other people's own experiences.
- Teen loneliness. Lack of attention from parents and mutual understanding with them, conflicts with peers and teachers - all this leads to the fact that the child feels unnecessary and uninteresting. Exactly loneliness and lack of support during this period can lead a teenager to an addiction to alcohol or drugs, and often to suicide.
How to get rid of loneliness?
First of all, you should stop feeling sorry for yourself. Constantly exaggerated thoughts of self-deprivation only aggravate the already depressed state of a person who feels lonely. You should try to take for granted the fact that there is currently no loving person around and the feeling of love does not visit you or just a reliable friend you can trust, and try to change the course of your life so that the feeling of loneliness is forever in the past. And to achieve such changes will help simple efforts on themselves and the desire to get rid of their own fears and uncertainties.
- First you need to figure out what exactly became the starting point on the path to loneliness. You can take a blank sheet of paper and list all the reasons. Then it is necessary to single out those factors that depend on the person himself and which he is able to change (for example, shyness, excessive fullness, inability to dress nicely and in a modern fashion, etc.)
- As soon as the personal motives of the forced solitary lifestyle became clearly marked, the person has a goal - to get rid of these obstacles through his own efforts. And the most difficult is the moment of the first effort on himself and his passive life position. As soon as a person enters into struggle with hateful loneliness, he suddenly begins to feel a kind of discomfort, called the “effect of getting rid of old skin”, when instead of continuing to feel sorry for himself and revel in his own loneliness, you must finally try to break this vicious circle and break free from voluntary imprisonment.
- During the period of getting rid of internal clips and complexes, the presence and support of a person who has faced a similar problem and successfully coped with it may be required. Now there are clubs and social networks where you can always meet like-minded people, ask for help and advice.
- As changes occur within a person, self-esteem appears, self-esteem increases, and striving for a goal increases. And, as a rule, already after a short time, he begins to notice that with the disappearance of internal problems in the list, external sources of loneliness gradually disappear, new acquaintances are established, and social communication is improved.
How to beat the fear of loneliness?
Trite, but the roots of the fear of loneliness usually lie in the stereotypes that prevail in society. It is believed that being alone is not taking place in life as a person or a person. This stereotype is further strengthened by those around them when, with a surprised or sympathetic look, they are interested in a single person about the causes of a “so strange” way of being. It is public opinion that often causes many people to surround themselves with pseudo-friends and pseudo-lovers, enter into marriages that are not based on feelings, and have children in these marriages for the sake of "brought in a glass of old age water." And, paradoxically, later feel even more lonely than before.
In order to expect from the future only joyful and happy moments, first of all you should learn to love yourself, with all its flaws and virtues. And, of course, to work on transforming the first of these qualities into the second. Simulators, gym, beauty salons and the purchase of stylish clothes - and admiring glances of passers-by will instill in you confidence in your own irresistible. An original hobby associated with creative self-realization - and you will certainly have like-minded people. Actor's and oratorical courses, reading classics and visiting interesting events - and you will forget about the former shyness and indecision. Life loves optimists: as you can see, even in this love requires sincere and constant reciprocity!
Test the level of loneliness. Find out if you are alone.
