How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one
When close people betray us, pain, disappointment and emptiness settle in the soul. These feelings are so tearing the heart that sometimes a person does not see further meaning to live. But any, even the most difficult situation, requires an informed decision.
Often, betrayal destroys the idyll in a relationship forever. But more often people try to restore lost confidence, and start life from scratch. How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one, and again learn to trust him?
Is it worth it to forgive?
Often, the word "betrayal" means physical betrayal. And before making an important decision, you must decide whether a traitor is forgiveness. To do this, you must find out the reason for his action.
- If you know that your partner has been cheating on you for a long time, and he has a second family, it is unlikely that your forgiveness will be able to revive the old relationship. Such an act carries too heavy consequences for all participants in the current situation.
- If your loved one is a rare family man, and the betrayal is committed only once (perhaps drunk), then it is worth considering whether it is advisable to ruin the family because of this mistake. Consider also the degree of his repentance. If he truly regrets what happened, perhaps he is worthy of forgiveness.
- If you realize that you can not forget the betrayal, and continue to live with the person who committed it, it is better not to continue the relationship. In them you will suffer, tormenting yourself with memories and awareness of the fact that a loved one has betrayed you.
But there are other types of betrayal by loved ones:
- breach of promise;
- infringement of interests;
- disclosure of secrets, etc.
In these cases, it is also worth paying attention to how many times a loved one betrayed you, what motives he had, and whether he repents what he did. Based on your experience and analysis of the behavior of the person who betrayed you, you must draw your own conclusions and decide whether to forgive him or not.
How to cope with heartache.
In order to sincerely forgive a loved one, you will need time to restore internal balance. After all, rash words and excessive emotions can aggravate the situation even more. To take a sober look at the situation, you need to calm down and not dwell on what happened.
1. Spill out emotions.
Do not go to yourself. By itself, the pain will not disappear anywhere, but will daily leave new scratches on your heart. If you want to shout - shout, break the dishes - beat. It helps some people to throw out a negative letter to the abuser. It is necessary to describe in detail the feelings that he caused you to his act, and then burn this sheet of paper.
If you do not give pain to go outside, it will permanently settle in your body. And after a while it can turn into a dangerous disease. The main thing is not to get lost on close people. Especially it is necessary to protect children from your emotions.
2. Distance from what happened.
After the negative leaves your heart, try to distance yourself from the problem. It would be nice if you communicate with your abuser, only in cases of emergency. During this period, you can go on a trip or temporarily move to another apartment. The rarer your meetings are, the sooner you will manage to cope with your experiences.
Do everyday activities, chat with friends, pay more attention to your hobby. Just do not constantly discuss your problem with your friends. Your revelations will re-awaken unpleasant feelings in you. Look at the situation from the outside, as if it happened to some other person, and not to you.
3. Analyze your behavior.
When you enjoy freedom and realize that you are ready to restore the old relationship with the person who betrayed you, calmly consider your behavior before his betrayal. Perhaps you were also in something not quite right, and by your actions pushed him to this act.
But do not actively engage in self-flagellation, and invent excuses for the abuser. Soberly assess the state of things, and if you find your guilt, accept it as a mitigating circumstance in explaining the act of the traitor. It may be easier to understand how to forgive the betrayal of a loved one.
4. Negotiate.
Only after "working on yourself" can you sit down at the negotiating table. Listen carefully to the interlocutor, and give him your vision of the situation. Do not make a scandal, and do not use insults. A few words, spoken in a calm tone, will replace half an hour of claims and curses.
When you see repentance in the eyes of the interlocutor, and hear his intelligible explanations about the act committed, it will become clear to you whether you could sincerely forgive him or not. It is necessary that you feel real forgiveness, not pity or a desire to return to the old relationship.
5. Start a new life.
In the new life there should be no reminders and reproaches about betrayal. If you really forgive the offender, then you should not remind him of his mistake. After all, with your reproaches you will kindle a new fire of distrust, which is unlikely to be put out.
Only trust and optimism will be able to restore the previous communication, and make it much closer than it was before. You must understand that forgiveness is not a favor to a loved one, but your state of mind. Therefore it is necessary to be sincere and frank, first of all, with yourself.
Breaking any relationship is much easier than rebuilding it. Do not forget about it in the bitter moments of life. It will be unfair if one absurd mistake destroys what has been built over the years, and was once important for two close people.
Related articles:
Why do people lie
How to survive parting with your loved one
