Vulnerability is considered to be synonymous with weakness. So think those who cry for resentment, but do not speak about it directly. Who does not appoint a visit to the psychotherapist, because psychologists are for psychos. He understands that he will fill up the project, but he does not dare to ask his colleagues for help. Or those who do not know how to relate to the imperfect self and to people who have noticed it. Recognizing your vulnerable points is a bold move. So it will be about courage. About courage to recognize their vulnerability.
Vulnerability is a measure of courage.
We are used to hiding our "pain points" so much that we do not allow even the closest to them. We are ashamed of our weaknesses. We think: "if people find out about my shortcomings, they will stop loving me." It doesn’t matter if it’s about cellulite or not being able to create your own company.
"I'm not good enough"- we often say this phrase to ourselves. Not beautiful enough, not sure enough, not rich enough. We are afraid to seem ridiculous, ridiculous, incompetent, insecure. Therefore, we compensate our weaknesses with aggression. We suffer from this and hurt our loved ones.
Psychologists today talk about emotional openness. The ability to be open and not be ashamed of it is a good quality. Here are a few features of people who are not afraid to show their weakness.
They are not afraid to try something new.
We find thousands of excuses not to start something new. We cite the lack of experience, skills, time, circumstances and difficulties. Chances of success are hidden behind closed doors. Many prefer not to risk it, so they leave all the doors closed.
Psychologists advise "be brave, act." Coaches offer an effective way called the "acorn method". The principle is this: under whatever conditions an acorn does not grow, an oak will grow from it anyway. In whatever conditions you would not be, you remain yourself. Can not get rid of doubt? There is another secret: it is not forever. From the implementation of the wrong decision can be waived. But even if you make a mistake, do not turn into a perpetual loser. You will still be yourself, come up in the right direction.
And yet: not everything needs to be brought to an end. Sometimes you need to find the courage and abandon the plan.
They are kind to themselves
Kindness, compassion, humanity - all these qualities were given to us initially as representatives of the human race. The church teaches the same virtues. The trap lies in the fact that without a good attitude towards yourself, it is impossible to feel compassion for others.
Psychologists use the term "paradox of kindness": many confuse kindness with weakness. But part of our “I” (or soul) suffers from a lack of good deeds. We feel a lack of kindness, but we are afraid to let it in our lives. Managers fear that subordinates will “sit on their heads” if they are treated kindly. Parents hold their children in excessive severity, and spouses are simply afraid to show warm feelings for each other. But even worse when we endlessly scold ourselves for the slightest sin.
And yet: there is no point in talking about kindness in general, if we do not show kindness towards ourselves.
They speak openly about their vulnerability.
Speeches on the TED channel are so popular because speakers often confess their own imperfection. But such details often remain behind the scenes of "beautiful success stories." Although the story of failure is the glue that allows you to see the full picture.
Psychologist Brene Brown devoted more than 5 years to the study of questions of shame and fear of their own imperfection. She concluded that vulnerability is the most accurate measure of courage. To be honest with yourself and with others, to allow us to be seen - these are real manifestations of courage. The second insight concerned shame. Psychologists consider shame to be the "swamp of the soul." Our goal is not to settle in this swamp forever, but to put on high rubber boots and go to dig debris.
And also: in order to fight with your fears, it is not necessary to talk about them from the stage. Sometimes it is necessary to show courage to go to a psychologist and already there to deal with everything else.
The right to make a mistake is the path from a perfectionist to an optimist.
Perfectionists are afraid to make mistakes. For them there are no shades, they live on the principle of "all or nothing." The thought of "what people think" overshadows the desire to create. They use their perfection as a shield, because they think: "if I look and act perfectly, I will get rid of criticism and censure." In fact, no one is insured against criticism.
The motto "I-perfectionist" for many - a source of pride. Psychologists associate this condition with an increased level of anxiety. To put it in simple terms: these people, above all, are afraid of being imperfect in the eyes of others.
They think they will not endure criticism or ridicule. Therefore, for years they have been carrying out ideas of a startup and are not daring to start it. They are afraid to change a prestigious job to a non-prestigious one. The logic is simple: "if I do not do anything, I will not be mistaken."
Psychologists have proven that defeat, oddly enough, raises self-esteem. It turns out that failure is not as terrible as we imagine it beforehand. You can be free and confident only when the “worst thing” has already happened. Mark Zuckerberg, JK Rowling, Nick Vujcic - these people are known and successful today, but they learn how to overcome despair and their experiences of failure.
Optimalist - the opposite of perfectionist. The optimalist is able to focus on the path, while the perfectionist spends his strength on the inner struggle. How to deal with the desire to be perfect?
- Assign your perfectionism. He is not your friend or assistant. But this is part of your "I" and this will have to be considered. A personal research on the topic will help him to recognize it: where did I get that I have to be perfect? Answers to the question can conceal a lot of new.
- Recognize that the path to success is not a straight line, but a spiral. Victory seems to us in the form of a rocket launching into the sky. In fact, success is a labyrinth with long passages and dead ends. Sometimes, to correct the error you need to return to the starting point.
- Regard failure as feedback. Experience is an important part of success. Each failure gives additional information, as if opening new sectors.
- Get rid of the "impostor syndrome". Imagine if Lermontov had said to himself: "who am I, if there is Pushkin," and Salvador Dali did not dare to create, because there are works by Leonardo da Vinci. Fear of being mediocre, prevents create, expand business and find new customers. But forewarned is forearmed. Psychotherapists also help with this.
Vulnerability is the readiness to be seen without any guarantees. In life there are no guarantees at all and in this unanimous businessmen and psychologists. As there is no one universal tool that is guaranteed to help achieve success. Therefore, many are fighting with their own perfectionism and help others to overcome it. As the speaker and business strategist Dan Waldschmidt said: "Success is what you are."
If you do not know how to treat yourself and others, start practicing one action: openness. In relation to new ideas, habits, strangers, books, emotions. There are no perfect solutions. Do not forget about it and do not be afraid to move forward.
