How to save love: useful tips from psychologists

Probably everyone heard the phrase of F. Begbeder: “The mosquito has one day, the rose has three. The cat has thirteen years, the love has three years. And you can't do anything. First the year of passion, then the year of tenderness and, finally, a year of boredom "Indeed, over time, the feelings of lovers lose their old thrill, become mundane, and sometimes change to negative ones. Why is this happening and how to save love? Is it possible to do this at all? Let's see.

What is love?

Each person has their own ideas about love. Someone calls love all-consuming passion, others the inability to live without the beloved and the day, the third - the desire to care and protect their chosen one. There is love-mania, but there is a love of mother to children, love of God. A person can experience the whole range of feelings, but without the following factors, love relationships are impossible:

mutual interest, sympathy;
sexual desire, intimacy;
obligations (loyalty, care, etc.)

Of course, the characteristic of love does not end there. For most, the desired (or mandatory) attribute of a relationship is: tolerance and acceptance of each other’s shortcomings, a desire to give, respect, understanding, common interests, the ability to support in a difficult moment. Having such a close, loved one is true happiness.

What destroys feelings?

Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever, even love. About feelings, timeless and the blows of fate, can be read except in the books. Even the strongest love can destroy life, difficult financial situation, distance, partner’s disability, etc. Each has its own reason. However, psychologists identify 10 factors that can destroy love feelings very quickly:

dissatisfaction with a partner and himself, rejection, desire to re-educate;
inability to negotiate, hushing up problems and offenses;
indifference, inattention to the partner;
inability to forgive, accumulation of negative emotions;
pathological jealousy;
insincerity, lies;
mistrust;
nagging, frequent conflicts on trifles;
public showdown;
material, domestic difficulties, illnesses and other blows of fate

Serious feelings do not evaporate in one moment. Virtually any relationship difficulties can be solved if you know how to save love. The main thing - to prevent the point of no return, when the partner is completely cold and disappointed in you.

Love in relationship

The relationship between a boy and a girl, the feelings between them, differ significantly from love in marriage. Here you have your own problems and difficulties. Most often, young couples complain about unsuitable friends, the difference between aspirations and attitudes, lightheadedness, infidelity, lack of attractive external qualities. When problems arise in a relationship, young people often behave like an infantile one — they speak out sharply, manipulate and in every way display the reaction of their partner.

For some reason, it seems to many that when they marry, problems will disappear by themselves, or the beloved will not go anywhere. But the creation of a family only exacerbates the problem. From here and so sad statistics on divorces - more than 50%.

To keep love in a relationship, it is important to understand that they must develop. The meeting period is the time to find out a partner, learn to negotiate with him, accept. The logical conclusion of a relationship is marriage. In order not to destroy at this moment, but to preserve love, one should:

undertake to be faithful, honest, attentive to your partner;
Express your love not only in word but in deed;
trust the partner more than others;
spend time with interest and benefit, develop;
be discreet, resolve conflicts calmly;
criticize infrequently and constructively;
support in difficult situations;
to strive for independence, not to depend on the parental family.

It is important to understand that two should work on relationships. Save love is possible only by joint efforts.

Love married

By entering into marriage, a couple after a few years can become very cold to each other. You get used to everything good quickly. What first excited and caused admiration, to become ordinary. Often spouses turn into roommates, which binds only joint life. Some divorce the birth of a child. It would seem a happy event, but in fact it is still a test for the family. And if anyone stays out of work? In short, marriage problems are above the roof.

Is it possible to save love in marriage? Of course. Only in this case it is important to understand that the feelings will not be as hot as at first. Married love is more calm, deep. In ten years spouses become not only friends and lovers, but also relatives. To maintain good family relationships and carry your feelings through the years, you need to listen to the following tips:

Maintain passion. Of course, marriage is relaxing, but you need to do everything possible to be physically attractive to the spouse. It is also important to arrange romantic evenings, to delight, intrigue, delight each other.
Be friends. Husband and wife should be the closest friends. This is the basis of love. Feelings may temporarily cool, change, but the respect, good attitude and mutual assistance inherent in friendship will help overcome any crisis moment.
It is worth experiencing crises. External problems should bring together spouses. Together to resist the difficulties of life is an extremely important skill for the family. You can not blame or blame your partner. The husband may well wash the dishes himself if the wife is ill. A spouse at a certain point can provide a family if the spouse has lost his job. It is necessary to seek a compromise everywhere and always.
Be patient, indulgent towards each other. All of us are not perfect, everyone has a couple of flaws. To keep love in a marriage, it is important to be able to turn a blind eye to them.
Forgive, do not accumulate offenses. It is important to keep in mind only positive moments. Of course, this does not apply to serious situations where the only way out is to divorce (repeated betrayal, beatings, despotism, etc.)
Follow family traditions, create your own. For example, to go to the mountains every summer or on Sundays to cook pizza together. Family customs help spouses to unite, to feel one and the same.

Love at a distance

"Separation weakens small passions and strengthens large passions just as the wind blows out the candles and fan the flames." F. La Rochefoucoux

Relationships at a distance - this is the real flour for lovers' hearts. Intimate touches, hugs, looks, sex is very important for a couple. This will not replace any frequent phone calls or video communications. In separation, loving people often have distrust, anxiety, that the partner will want to build a new relationship with someone else, or simply break the habit and his feelings fade away.

To keep love at a distance, the couple must make the maximum effort. What do we have to do:

Make joint plans for the future. To know that separation will end is very important. Both must clearly understand that after a certain period of time they will be together and you just need to wait.
Talk about everything, consult, discuss events for the day. Lovers should be fully involved in each other's lives. This will create a sense of intimacy.
Avoid conflicts, smooth out "sharp corners." To quarrel at a distance is very easy, but not always make up. Beloved can simply turn off the phone and not get in touch. Therefore, controversial issues in separation is better not to solve.
Confess your feelings, create romance. You can send each other cards or order cute gifts delivered to your home. Arrange romantic evenings with a glass of champagne, using Skype. Write poems or prose, send photos. Show imagination and you must be able to preserve love feelings.

Love men and women

"When a man marries, he hopes that his wife will remain the same, and the woman expects her elect to be different." J. Gray

The famous American writer, psychotherapist, John Gray, who published a series of books "Venus and Mars" insists that man and woman are fundamentally different creatures. What is important for a man is secondary for a woman, and vice versa. Entering a relationship, we often judge by themselves. But is it right?

As practice shows, to save the love of men and women need differently. In order for a relationship or marriage to be happy, it is important to take into account the important differences between the sexes:

she needs care - he is in trust;
she needs an understanding — acceptance;
respect is more important to her than gratitude;
she values devotion more — he is admired;
she needs recognition - he is in approval;
she needs reinforcement of confidence — encouragement;
it is closer to her to distribute and accept — to extract and conquer;
she wants to direct his thoughts and desires — he makes decisions;
she needs actions for her - to act;
she needs to make plans, to dream - he has to bring them to life, creating his own unique world;
she wants to feel belonging to a man - he owns a woman;
it is like a vessel - it is energy, strength, information that fills it;
it gives form - it fills it;
it is more important for her to interact with the children and the house - with the outside world;
she wants to feel confident in the future - he realizes his abilities;
it is important for her to feel unique, loved, desired - he is richer, more talented, stronger than all the rest;
spiritual and personal development is closer to her - to him the generation of fantasies, games, plans.

So how to save love? Personally, my secret is simple: to be human to each other, tolerant and romantic. It is necessary to focus on the positive, less to swear, forgive. Love and be loved!