In any family quarrels arise periodically.
This is a normal process of relationships between people, but small conflicts can grow into largedestroying the union.
Relationship Problems - Psychology
Family is small social group, in it there are interests of different people.
As in any community, a certain hierarchy is built in it.
If the authorities are trying to capture two or more people, then conflicts will certainly arise. Attempts by women to dominate also sooner or later become the cause of quarrels.
Family development goes through stages and crises, as in any social group. Conflicts are particularly acute. manifest during crisis periodsand how well and harmoniously they are overcome depends on whether the family remains whole.
Divorces most often occur precisely during periods of crisis, because at this time emotions are most intensely heated, and attachment weakens.
Young people who marry are still at the stage of enthusiasm, passion, it seems to them that feelings will last forever. But romantic period passes, life begins, financial problems, and harmony is destroyed.
The family teaches patience, mutual assistance, but if it is not, its members will feel unhappy, lonely and dissatisfied with life.
Many families forced to live by several generations under the same roofThis creates certain problems and inconveniences.
Younger lead an active lifestyle, elders need peace.
When there is not enough living space, the likelihood of conflicts is much higher.
Causes of misunderstanding
The reasons why quarrels arise can be many. People do not want to listen, take into account the opinion of loved ones, learn patience and understanding, seek to satisfy only their own selfish needs, completely disregarding that loved ones have their own desires.
The main causes of conflicts:
- Attempts to seize power. Most families are built on the patriarchal principle, that is, the main man. But it also happens that a spouse or grandmother wants to dominate and lead all family processes and decisions.
If other family members agree, this does not cause sharp conflicts, but as a rule, such a position is unacceptable for man's vanity, therefore quarrels are inevitable.
Power can be divided between the wife and mother-in-law, husband and father-in-law.
- Financial difficulties. Difficulties with money destroyed a single family. Failure to plan expenses becomes a cause of constant disagreement. Poverty causes a state of constant tension, lowers self-esteem, leads to depressive moods.
- Housing problem - a small area, the need to live with parents, mortgage payment. The more people live in the same apartment, the stronger the tension. Any person needs his own personal space, if it is not there, nervousness appears, the desire to spend time at home as little as possible, constant quarrels.
- Lifewhich makes life dull, annoying. The romantic period is over, and there comes a need to conduct a joint household. Days become monotonous, all the time there is a need to solve the same issues, as a result, there is irritability, a feeling of insecurity.
If only one of the spouses is in charge of the house, and the second does not seek to help, this eventually leads to an increasing conflict, discontent.
- Sexually incompatible. Intimate relationships - one of the most important in family life, because of them people, mostly, and get married. Sexual incompatibility, different needs for intimacy are the cause of constant tension. After some time, intimate life becomes familiar, one of the partners may want more variety, while the other is satisfied with everything. It is better not to hush up the problem, but to discuss it with a partner.
- Social differences spouses. If one of the partners is higher in status, this may cause a certain psychological discomfort for the other, especially if the husband or wife openly demonstrates his high position.
- One partner earns much more - This problem is especially pronounced if the high salary of the wife, and the husband at the same time feels infringed upon his vanity.
- No common goal. The family must move in a certain direction. If a husband wants one, the wife of another, then disagreements are inevitable.
- There is no understanding in which direction to develop a family - people just live side by side, without purpose, motivation.
- Lack of consensus in parenting methods.
- Misunderstanding of desires, motives each other.
- The intervention of parents in the relationship of spouses. The older generation can think that it knows better how to equip the family life, when to have children, how to develop relationships. But young people can strongly disagree with the intervention of parents and grandmothers in their lives.
Unfortunately, many families have collapsed due to the fact that the mother considered it her duty to control the family of her son and interfere in the relationship.
- No desire to compromise, seek solutions acceptable to both spouses. Everyone has his own point of view; the husband’s or wife’s point of view doesn’t matter, people are not able to agree on even the simplest things - where to go to rest, what refrigerator to buy, there may be more global problems - moving where the child will learn, whether they will be allowed to work and build a career.
Family Counseling Psychologist Tips
Marrying partners must understand responsibility in front of the newly created family.
The union must be chosen consciously and thoughtfully to choose a partner, guided not only by the emotion of passion, but also by reason.
