We often hear that we need to believe in ourselves. But many do not know how to do it. How to grow healthy self-esteem? How to love yourself so that someone else's opinion is not depressing? One phrase "believe in yourself" is not enough. After all, low self-esteem, as low immunity, is unable to protect from minor failures. Increasing self-esteem is a hard work of "pumping" your own life from the lowest floors.
Confident man - who is he?
Believing in yourself is cool. This can be learned as any specialty. What character traits and habits need to be brought up to get a diploma of a self-confident person?
- Adequate self-esteem. Self-esteem is a tool that needs constant repair. Inflated or understated, like a broken compass, shows the wrong direction of development.
- Self confidence. The image of the real self is stable. A strong personality does not experience upsurges of euphoria "I am the best" or fall into the abyss with the words "I am a complete sucker." But at the same time has the right to a feeling of anger, frustration, fear.
- Filter between assessment and self-assessment. A confident person does not ascribe to others what he himself is experiencing, and confidence is formed not by someone else’s assessment, but by his own.
- Respect Your Own Borders. Every person is a sovereign state. The better protected borders, the easier it is to build diplomatic relations with neighboring powers.
- Flexibility in interaction with the world. All that is necessary for happiness is inside each of us. Belief in yourself helps to find an inner foothold in order to part with illusions and find a common language with other people.
- Communication. Personality psychology defines sociability and confidence as synonyms. This is not entirely true. Belief in yourself allows you to find a balance in interaction with others and the desire to be alone with yourself.
Man is not born a loser with a lack of faith in his own strength. Or a perfectionist without the right to make a mistake. The recognition "I do not believe in myself" always harbors a personal story. What role do parents play in this? Let's try to figure it out.
Belief in yourself come from childhood
The view of parents always affects the self-esteem of children. If from birth a child becomes a source of joy, if he reads in his parents' eyes that he is loved, then he grows up happy too. Self-esteem remains for life. This is the inner core, which cannot be broken by critical judgments or negative evaluation.
But parents have their own complexes and unfulfilled hopes. How will the child fit into these expectations? His whole fate depends on it. For example, a girl grows up. Of course, her parents love her, they consider it smart, but not attractive in appearance. All her life, she hears praise for her academic achievements and criticism regarding her appearance. Guess in what area of life she will have adequate self-esteem?
Children grow up, move away, but the inner voice constantly reminds them of their own shortcomings. It is important to understand that this is a strange voice and you can get rid of it. How to do it? Take responsibility for your life. Parents bring up as best they can for 16 years. If the result of their upbringing does not suit, there are many more years to relearn.
Believing in yourself is not God's blessing, and its absence is not a sentence. But sometimes we are under the power of illusions and overestimate our abilities. Some psychologists believe: we are so fixated on our chosenness that we no longer adequately evaluate what is happening. What causes self-confidence to grow to self-confidence?
Believe in yourself reasonably
Every person has his own reality glasses. Through the prism of his ego, he evaluates himself and his actions. Colleagues stop listening to each other's opinions, because their own is the most correct. Businessmen, to the last, do not admit to themselves that their business is on the verge of collapse. And social media is increasingly feeding up unhealthy ego addiction to likes or self syndrome. High self-esteem, as well as low, is just an external mask. These are extremes, between which there is a zero point - a healthy faith in yourself. It does not require external confirmation of its own uniqueness. This recognition of the uniqueness of what is.
How to find your adequate level?
Listen to the opinions of others. The environment in which you used to get approval is not suitable. To get clear feedback you need not likes, but communication with ordinary people who sincerely wish you well.
Refuse comparisons. Excessive control is included at the point “what will people say about me”. The energy of constant control is released and directed to other people. The center of attention is shifting from one's own person to other people's emotions and experiences.
Ask for forgiveness. The ability to admit they were wrong is an act of a mature personality. A person may not accept an apology - this is his right. But sometimes you need to apologize just to feel better.
Save rose-colored glasses for special occasions.. Sometimes you need to recover after a failure, or simply improve your mood. Rose-colored glasses should be protected for such cases. But do not wear them too often.
The problem of lack of self-confidence is so topical that many psychologists and life-coaches receive academic titles for their research in this area. Each of them has its own theory and methods of work, but the main news is this: it is treated.
Tools for believing in yourself
Trying to light a fire with two sticks or perform calculations on a piece of paper? Of course not. You use computers and other tools that could be purchased. What about belief in yourself? Why in matters of the quality of their own lives, many let the question take its course? Believing in yourself is not a feeling, it is a quality. And it can only be worked out in action. We need to move in small steps, then failure will not be a disaster for us.
How it works? Psychologists say that self-confidence is the usual sequence of actions, brought to automatism. Remember how you learned to cook? How did you first break eggs, knead the dough and pour it into the pan? And today you can call yourself a confident manufacturer of pancakes? Maybe yes. So in other areas of life. The first public performance is given with great difficulty or is not possible at all. But each time the belief in yourself grows stronger, and you take the first step more boldly. Self-confidence does not mean lack of excitement. But she gives faith in your own strength, in that with anxiety, you will definitely cope.
"Take a piece of paper." With these words, the reception begins with a life coach or psychotherapist. Here are some exercises you can do yourself.
- Record all instances of life when you felt confident. List all the events in the list: in kindergarten not a matinee, at school, at work. Constantly expand this list with new memories.
- Remember the situation when you were a fiasco. Imagine if this happened to another person and write him a letter as a support. Describe the situation from the outside, mention that you share his feelings and sympathize. After that, write a few tips on how to act in a similar situation at another time.
- At the end of each day, write down all the good things that happened to you during the day. Not necessarily too meaningful, but just pleasant. At the end of the week reread the most pleasant events. Note the actions that led to a decrease in belief in yourself. Add such that will help you improve your self-esteem.
- Write a letter to your parents. Just write whatever comes to mind. Go back to what you have written, supplement it until there is nothing left to say.
- Start keeping a diary. So you can not just record all the feelings, but also to monitor their development. Try to avoid value judgments like "bad" or "good." Do not judge and exalt yourself, just write a story about your life.
These ways are just the beginning. Gradually scattered thoughts will begin to thicken, pulling old grievances and experiences from the subconscious. You need to be prepared for the fact that not all efforts will bring results from the first or second attempt. But each victory over itself will bring a new surge of strength and will allow developing a more effective action plan. It will take time until you begin to believe in yourself enough to act effectively. But with every little triumph, self-confidence grows stronger.
Work on yourself brings self-esteem to zero point. In her, the calm feeling of “believe in yourself” replaces experiences at extreme points like “I am not good enough” and “I am the best”.
“Believe in yourself” - say it to yourself, until you really believe. Together with faith in yourself, inner peace, self-control, confidence in the correctness of choice will grow. Old failures will not be able to prevent change, and those who are waiting for you will not be knocked down from the chosen path. Because deep down inside your inner voice will quietly but surely repeat: “I believe in myself. I can.”
