Love is always presented as a bright and pure feeling, forgetting that it can bring negative emotions and even pain.
For example, if you have unrequited love: what to do in this case?
Unrequited love - what does it mean?
At least once experienced every love.
In that sense there is hope of possible reciprocity, a great desire to be with a particular person, the pain of unrequited feelings, lack of readiness to move on.
Some have experienced this feeling for years. At the same time, they themselves understand the hopelessness of their position and even make some attempts to destroy this bond, but, more often, they remain unsuccessful.
Psychology and causes
The first thing to understand is an unhealthy feeling. And the longer it goes on, so much the worse for you.
What is the problem of unrequited love?
- Negative color. Love is a wonderful feeling that excites and inspires us. But you can’t definitely say this about unrequited love: besides the rare glimmers of hope, you mostly experience negative emotions. Suffering and hopelessness become your main companions.
Loss of individuality. In the first place becomes the object of your adoration. You dissolve in it, losing a sense of self-importance and significance. All your thoughts and interests are devoted only to him.- Lost the taste of life. All your time takes away feelings and longing. You do not meet with friends, do not go to events. Do not experience simple life joys. At some point, you begin to understand that nothing brings pleasant emotions. You become indifferent to everything and closed.
- Depression. You constantly experience negative emotions, are in a depressed mood. Apathy comes, and behind it and depression. There is a feeling of emptiness and a feeling that without this person you can never be happy.
- Looping. All your thoughts are fixated solely on one person and on suffering for him. You cease to notice the world around us, endlessly scrolling in his head his image and thoughts about the impossibility of a joint future.
Loss of individuality. In the first place becomes the object of your adoration. You dissolve in it, losing a sense of self-importance and significance. All your thoughts and interests are devoted only to him.At the same time, a person most often does not notice himself when he steps on this path. It is as if in oblivion.
In such a state it can take a long time before an individual aware of his problem and will at least make any attempt to break out of this vicious circle.
Why do I always fall in love unrequited?
So why is your love often not mutual?
There can be many reasons individually enough.
But to summarize, it turns out the following:
- Incorrect choice. You subconsciously pulls to those who will not reciprocate, will be indifferent to you. This problem is a psychological level, you need to dig and understand why this is happening. It is best to consult a specialist.
- Wrong demonstration of love. Maybe the object of your sympathy is not even aware of your feelings? Try to express them more explicitly or talk directly with him.
Or maybe you go ahead and are so intrusive that scare him?
In this case, it is desirable to ask your friends what they think about it. Opinion from the side will help solve the problem.
- Indecision. You are not even trying to do something, because you are so shy or self-contained that you don’t admit that you can please someone. Here you need to work on self-confidence.
Why doesn't he / she love me?
Feeling unrequited feelings, we often ask ourselves: “Well, why? Why doesn't he love me? ” Let's see what the reasons really can be:
The man is not ready for a relationship. That is, it's not about you, but about his position at the moment. Perhaps he has other priorities now or he has recently experienced a break and is not yet ready for love experiences. And you suddenly appeared with your love and immediately demand an answer from him. So give him some time, let him think it over.- He feels sorry for you. You come, you start crying that you love him for so long, and now you suffer so much ... It often happens that such a confession causes nothing but pity. Therefore, you either rephrase and change your attitude a little, or wait, perhaps he will have some other feelings towards you.
- He really does not see you as a partner. The reasons for this can be many. He does not like something in your character or appearance. Or you may be bored for him.
But don't blame yourself. It happens, you also do not pull to some people, right? In this case, the main thing is not to start engaging in self-flagellation.
The man is not ready for a relationship. That is, it's not about you, but about his position at the moment. Perhaps he has other priorities now or he has recently experienced a break and is not yet ready for love experiences. And you suddenly appeared with your love and immediately demand an answer from him. So give him some time, let him think it over.Why does unrequited love arise and how to fight it? Find out from this video:
How long is one-sided feeling?
It is very individual and impossible to say for sure.
But if you constantly feed this feeling in you, then unrequited love may take years or even for life.
Is it worth fighting?
To try definitely worth it.
But if you made one attempt, another, a third one, and there is still no reciprocity, it is best to stop it and move on.
How to survive?
How to stop suffering from unrequited love? This is a very serious question, deciding which, many rediscover life for themselves. If you want to stop your suffering from unrequited love, then listen to the following tips:
- Show self-esteem. Why do you allow someone to wipe their feet on themselves? Stop chasing the person, overwhelm his confessions. Tell him about your feelings and wait for an answer. If it turns out that your love is unrequited, you can make a couple more attempts, but if they failed, treat yourself with respect, stop it. Do not dissolve in a person and do not let him manipulate your feelings.