The first difficulties appear already at the beginning of life together, they should not be ignored, but must be solved.
Important in managing family issues - ability to carry on dialogue. If you do not know how to talk with a partner, this will cause distancing, misunderstanding, discontent. How does he know what you want?
Or do you realize that you need a spouse, if you do not talk to him? Not everyone is able to guess the thoughts of another person correctly, therefore it is best to learn how to conduct a dialogue.
The conversation assumes that you express your point of view and listen to the opinion of your partner.
Try to understand his motives, why he thinks in a certain way. During the conversation listen first, and only then prepare the answer, otherwise, lost in your thoughts, you can skip the most important thing.
Disorder after giving birth: what to do?
The birth of a baby - first crisis period in family life.
At this stage, everything changes - the usual rhythm of life, it becomes more difficult financially, intimate relationships cease or become less common.
The child takes all the time of the woman, she gets tired, there is a risk of postpartum depression. Some husbands are offendedthat now they get less attention, often at this time they decide to betray.
So that there are no conflicts in the family during this difficult period, it is important to combine efforts to care for the child.
The husband can perform the first time. simple housework, giving the chance to the spouse to be engaged in the kid or to have a rest.
Helpful joint walksplaying with a baby. Some men are afraid of babies, sometimes mothers themselves are afraid to allow the husband to the baby. This is the wrong strategy.
A man can also establish contact with a child. At first, it is enough sometimes to hold it in your arms, walk with a stroller, swing, watch while mother is resting.
What to do after giving birth:
- support the spouse;
- help a woman care for a baby;
- find an opportunity to spend time together;
- understand that this is a difficult period that must be experienced;
- learn not to be offended if the spouse devotes little time to her husband - now the main task for her is the comfort and safety of the baby;
- the wife must find time for her husband so that he does not feel lonely;
- If a woman has postpartum depression, this is a reason to seek help from a psychologist, since the health and mental state of the mother also affects the baby.
In a strong family, the birth of a baby unites spouses even more. If there were already problems, they can get worse, so it is important to learn how to build relationships before the appearance of the child.
How to solve problems with my husband?
A man should feel like the head of the family, in this case he feels self-sufficiency, his self-esteem rises. An intelligent woman gives guidance to her husband.
This does not mean that there should always be the way he wants, there are ways to gently lead the spouse to the right decision, but so that he does not feel that the last word rests with the woman.
A man must be praised. If he is constantly subjected to criticism, then the desire to help him disappear. It will be easier for him to sit on the couch than to hear that he is doing something wrong.
He should be thanked - for the fact that he is close, that brings a salary, worries, loves - there are always reasons for gratitude.
This is a wonderful feeling that helps to build harmonious relationships, and above all to create harmony within yourself.
How to stop the constant scandals?
In fact, they just need to stop, and one spouse is enough change attitudeas the second behind him tightened.
- Learn to calmly accept criticism.
- A woman should show more softness, pliability, wisdom.
- Stop acutely reacting to criticism, discontent, spouse's bad mood.
- Think if you are always criticized for the same reason, perhaps there is a definite reason for this, and the spouse wants to make you understand what you want to change.
- Know how to prioritize.
- To put up with the conflicting nature of the spouse and stop responding to provocations. If he is not answered, then sooner or later he will have no reason for conflicts.
- Learn patience.
If conflicts do not stop, they have a negative effect on children, this is a reason to think about whether you really need such a restless family.
How to avoid quarrels: help
Afraid that quarrels are inevitable?
It's not so scary if make an effort, they can be avoided.
- Understand that each person is a separate individual with his own habits, needs, desires.
- Respect the independence of a partner - he has the right to his own opinion.
- During a conflict situation, trying to find a solution acceptable to both or to make concessions depends on the specific situation.
- Learn to love. Many problems come from childhood, including the inability to truly love.
- Respect the identity of the child.
- Discuss with your spouse, grandparents and grandparents methods of education and exposure to children, so that there is no contradiction.
- Be able to be grateful even for minor trifles.
Families where there are no conflicts or even small disputes are practically absent.
But this is due to the fact that we are not taught rules and norms of living together. You can stop the scandals, if you sincerely want this and start working on relationships.
What if there are constant quarrels in the family? Find out from the video:
