Greetings to all! Today I am going to teach you meditation on loving kindness, which will open up the potential for you to show love, compassion, kindness and empathy. You can direct these qualities not only to other people, but also to yourself. Through practice, you will learn to love yourself and treat your shortcomings with understanding.
For a long time, I did not use any meditation technique except one: concentration on breathing, believing that it is the main and main technique, and all other meditations are only derivatives of it. I cannot say that my belief has now changed. Indeed, many different meditation practices are similar and are based on the same principle. But, nevertheless, there are techniques that have a clearer specification and are aimed mainly at any one goal.
Different meditation practices
For example, there are universal shoes - sneakers or sneakers, in principle, you can walk in the city, in nature, play sports, play active games, etc. But there are shoes that are specially suitable for some purposes, for example, football shoes or boots for tracking. They can not be used in any situation, but in football or on long hikes, respectively, they will be indispensable.
So, meditation with concentration on breathing is your sneakers. It serves many purposes at once: it trains awareness, promotes concentration, teaches you not to succumb to unwanted emotions, gives you peace of mind, acceptance, and, at the same time, develops love and compassion.
It can be said, "universal shoes", which is suitable in all situations. But if you want to continue to improve in practice, while focusing on certain aspects of it, then it will be very useful to study less universal, but more effective for specific purposes of the practice.
One of them is loving kindness meditation or Metta meditation. The first mentions of this technique occur in the heyday of Buddhism two and a half thousand years ago. With her help, the followers of the Buddha developed compassion for all sentient beings, which is the virtue of Buddhism (and indeed of all religions).
Scientific studies of loving-kindness meditation
But even nowadays this meditation has become popular and is used by many people, regardless of their religion. It is described in a large number of modern books. This technique is recommended for all people suffering from anger, irritation, insomnia, indifference and lack of sympathy and love, or those who simply want to unlock greater potential for compassion and kindness in themselves. The latest brain studies have shown (Studies by Barbara Fredrikson, Richard J. Davidson) that this type of meditation contributes to positive emotions, develops the ability of a person to put himself in the place of others, improves social connections and reduces stress and anxiety, which has a beneficial effect on people with depression and panic disorder.
The results of the experiments of James Gross from Stanford demonstrated that the seven-minute practice of Metta Meditation enhances a sense of closeness and connection with the person you represent during meditation.
Compassion and health
Other studies show (Steve Cole, B. Fredrikson, Sarah Konrat) that empathy, altruism, empathy have a strong positive effect on the mental and even physical health of a person: prolong life, strengthen immunity, and even reduce the likelihood of developing cancer. While the absence of these qualities can be more dangerous to human health than smoking, obesity and high blood pressure!
Sympathy, kindness are innate qualities formed by nature so that we can survive. Taking care of others is natural. Sympathy is more than just man-made norms of behavior and morality. Love rests in our nature, and without it, a person becomes self-contained and unhappy. But it is wrong to assume that love is given only from birth, love can be developed with the help of certain practices.
One of these exercises is meditation, and in particular, Metta Meditation.
Who needs Metta meditation?
I believe that this practice is needed by absolutely everyone. As well as sports. It cannot be said that only people with health problems should be involved in sports. Such problems only increase the need for sports, but the absence of problems does not negate the benefits of sports for perfectly healthy people.
And although I think you need to do everything, the following prerequisites make Metta Meditation strictly obligatory for you if:
- You are often angry with people, you feel hurt, you wish evil
- It's hard for you to endure other people's shortcomings
- It's hard for you to put up with the fact that people are not what you would like them to be.
- Other people's problems do not cause sympathy, you are indifferent to them. In constantly thinking about yourself
- It is difficult for you to treat yourself with love. You are too demanding, do not know how to forgive yourself mistakes. You hate and despise yourself
- There is a lot of stress in your life
- Insomnia tormenting you
- You constantly "live in your head"
- You work with people (or animals) to help them. Your health or development depends on you. If you are a doctor, veterinarian, a practicing psychologist, a teacher at school or in kindergarten, then this practice is for you.
Practicing in malice
At first, when I only learned about the practice, I treated it with skepticism. I did not like the idea of affirmations, it seemed to me to be something of a kind of self-suggestion, to which meditation should not have any relation. Meditation, in my opinion, is not intended to cause any emotions, it teaches you to be with what is.
But as I practiced “normal” meditation with a concentration on breathing, I felt more and more acutely the need to add something else to it. I saw that our attention controls our mood: we gradually become what we direct our eyes to.
As the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said: “If you look into the abyss, the abyss reflects on you!” I cannot disagree with that! In one book, I read that many people practice anger, intolerance, and gloating every day without realizing it. This happens when they mentally condemn someone, wish this person evil, scroll through scenes of revenge.
And then the anger is reflected in them. The more they practice malice, the more they become angry not only in relation to a person, but also in relation to themselves and other people.
(It is appropriate to recall the psychological theory of psychic modules, which I described in a series of articles on meditation and the code of evolution. According to this theory, a certain psychic module (a separate module can be associated with both manifestation of aggression and empathy) then when our attention is often turned to him. For example, if we constantly have sex, always think about it, then we want sex more and this desire becomes uncontrollable. It’s a mistake to think that the more we do , the more satisfied we will come. On the contrary, so we tease our desire, and our dissatisfaction grows.)
Penetrating all corners of life, irritation and bitterness poison a person, destroy his health and life!
But, since we can voluntarily destroy ourselves with anger, practicing it, why don't we exercise ourselves in understanding, in empathy and kindness to help ourselves?
This argument was a strong impetus for my Metta Meditation practice.
The second prerequisite for her was the understanding that we also practice love in ordinary breathing meditation. Although it becomes clear not immediately. At the beginning of the practice it may seem that we practice only to relax, stop thinking about problems. But the practice far exceeds these aspects. Meditating, we practice love and acceptance in relation to ourselves and everything that happens! We learn to treat with love and serenity that our mind is constantly worried, jumping from subject to subject. We learn to accept any of our thoughts and emotions, whatever they may be, to treat them with patience and sympathy. When we become more patient and empathic with ourselves, then our compassion for others grows.
During meditation, we train our mind not to attribute such importance to momentary desires and impulses. This leads not only to the improvement of self-control, but also to the disappearance of the egocentric, due only to one’s own interests, perspectives on the world view and surrounding people. From this point of view, almost any meditation is an exercise in love, in patience, in compassion.
And we, of course, should not neglect these aspects of practice. If some kind of meditation helps us focus on them completely, it will be good if we practice this kind of meditation.
Running helps to improve the functioning of the heart, lungs and develop the muscles of the legs. But if we want to have very strong legs, then it would not hurt us to add squats to the run.
I am in favor of using this approach in relation to self-development. And in order to work out different aspects of the personality well, it is better to use several techniques.
How to do?
I will offer you several variants of the technique of Metta meditation. The first of them can be said "canonical", described in a variety of modern literature. The second is my slightly adapted version. If you do not like thoughtless affirmations, then the option that I use is more suitable for you. In any case, the choice is yours. You can try one and the other and choose the one that suits you best. Or invent your own technique by adding elements from the two presented below. Nobody limits you! Try to listen to yourself, to understand what will be better for you!
Give practice some time, starting from 5-7 minutes, ending with any period of time. But in the beginning it is better not to do more than 20 - 30 minutes per session. Personally, I practice right after the usual concentration on breathing. I do this practice for 25 minutes, then my alarm clock goes off and about 5 minutes (without detecting time, it feels like), I do Metta. It suits me well. According to subjective observations, meditation of loving kindness helps to direct the state obtained through ordinary meditation (which is more neutral) towards love and kindness, as if to consolidate the experience gained at this point. But, I repeat, do as you yourself consider convenient. Experiment, try.
We now turn to two options for practice.
First option
- Let's get started! Relax. Sit with a straight back, close your eyes, as well as during normal meditation with concentration on breathing. Watch your breath for a few minutes to calm your mind a little. Tune in to practice for a minute or two by tracking every breath and exhale.
- Next, focus on yourself. Wish yourself happiness, freedom from suffering and good health. Speak about yourself these wishes slowly. “I wish myself to be happy”, “I wish to be free from suffering”, “I wish myself to have good health”. You can do this in time with your breathing. Then concentrate a little on the sensations that have appeared. Direct them in your breath.
- Then imagine a mentally beloved person or a good friend. Also wish him the same thing you wished for yourself. Send your love in his mind. After that, stay a little breath. Moving on to each new stage, try to notice if you have any tension inside. Mentally direct your breath to the areas in which it occurs, stay with it, and relax. If you become distracted by thoughts, there is absolutely nothing to worry about, our mind is so arranged, he constantly thinks about something, do not worry about that. I also constantly think during meditation. Some people just can't do anything about it. But this does not mean that meditation is wasted! Just as soon as you notice that you have begun to think about some other things, calmly transfer your attention to breathing.
- Focus on a neutral person. This may be your colleague, neighbor, wage worker. The person whom you know, with whom you communicate, but do not feel for him any emotions. Wish him happiness, freedom from suffering and good health. Give him love. If you find it difficult to imagine this love, then imagine the feelings of a person who loves you, and try to feel what he feels and direct these feelings to another person.
- Imagine a stranger, a man whom you just once saw. A classmate of your son, whom you noticed in the photo. Pensioner in the subway, to which you have given way. The author of the news column that you read in the morning. Any stranger. Also wish him all the things that you wish other people.
- Imagine a person with whom you have a difficult relationship, whom you dislike and who may not like you. This, in my opinion, is the most difficult, with the most important stage of the practice. After all, we are accustomed to dislike and condemn those who we do not like. And to wish them happiness means to start breaking the habit of hating that has been forming for many years. Therefore, pay special attention to this stage. Wish your "enemy" happiness, health and freedom from suffering. Try not to do this automatically. Concentrate. Get rid of gloating and try to wish happiness from your heart. In fact, all the evil, harmful, self-serving, envious, proud people themselves suffer from their vices, so they deserve the wishes of love. One person wrote to me recently: "there are no bad people. There are only good and unhappy ones". Keep this in mind and treat “bad” people with understanding!
- Now wish happiness to all these people together.
- Wish happiness to all living beings, let them stay in harmony and love!
- After practice, stay a little more with your breathing. Observe the sensations that have arisen (even if there are no sensations). And then calmly open your eyes, stretch your sweetness, knead your neck and leave meditation.
Even if there are no sensations, just focus a few seconds on breathing. Feelings like love, compassion may or may not appear. Do not worry, you have everything right. Try to think less about whether you are doing everything right. Just be here and now with what is. Be with a lack of emotion and even negative emotions, irritation and anger. If any, do not scold yourself! After all, you decided to exercise patience and cultivate love for yourself! Therefore, try to relate to everything that appears inside with love and patience, even to your anger, no matter how stupid and inappropriate it may seem. Get rid of any expectations, from any "meditation should ..." Meditation should not do anything! Everything appears by itself when the time comes.
Second option
My version is based on the "canonical version", so here I will limit myself to listing only the differences, so as not to repeat the content of the previous paragraph.
Presence of individual wishes
I still don’t really appreciate the pre-prepared affirmations. They, in my opinion, look like birthday greetings on duty: "happiness, health". They are template, memorized and therefore may not cause the desired response of compassion in you. (By the way, in my article “Why congratulate on my birthday,” I wrote that the social ritual of congratulations is the same Metta meditation that people practice unconsciously. Therefore, this ritual cannot be neglected since it has the same advantages)
I try to want people and myself something that these particular people really need. If I imagine a person who has problems in a relationship and, moreover, I understand what these problems are connected with, then I can wish him, for example, the following: “Let you find an understanding, sensitive and kind partner. Let him start to take care of you and support. I wish you to get rid of your fears and complexes yourself, because you will not achieve harmony in relationships until you find harmony in yourself. I wish you love and happiness! "
Of course, if I do not know what worries a person, I can simply wish him "love and happiness." But to those people whom I know, I try to give more individual wishes.
It turns out that my practice is more intellectual than the first option (in the sense that it uses memory and intelligence a little). But in moderation! Meditation should not be too intellectual! Therefore, if you feel that it is difficult for you to decide what torments a particular person and what you can wish for him, with a calm heart, wish him happiness and love! This is what all people need!
The relevance of the wishes of the current life situation
Как я писал, я практикую метта медитацию сразу следом за медитацией с концентрацией на дыхании. 25 минут я концентрируюсь на внимании и на всем, что происходит внутри и снаружи (это моя новая техника, опишу ее в следующих статьях). А потом 5 минут практикую Метта. Во время медитации с дыханием меня могут посещать разные мысли, эмоции и суждения о людях. Например, я вспомню какого-то неприятного мне человека, поймаю себя на том, что я думаю о нем плохо. Тогда я перевожу внимание на дыхание и обещаю себе пожелать этому человеку счастья и добра во время Метта медитации.
То есть выбираю объекты для медитации любящей доброты в соответствии с теми переживаниями, которые занимают меня сейчас. (Хотя, нельзя сказать, что, выбирая тех людей, которым вы будете желать добра другим способом, вы делаете полностью произвольный и случайный выбор. Наверняка вы в первую очередь вспомните о тех людях, которые оставляют в вашей душе наиболее глубокий эмоциональный след).
Или же вы можете вспомнить ближайшие конфликты. Если было какое-то трение с женой или мужем, и вы чувствуете, что вы обижаетесь, то обязательно пожелайте этому человеку добра во время медитации любящей доброты. В общем, старайтесь работать с тем, что вас беспокоит.
Также вы можете выбирать тех людей, встреча с которыми вам предстоит в этот день: ваши коллеги, друзья или родственники. Перед встречей очень неплохо расположить себя к этому человеку и тогда он сам обязательно расположиться к вам.
Отличия на этом кончаются, но будут еще общие рекомендации.
Используйте вашу мудрость
Это может оказаться сложным моментом. Но если вы делаете индивидуальные пожелания, то было бы замечательно, если бы вы учитывали не только то, что человек хочет, но и то, что ему действительно нужно. Например, у вас есть друг, который целыми днями сидит на работе, пребывая в постоянном стрессе и недовольстве, забывая про семейную жизнь, потому что он хочет денег, денег и денег! Было бы неправильно желать ему только того, что он хочет, потому что на самом деле ему нужны не деньги, а другое. Ему нужно перестать убивать свое здоровье, игнорировать членов своей семьи и сгорать на работе. Если он не перестанет этого делать, то никакие деньги не принесут ему счастья! Поэтому желайте то, что ему нужно. Полагайтесь на свою мудрость и интуицию. Используйте метта медитацию также как способ развить мудрость и понимание людей.
Желания не должны быть эгоистичными
Не следует желать другим людям того, чтобы вы хотели от них получить или того, какими бы вы хотели, чтобы они стали. К таким эгоистичным желаниям относятся такие слова: "желаю, чтобы мой муж стал более щедрым и больше делал мне подарков" или "желаю, чтобы моя жена научилась лучше готовить борщ".
Задача медитации - это поставить себя на место другого человека и попытаться понять, чего он хочет, чего ему не хватает для счастья, и пожелать ему свершения этих вещей. Ведь вы тренируете способность смотреть на мир с перспективы других людей, а не с ограниченной и узкой перспективы своих желаний. И когда у вас это получается, вы освобождаетесь!
Поэтому следите за чистотой и бескорыстностью своих желаний! Но и не доводите этот принцип до крайности. Например, если ваш муж научится сдерживать свой гнев, это сделает счастливыми не только его, но и вас. И это вовсе не значит, что ему не нужно этого желать.
Также старайтесь делать так, чтобы ваши пожелания самому себе также не были эгоистичными. Понимаю, звучит странно, но давайте объясню. Пускай в ваших пожеланиях себе фигурирует то, что вы можете сделать для других людей. Например, я постоянно желаю самому себе:
- "Желаю себе научиться более сдержанно и терпеливо реагировать на комментарии на моем сайте, сосредоточиться на том, чтобы помогать людям, а не воспитывать их".
- "Желаю себе служить поддержкой и опорой для людей, которые мучаются и страдают".
Но и здесь не стоит перегибать палку. Все-таки оставьте место для себя любимого. Здесь важно, как и везде, выдерживать баланс, поэтому, опять же, полагайтесь на свою мудрость.
Выдерживайте структуру
В своей практике я не всегда соблюдаю структуру из первого варианта медитации (вы сами, потом ваш друг, потом нейтральная персона и т.д.). Иногда за 5 минут практики я могу желать счастья только одному конкретному человеку (как я делаю, например, перед личной консультацией или непосредственно перед дружеской встречей) или только нескольким людям, с которыми у меня трудные отношения. В общем, как получится.
Но несмотря на это, я стараюсь выдерживать иногда указанную структуру, так как я считаю ее очень удачной. Why? Потому что она развивает сострадание во многих аспектах, в том числе в тех, в которых она наиболее слабо развита.
Многим из нас легко желать счастья себе, своим близким и друзьям (хотя, конечно же не всем). Но намного сложнее проявлять любовь в отношении незнакомца или безликой массы. Это подтверждают сюжеты многих фильмов-катастроф: действие в них концентрируется, как правило, на одном человеке или обычной маленькой семье, которая спасает себя в условиях глобальной катастрофы, охватившей все человечество. Легко сострадать единицам - трудно сочувствовать миллионам!
Поэтому очень важно раскрыть свой потенциал для сострадания навстречу всем людям, в том числе чужакам и врагам, а не только к тем, к кому мы привязываемся!
Пара слов напоследок
Лично я считаю, что лучший результат будет, если вы будете практиковать и концентрацию на дыхании, и медитацию любящей доброты. Они очень хорошо дополняют друг друга. Вам по-прежнему нужны ваши кроссовки и какая-то более специализированная обувь.
Но если вам трудно посвятить время обеим практикам, то можно выбрать одну, которая больше вам подходит. Если вы чувствуете, что вас переполняет ненависть или равнодушие, лучше практиковать Метта. Или может вам пока очень трудно работать с дыханием. Но нельзя забывать, что "главная" медитация с дыханием также затрагивает аспект формирования любви, но помимо него еще многое другое.
Но должен предупредить, что приоритет одной практикой над другой, указанный здесь, проистекает только из моего мнения и моей личной практики. Думайте за себя=) Быть может, Метта станет именно вашей основной техникой, которая даст вам потрясающий результат!
Я желаю вам всем избавиться от проблем, которые вас волнуют. Избавиться от страха, тревоги, уныния.
Желаю вам открыться навстречу людям, почувствовать себя неотъемлемой частью единого целого, а не отдельным и обособленным от всего мира «Я»!
Желаю жить в гармонии с собой и своими близкими.
Желаю открывать свое истинное назначение, а не гнаться за иллюзиями и чужими идеалами.
Желаю вам перестать искать истину только в книгах и в других людях, а найти ее в себе!
Хочу, чтобы вы были счастливы и открыли в себе любовь!
Пока!
