The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a headache for many families, especially if the young family has to live in the same house with the parents of the husband or at a close distance from the “parental nest”. Therefore, if the mother-in-law has also got you with her niggles, and just with a constant presence, carefully read what we are talking about next, there will be something to adopt!
Life story
When Sergey and Olya got married, the question of where to live a young family did not stand. Sergey's parents seemed like nice people and immediately offered - live with us, the house is large, two-storeyed, which, they say, wander the apartment ... The married friend Svetka dissuaded and strongly advised to live separately: as you know, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not get along very well in one house. She told, without being embarrassed in expressions, how her husband's mother took her out during a short cohabitation with his parents.
Olya listened and thought: "Well, you, dear, are not a gift, but everything will be different for me." Young people took the second floor, it would seem - a lot of places, live and rejoice. But the kitchen turned out to be one, and two housewives in the same kitchen, as you know ... Mom taught Olya one, her mother-in-law another: she tormented her with insistent advice, nagging, and poked her nose everywhere. Olya wanted to make repairs - came across a strong protest, wanted to plant flowers - again she was refused.
Household little things, too, did not suit the mother-in-law: it turns out that her beloved son was used to this and that, and not the way Olya does. A young woman rushed to the "beloved son," and he suddenly stood on the side of the mother. And it started ...
A friend of Svetka, in response to tears in a gloating voice, uttered into the telephone a sacred phrase: “What did I say! You probably thought you were the smartest?”. And poor Olga sobbed even more bitterly ...
It would be funny if it were not so sad.
Throughout his life, a person tries on many social roles. The conflict of generations in the format of "fathers and children", "mother-in-law - son-in-law", "mother-in-law - daughter-in-law", unfortunately, not only becomes a fertile topic for anecdotes, but also the cause of a protracted confrontation, leading to sad consequences. As the saying goes, "It would be funny if it were not so sad." At first glance, the reason “the mother-in-law got it” does not seem to be respectful, but it often leads even to the fact that the young family falls apart, not having time to take place.
Is it possible to avoid the sad consequences? Is peaceful coexistence with mother-in-law under one roof possible? Experts say that yes, but for this it is necessary to reconsider their attitude to the husband’s mother, learn to respect her age, that is, to change her vision of the situation, if she herself (the situation, and the mother of the beloved too) cannot be changed.
The main myth, provoking the state of "cold war"
Often young women, having listened to horror stories from girlfriends, pre-program themselves for confrontation. The newly minted sister-in-law, not knowing her mother-in-law, is already disliking her and is “ready for battle” in advance. Do not draw conclusions on the basis of jokes and horror stories, heard or read somewhere.
It may happen that over time, the previously hated mother of her husband will turn out to be a golden man and become for you the most reliable friend and the best adviser. It happens that the sister-in-law and the mother-in-law do not oppose each other, but play in the same team, especially when it comes to their common beloved person.
There are also such cases when spouses divorce, but the daughter-in-law with the mother of her former husband for many years maintain excellent relations, congratulate each other on holidays, gladly go to visit, run to the rescue, if necessary. You should not take a fighting stance in advance, without knowing a person closer.
The art of “getting”: causes and effects
The main reason for the “getting-away” behavior of your husband's mother is banal maternal jealousy: after all, she was raising, grooming, cherishing - and then “some kind of ...” came and took her beloved son. His love, previously belonging to her alone, has to be shared with another woman. Psychologically, it is very difficult, and if the mother-in-law is really wise, she will try to build relationships with the same wisdom.
We repeat - letting the son go is psychologically very difficult, because only the mother knows that he loves for breakfast, and in which corner his slippers should stand. From here and importunity with councils, and cavils, and at times even malicious sneers at the lackless sisters-in-law. And, oddly enough, the son very often takes the side of the mother, which is doubly insulting to the young wife. A permanent conflict develops, worthy of which is difficult, but possible. To do this, we discard emotions and listen to some simple tips.
A thin world is better than a good war
If possible, start a family life on your territory, no matter how attractive the mother-in-law’s territory (large house, country mansion, penthouse, etc.) may seem. Let your first family nest be small and not so comfortable, but it will only be yours. And everything in the kitchen - stove, spoon-pots-fridge-pans - will belong to you completely. And let the mother-in-law come to visit: it is easier to suffer her once a week than to listen to comments every day. Moreover, in your territory it will be difficult for her to play by her own rules, because she is not a hostess, but merely a guest;
If it came to conflict - do not consider it shameful to declare a truce first: the crown will not fall from you, and the husband’s mother will appreciate it;
Frequently imagine yourself in her place. It is not so difficult, especially if you have a small and infinitely beloved son. One day, he will also bring another girl into the house and say: "Mom, this is Nastya (Dasha, Masha), we are going to get married." And it seems to be happy, but my heart aches and cries, and in my head there is one question: what about me? Further more. What if she does not know how, and he will go hungry, in stale shirts? Oh God! Imagine? Perhaps after that you will understand your spouse's mom better.
Do not stupidly ignore all the advice of the husband's mother: for the most part, they may not only be useful, but truly invaluable. As a result - delicious recipes, cleaned stains, evenly lying on the walls wallpaper and much more. 
Rarely, but there are cases in life when a mother’s hyper-care does not stop with her son’s marriage, but quite the contrary. You are unlucky, your mother-in-law is just that, her advice and instructions simply have no life. In this case, learn to politely, without shouting and mutual insults, but as firmly as possible to put the husband's mother in place. In this case, acceptable homework: write on paper a small speech for the mother in law and practice in front of the mirror. In her next visit, seize the moment and give a speech with royal dignity. The result can be staggering.
Do not wait for your husband's mother to take up his beloved “getting out” occupation, ask for advice on any matter, even if it is insignificant. For any mother-in-law, there is nothing more important than recognizing her wisdom and excellence in housekeeping.
It’s a paradox, but at one point she can complain to her friends that “the daughter-in-law has got it,” but it will be said with hidden pride: behold, they say, I’m in demand, the young will not step without me and step ...
In the event that the mother of your spouse is very unkind, use a simple technique: mentally wash off the image of the omnipresent mother-in-law or plenty of water (waterfall, river, sea) or just a rag from an ordinary school board. They say it helps ...
No matter how hard you try to please, please, be patient, her husband's family is someone else’s, and alas, they will never be their relatives. Therefore, the main thing in such a situation is to decide for yourself what you will waste your energy on: a protracted war, or the search for compromises in order to avoid hostilities from which no one would be better off.