Educate yourself. Being captured by unrequited feelings is quite difficult. And during this time you will have to educate yourself more actively. Because otherwise, you just break down and get depressed. Therefore, work on your personality - this will allow you to more clearly look at the picture.- Evolve. It is impossible to forget unrequited love, if you constantly sit in four walls, view photos and languidly sigh.
Get out on the street, walk in the park, go to the coffee shop. Meet your friends, they will surely help you to distract from suffering.
You can even watch a movie or read a book - they will give you new impressions and help weaken unrequited love.
- Find a hobby. Let it be something that captures you. Then you will not notice how to switch from the desired object of your sympathy to your hobby.
Educate yourself. Being captured by unrequited feelings is quite difficult. And during this time you will have to educate yourself more actively. Because otherwise, you just break down and get depressed. Therefore, work on your personality - this will allow you to more clearly look at the picture.How to get rid of unrequited love? Psychologist and expert advice:
Psychology tips
I love him, but he doesn't have me: what to do?
How to get rid of unrequited love for a guy? Suffer from undivided feelings for a young man? Here are some tips on how to get rid of this addiction:
Instill yourself the opposite. Girls are especially prone to self-hypnosis. And if you try to prove to yourself that a person is indifferent to you or even causes hatred, then soon you will really believe it. So from the old feelings will not remain a trace.- Try something new. Change the situation, go to an unfamiliar city for a couple of days, start practicing yoga. Fresh impressions will have a beneficial effect on you.
- Concentrate on the shortcomings. Any person has negative character traits.
So stop idolizing the object of your voices and begin to analyze its shortcomings. This will help to dispel the ideal image that you have come up with.
- Go on a date. Try to redirect your love to someone else. Maybe here feelings will be mutual and you will have to wait for a happy relationship and a bright future together?
Instill yourself the opposite. Girls are especially prone to self-hypnosis. And if you try to prove to yourself that a person is indifferent to you or even causes hatred, then soon you will really believe it. So from the old feelings will not remain a trace.How to cope with an unrequited love for a girl?
Fell in love with a girl, but she did not reciprocate? What to do in this situation?
- Admit to yourself that your feelings have been rejected. If you indulge yourself with unwarranted hopes, then you will get out of the captivity of unrequited love very soon.
Analyze yourself. Why did such a situation arise at all? Why did you refuse, but you still continue to suffer for this girl? Delving into yourself, you can find answers to many questions that will facilitate your struggle with the rupture of love dependence.- Understand that it is time to finish. The more you maintain this feeling, the longer you dissolve in a person, the worse your mental state will be. Find the strength to admit that this cannot continue.
- Take a break. Take care of something, find a hobby or hobby. Embroider a cross, draw, read. Do whatever you want in order not to think about the object of your feelings.
Analyze yourself. Why did such a situation arise at all? Why did you refuse, but you still continue to suffer for this girl? Delving into yourself, you can find answers to many questions that will facilitate your struggle with the rupture of love dependence.How to live on?
Living with unrequited love is very difficult. There is a void in your heart and it seems that only this person can fill it. But actually it is not.
First of all, you need to recognize yourself that you are in the shackles of unrequited love. She enslaved you and regularly exhausts.
Try to get distracted or change the situation. Do not delve into yourself all day, trying to understand what is wrong with you and why he does not love you. Open for changes. Introduce something new or change it drastically.
And in general, begin to live already, and not to exist in the shadow of this person. Look for new emotions and impressions, expand your social circle.
Try to make sure that you have no free time left. Dedicate his work or hobbies.
Switching to another activity helps to forget unrequited feelings.
Ask for help. Your friends or relatives can help you deal with this problem.
But if you feel that the situation is out of control, do not be afraid to consult a psychologist. A specialist will help you understand the problem and fix it.
Books
Artworks about unhappy love:
- M. Mitchell "Gone With the Wind";
- V. Nabokov "Lolita";
- G.G. Marquez, “Love in the Time of the Plague”;
- J. Fowles "Collector";
- E. Bronte "Wuthering Pass".
According to psychology:
- I. Yalom "Treatment for love and other psychotherapeutic novels";
- Dean C. Delice, K. Phillips. "The paradox of passion: she loves him, and he does not have it.";
- I. Korchagin "How to survive unhappy love";
- M. Litvak "4 types of love";
- Leil Lowndes “How to fall in love with anyone. A short theoretical course and the most complete practical guide to the psychology of romantic love. "
Unrequited love is not the most pleasant feeling often destructive personwho suffers from it. But with him you can and even need to fight.
Non-reciprocal love: what to do? The main mistakes in the situation of unrequited love:
