You are delighted with telling your friends how a three-year-old little tot said yesterday that you are the best woman on earth and that when he grows up, he will definitely marry you?
Do not hurry to be touched! The "roots" of the Oedipus complex in adult males reach for early childhood.
And the situation you describe directly indicates that it's time to start fighting right now for the future normal life of your boy.
What it is?
The Oedipus complex dates back to the times of ancient Greece.
The special behavior of the boy due to unconscious desire take in the eyes of the mother, too, the place that his father.
The first signs of an active and somewhat aggressive struggle for her attention appear after 2 years.
With an adequate attitude of parents to this behavior, the symptoms characteristic of the complex, disappears by 6-7 years.
Oedipus complex according to Freud
This is a hidden sexual attraction of a boy of 3-6 years to his mother and ambivalent emotions in the same period towards his father in the form of love and hate at the same time.
The stage of adoring a mother as a woman and jealousy towards her man, even if he is your natural father, necessary for the proper development of the nervous system child and his adaptation in the family and in the outside world as an independent individual.
The reasons
While baby is small he most often more in contact with the mother.
As she grows up, the child realizes that her attention goes not only to him, but also to her father, other family members - because of this, the child’s proprietary interest is clearly suffering.
So he learns that not the center of the universe for a parent and other people and, naturally, for some time it is very shocking to him.
At the same time, the boy is trying copy the behavior of an older man in the family in relation to the wife, therefore, it gives the mother attention both as a child and as a man. But at the same time, she gradually begins to realize that she treats him differently than her husband.
The child is not able to realize the reason for the difference, and confusion in the feelings brings him a lot of unpleasant minutes.
How do parents provoke its development?
Approving the abnormal behavior of the son.
How can worsen the course of the complex:
- Indulgent observation of how the child is clearly or implicitly trying to push his father from his mother. If dad starts to fawn on his son or play along with his son, which is contrary to nature, the child will be afraid in his heart for the burden of poorly represented responsibility and for the blame before the father. Although outwardly will demonstrate triumph.
In the future, such a policy of the father will cause disrespect for him and unwillingness to copy his male line of conduct. - By agreeing to let the child in his bed. Bed mom and dad - this is their personal territory. And, of course, the baby may be angry and offended at the ban on sleeping under the side of the parents, but this rule should remain unbreakable.
- Unreasonable hope for marriage with the son in the future. Even in a joking way, you cannot tell a child that you combine a marriage with him when you grow up. A landmark on healthy relationships should be laid from infancy.
So that the child does not feel rejected, it is necessary to explain to him that mom and dad are a couple, and when he grows up, he will surely find his soul mate and fall in love with her.
- Taunt over son's feelings. Parents should adequately respond to the excessive manifestation of love, but it does not hurt the dignity of a little person.
- The lack of normal family relations between the parents of the child. Father-tyrant and father-mummy equally badly affect the further development of the child. For example, in both cases, such a model of behavior may be denied by the child as worthy of copying.
- If a boy is raised only by his mother, then she, consciously or unconsciously, can turn him into the head of the family. So the frequent repetition of the phrase like "you are my only support," elevates the child in his own eyes, but imposes too many psychological obligations on him.
She can also influence the formation of the subconscious perception of the mother as a female partner for marriage. In the future, this thought form can prevent a man from creating his own family. For example, he is tormented by neurosis due to the guilt of “treason” to the first woman, or he will develop impotence due to associating her partner with her mother - and this is already incest.
In the future, such a policy of the father will cause disrespect for him and unwillingness to copy his male line of conduct.
She can also influence the formation of the subconscious perception of the mother as a female partner for marriage. In the future, this thought form can prevent a man from creating his own family. For example, he is tormented by neurosis due to the guilt of “treason” to the first woman, or he will develop impotence due to associating her partner with her mother - and this is already incest.Manifestation time
When manifested:
- first time begins closer to the second year of life, and ends by the seventh;
- second phase accounts for the period of puberty;
- effects affect the rest of his life, if the young man does not consciously begin to deal with the consequences of the crisis under the control of an experienced psychologist.
Signs of
Key features:
- Manifested by the boy’s serious intentions regarding living together with a parentas a life companion.
- If a child is naturally shy, the mother can guess his fantasies due to increased attention from her son, expressed, for example, active help around the house, with a desire to cuddle more than usual during embraces, etc. At the same time, cases of unwarranted aggression or demonstrative disobedience in various situations may become more frequent with respect to the father.
- Suddenly, unfounded bloom pseudophobia - it is convenient to use invented fears for the child so that the mother spends more time for him.
For example, I read more at night, allowed to sleep in the parent's bed, on the street I definitely took my hand.
- During this period, the child may often think about partial or complete removing father from family lifeThat can pour out into fantasies with a sad and even tragic ending at the end of fictional stories.
- If manifestations of the Oedipus crisis are not eliminated correctly and on time, with the advent of adolescence unaccountable strong craving for the mother will reappear, but in a different form. The son will in every way poison the life of the parent with his antics, rude and even boorish communication, while not having a specific goal and not receiving from this, in fact, no pleasure.
What is dangerous?
Secretly the boy starts dream of disappearing father but at the same time he feels like a traitor to the latter.
At the same time, being able to estimate the world purely through a personal prism, the child “reasonably” suspects that the father has the same thoughts, but already in relation to the offspring.
So many contradictions cause discomfort in the fragile psyche, very pooping child, they instill in him the fear that he will soon become an outcast in his own family.
In addition, he is experiencing difficulties with a more efficient line of behavior - children need examples to understand the direction of the desired path of development.
In the absence of correction of behavior and a clear understanding at a young age of their secondary importance in the triangle, the mother - her husband - their son, the acceptance of this state of affairs and the realization that this is correct, the Oedipus complex will manifest itself in an adult man, bringing him new sufferings.
Residual traits in adulthood
Manifestations in adult males:
- Difficulties in relationship with the opposite sex. Each new partner will be studied under the prism of compliance or inconsistencies with the physical and psychological characteristics of the mother. And even if the features of the first will be perceived as satisfactory, the joint life of partners will be full of special problems. For example, a man will be strongly influenced by the mother, agree to her active participation in his own family life.
- Homosexuality. Such an outcome is possible either because of the father’s lack of an adequate acceptable example of behavior, or because of excessive love for the mother. In the first case, the boy can begin to identify with the mother and choose a female line of conduct. In the second case, the preference of partners of their own sex develops because of the subconscious strong unwillingness to offend the mother in relations with another woman.
- Latent neurosis manifested with the birth of a joint child. A wife, secretly associated with her own mother, paying a large share of attention to the newborn, can provoke a man’s hatred of her own offspring.
- Masochistic tendenciesimpairing the ability to build normal relations in friendship and marriage.
As if punishing himself for his secret love for his mother, a man subconsciously seeks partners who turn his life into a branch of a lunatic asylum.
- Difficulties in intimate life. The Oedipus complex is “to blame” for the existence of many sexual inversions.
- Rough behavior when communicating with the opposite sex, the desire to suppress the partner in everything is a frequent manifestation of being stuck in a crisis, the mother's revenge for inaccessibility and the father for the lack of male influence on behavior.
Solution of a problem
With the successful overcoming of the complex hidden sexual implications in the relationship with the mother gradually disappearthe boy subconsciously ceases to claim her as a man.
In parallel, there is peace in relations with the father and the son adopts his model of behavior.
Do not forget that one of the theories of the emergence of man evolutionary. And incest in the animal kingdom is not such a rare occurrence. And the grown-up, strengthened son often heads the family, if he manages to win the duel with his father.
So we can say that the manifestation of the Oedipus complex is inherent in people at the genetic level - overcoming it, we refuse to live by the example of our younger brothers.
And the faster the boy get rid of him, the greater the chances of a future man leave healthy and strong offspring. Therefore, be attentive to your little sons and help them overcome this first serious test for their psyche as painlessly as possible.
What is the Oedipus Complex? Opinion psychologist:
