I am the mother of two wonderful children: the daughters of Veronica and the son George. The difference in age between my pupsies is three years, which means that they can play with each other quite for themselves. During the first pregnancy, when I wore a daughter under my heart, I read a lot of literature, and I was 300% sure that I could cope with the problem of raising a child without punishment and screams easily and naturally. However, life has put everything in its place.
Mom's nervous and she's tired
There were different situations when it was necessary to shout. For example, my child climbs to the burning fireplace. And I'm at the other end of the room. Nika! - I scream. And the baby turns on a loud sound, fingers are intact, without burns.
Everything is clear here. By my behavior, I protected my daughter from harm. But, to be honest, I shouted not only in such cases, but also when:
- the child refused to eat or eat;
- did not want to wear this or that clothes;
- scattered toys all over the room;
- did not show a desire to go to the garden, etc.
And then I screamed! Fortunately, my voice is loud, it turned out well, only the result was almost zero, and sometimes Veronica started yelling after her, smoothly turning into crying. And I tried to justify my behavior by becoming overly nervous and, in general, I was tired.
A cry is a sign of helplessness
I read about this in a smart magazine, and thought about what is really: we start screaming precisely when we cannot deal with the problem by other methods. And the luck factor also works: if there are people nearby who are able to react to shouting by obedience, we have a habit of yelling. Well, when there are those who do not respond to the cry, then you will not be foolish to expose yourself.
And so I began to educate myself! Yes, yes, it was myself, not my daughter. I tried to keep myself in my hands when I was about to switch to a scream, I fell silent and started counting in my mind until 20. It helped. It is also interesting that the daughter reacted so unconventionally to my behavior: she, too, fell silent and looked at me, how it would all end. Gradually, it all came down to the fact that I didn’t shout control of the situation, but tried to approach the child and quietly say that I wasn’t satisfied.
The choice is the best of the methods of education
It’s no secret that very often children start their whims when they don’t like something. For example, a blouse in which you need to go to the kindergarten or what your mother prepared for dinner.
I began to present everything in a variable form, that is, giving the child the right to choose. Not one blouse, but two lay on the back of the sofa, and the daughter chooses. Then she will not tell me that something is wrong with her: she herself has chosen. What will we cook for dinner: cheese cakes or milk oatmeal? What chose, then you will eat.
Naturally, it is not always possible to provide this choice, but in most cases this method worked, and the child had no reason for whims, and the mother did not need to shout or punish the naughty baby.
Punishment is a must!
But not physically! If a child has committed a misdemeanor, and with my lady it was most often a lie in the most sophisticated form, it is imperative to talk about whether the daughter did not do well, and then punish. How? There are plenty of options: deprive a computer, do not give pocket money for several days, appoint kitchen cleanliness on duty, etc.
Important: punishment is also offered in the form of choice.
Frankly, it is so convenient that the child himself is determined in many matters, then you are not responsible. Of course, in some important matters the decision is up to the parents, but in simpler situations, why not let the child show his “I” even in the matter of the choice of punishment.
P.S. No matter how trite it may sound, but parents themselves must be an example of the behavior of their child. Therefore, we educate ourselves, dear adults, and it is extremely rare to have to shout and punish your children.
