Dependence on love
It is customary to raise the problem of dependence in crisis situations: family life collapses, money "goes down the drain", an incurable disease catches up. But when the question of relations arises, many people are surprised at this innocent dependence. How can addiction arise in human relationships? After all, everyone has his own outlook on life, values, preferences. So it turns out that the eternal feeling of love turns into a heavy anchor, not allowing the ship to move forward.
Love and inner world
When we love, we do not love a person, but our love! And the person to whom the bright feeling is addressed remains a mystery. Therefore, it is wiser to speak not of dependence on another, but of dependence on one's own feeling. When a child is encouraged for good deeds and blamed for bad things, he gradually becomes a “half-hearted person.” In a more mature age, when he encounters another “half-hearted personality” with the opposite pole, a person acquires his integrity only in contact with another. This forms the dependence on the other. The union of two “half-hearted personalities” is a complementary union. If a man thinks excessively rationally, then the woman reacts emotionally.
See also: How to get rid of love addiction?
What will happen to a person when she becomes absolutely self-sufficient?
It is impossible to take away qualities that are missing from another person. Why learn new things if the complementary partnet covers weaknesses? If, due to strong stress, one of the partners starts to develop rapidly, then there is a risk of a split. Personal growth of one partner should be correlated with the second half. A sudden feeling of self-sufficiency often leads to loneliness. A strong union of two self-sufficient personalities is a rare exception to the general trend.
In which branches of life is dependence most often manifested?
An addicted person is dependent on everything. Sometimes it may seem that a person is experiencing uncontrollable love, but a frank dialogue can lead to the real essence: economic dependence or the desire for social independence. And on the surface it may seem that this is just crazy love. Compared to other addictions, the love inseparable relationship can manifest itself specifically.
Manifestations of love addiction:
- dedication of all free time to the subject of love, which destroys business relationships;
- emotional impoverishment of life;
- stagnation in personal and professional development;
- depression, suffering and degradation of values;
- deep suffering in the disappearance of the object of love;
- "no one is happy anymore, except as a loved one next to";
- Sudden occurrence of boredom, when lovers stay close for a long time;
- repetitive thoughts: "I am not", "who am I?", "how to live further?".
Compensation love dependence
Thirst for life in the social environment activates unconscious mechanisms to compensate for malicious dependence. It may seem from the outside that the person is just enjoying life and developing continuously. But the real motives are hiding deeper.
Manifestations of successful compensation depending on love:
- learn to live without each other, but continue to love;
- gain new impressions on the side and share them with a loved one;
- to increase their own self-esteem in dyadic relationships;
- be aware of their own value for a partner;
- learn to love yourself
If one partner can successfully compensate for his dependence, the second one often continues to suffer. For especially "unfortunate" dependent there are various ways of self-support.
Forms of self-support with love addiction:
- search for a favorite cause that will support vitality and high emotional tone;
- caring for the body, not for the sake of love, but for the sensation of physical strength;
- Banal good nutrition.
An insanely in love person may think that any love is an addiction. But it is not so! "Normal" love is accompanied by freedom of choice, happiness and pleasure. This is not a union of two flawed “half-hearted personalities”, but two unique individuals.
