In every marriage with time appear unwritten traditions and rules of conductHowever, not all of them arise painlessly for both spouses - many disagreements on this or that issue may first cause excitement and apprehension over how they will affect future relations.
One of these delicate nuances is the issue of joint sleep. Why can one spouse want to sleep separately? Does this mean a relationship crash? and what to do in this case?
The reasons
Why don't my wife want to sleep with her husband?
Most often, the initiator of a separate dream in marriage becomes a woman.
This can occur for the following reasons:
- Husband sleeping restlessly, tossing and turning in bed, pulling a blanket over himself, or may accidentally strike, throw an arm or a leg over his wife.
- Different biological rhythm. A spouse may have a habit of falling asleep later, and before reading a book, watching TV, using a computer, or getting out of bed to smoke, which may prevent his wife from falling asleep or waking her.
This also includes the work schedule at which the husband returns when the wife is already asleep.
- Uncontrollable consciousness during sleep behavior - snoring, creaking teeth or such a piquant moment as the consequences of abdominal distention.
- Smell of alcohol or cigarette smoke with the abuse of her husband's smoking and alcoholic beverages.
- Violation of the conditions of rest - for example, increased temperature in the room, stuffiness in the room. Of course, with joint sleep, these factors are exacerbated.
- Fear of appearing unattractive in the morning.. Some women seek to preserve freshness in relationships and do not want a beloved man to see them unkempt and sleepy in the morning.
- Critical days. During them, a woman may experience discomfort, depressed morale, wants to do her own hygiene, not wanting to bother her husband once again.
Women have a much more sensitive sleep, due to natural needs - to sleep gently during pregnancy or with an infant.
Therefore, many of the problems described will be insignificant for men, but will play a huge role for women.
Why does the husband not want to sleep with his wife? A husband can also be for separate night rest with his wife for the following reasons:
- He used to spend time with a book or gadget, near the TV before you fall asleep.
In general, for many men, a more active “nightlife” life is typical - they are more likely than women to eat late in the evening, and also use bedtime as the main leisure activity.
- Spouse is shy of his unconscious action during sleep
- In family Small child and the man leaves his care completely in the care of his wife, not wanting to wake up and get up at night to rock him.
- Husband wants keep romance in a relationship and meet in bed exclusively for sex.
Usually men sleep tightthan women. Their sleep is not so strongly influenced by external factors - loud sounds, light, tactile stimuli.
Therefore, joint rest gives them much less inconvenience than women and the rejection of a common bed, usually caused by the need for free time before the rest.
Psychology
We sleep with my husband in different rooms. At present, the attitude to the joint sleep of the husband and wife as a whole remains positive, while the separation is more often seen as a negative trend in the relationship.
However, it is worth remembering that the most common feature of married life was relatively recently - with the beginning of industrialization and the mass construction of high-rise buildings in cities.
In cramped conditions in the apartments there was no room for two bedrooms, so sleeping together became the norm.
Separate sleep also exists. advantageswhich are often significant for both spouses:
- In silence, a person gets much better sleep, which has a positive effect on his emotional background, performance and general well-being. In conditions of joint sleep is less possible, since on average spouses wake each other up to six times per night. Also, the desire to communicate with one spouse with a more tired other before bedtime often leads to conflicts, offenses and misunderstandings.
- Opportunity yourself manage your time before bed. Many need some freedom just before bedtime, they see the presence of another person - even a very close one - at this time, as interference with their personal space. A separate dream excludes this.
- Sexual relations retain their attractiveness longer. It is no secret that over time, the spirits of feelings for each other can go to naught, and some people want to keep it longer.
In this case, separate rest eliminates the "habit" of the spouses to each other, since a joint bed in this case is not associated with commonness.
In general, supporters of separate night rest have reasonable grounds to assert that such a feature will have a better effect on relationships, because about 7% of marriages break up because of the intolerance of the spouses to each other in the same bed during sleep.
However, joint night rest also has enough positives:
- joint sleep is considered by many as a manifestation trust, tenderness and love for each other;
- Both women and men often wish to fall asleep, touching their spouse, feeling her closeness;
- a common bed for sleep provides a stronger emotional attachment of the husband and wife to each other. Of course, if he suits both spouses;
- for older people joint sleep is often what is called becomes a matter of life and death, since it is at this time that heart attacks and other sharp deteriorations in health occur most often. Timely assistance provided for this is the key to saving lives.
There is no one-to-one recommendation as to which type of sleep is preferable for a particular married couple - because in this case it is necessary to take into account the characteristics and preferences of each spouse.
Some couples do not even have such a question - since both husband and wife have the same beliefs about night rest.
However, in case of disagreement, this controversial issue may alarm the future of the relationshipwhen one of the spouses decides to sleep in a separate room or in different beds. What to do in such cases?
Psychology tips
I can not sleep with my husband: what to do?
If you have any inconvenience when sharing a night with your spouse, you should talk to him about sleeping separately.
It is important to tell him that this is not a sign that your feelings for him cool down. Explain to him that this way you simply wish to improve your sleep and that has nothing to do with your feelings.
If there is no possibility to sleep separately, then You can resort to the following tricks:
- Sleep under two different blankets. This will eliminate the struggle and dragging the blanket over itself, which often causes misunderstandings.
- Distance between sleeping spouses must be at least 50 cm. This is worth considering when buying a bed.
In this case, the husband and wife will involuntarily wake each other during sleep.
- Both husband and wife must be to take a bath before going to bed, use appropriate perfumes.
- Man should not go to bed with the smell of alcohol. This can be agreed to eliminate misunderstandings.
This approach will make more comfortable rest in one bed.
Feel free to talk about intimate and juicy moments..
For example, the husband’s desire to sleep without clothes after sex can also cause discomfort - it is important to discuss these nuances, since silence and humility with inconvenience may later result in some kind of conflict and become a real “surprise” for an unsuspecting man.
The husband stopped sleeping with me: what to do?. If your husband suddenly expressed a desire to sleep separately - this is a sufficient reason to inquire about the reason for this.
Perhaps he himself will not tell what prompted him to sleep separately. Sometimes the reasons for this are as follows:
- Husband may have any problems or stressful situations at workthat led to insomnia. Perhaps he does not want to give you inconvenience that he will not sleep and thus may wake you up, but prejudices prevent him from telling about stress, that men should remain calm in any situation. Talk to him.
It is not necessary to start with the fact that he sleeps separately - ask how he is doing, ask about the situation at his work, relationships with friends.
- Men suffer from heat worse. In the summer, the most commonplace reason for separate sleep is that it is worse to have a fever in one bed. In this case, there is no cause for concern - after the temperature recovers, the man will return to bed.
- Men under severe stress with age-related decrease in potency. However, they can avoid closeness in this way, not wanting to show their health problems and male weakness. It may be worthwhile to seriously talk with him about this problem and provide the necessary support, consult with a specialist.
- It may be that period when you have there is an addiction to each other. In fact, a separate dream can significantly refresh the relationship, but both spouses should strive for this, to understand that such a step is being made consciously and precisely for this purpose. Talk to your spouse about what he thinks about your relationship - it may take efforts from both partners to return the brightness to them.
A sharp change in the behavior of a man, of course, must have under him certain reasons that need to be discussed.
However, sometimes a man initially insists that he wants to sleep separately.
The husband sleeps separately: how to be?. If a man for a separate dream, then perhaps he was just used to freedom at this time. For many, the ability to sleep in a star pose or go to the refrigerator late in the evening is an important component for a normal sleep.
However, if you feel a great need for a strong man’s shoulder in order to fall asleep, if you need his closeness, you can ask your husband to give you time before bed.
For example, he can simply lie down beside him so that you can calmly fall asleep, after which he himself will go to his room.
It’s best to talk calmly with your husband about what is the reason for his preference for separate sleep.
Often, women see problems like the appearance of a mistress or the cooling of feelings, but in reality everything is much more banal and simpler.
What happens if a husband sleeps separately? 5 reasons not to sleep with my wife in the same bed:
