Friendship is not a union of peers and not a company of like-minded people, but a psychological interaction, in which each friend maintains his individuality.
And if the question arises, why i don't have real friendsthen the reason should be sought only in oneself. This means that the need for this has disappeared, although a person may not be aware of this.
The concept of friendship and its types
According to psychological research friendship based on empathy.
This is the ability to understand the neighbor, to delve into his inner world, to empathize.
Types of friendship:
- Spiritual friendship implies the addition of one to the other. Admiration of the one who appreciates you makes it possible to feel recognition. At the same time, a friend notes features that he does not possess, and values precisely those qualities that are not characteristic of him.
- Creative friendship is the union of two individuals. In addition, one person complements the personality of the other, giving it completeness.
- Everyday Friendship is tied to a place - study, home, work. This kind of relationship develops only where friends communicate constantly, ask for help, attend cultural events. The reason for the meeting is by itself.
- Family friendship seems fresh, devoid of creative spark. The difference of this type of friendship from others is that a friend becomes significant for the whole family, and not just for its individual member.
Advantages and disadvantages
The main plus of friendship is the satisfaction of the need for communication. In addition, friendship provides an opportunity to express what “boiled” on the soul.
However, this friendship is not limited to the presence of one friend, because no universal people.
Mutual aid - this is another plus. You can take money from a friend to paycheck, ask for some thing to use for a while, exchange books and movies. At first glance, all these are little things in life, but they help in personal development.
Some of the disadvantages of friendship include concept of duty.
People consider themselves obliged to listen, to help in trouble, even if they have their full worries.
Then communication starts. Maybe for this reason, some tend to have only one best friend.
There are, unfortunately, fake friends. They may not have any material interest: they just need to spend time somewhere.
The disadvantages of friendship include the possibility of disappointment that happens to be very painful. When a friend is like the second half, certain actions are expected of him that may not coincide with the expected ones.
Rarely, but there are people who have no friends and no need for them. This is within the normal range if it does not turn into a complete disregard for contact with people.
Abandon friendship and be alone? Is it real? And is there any benefit to this? On the pros and cons of friendship in this video:
Is it possible to live without it?
As recognized by people who have no friends, they themselves do not suffer from it. If the personality is sufficiently developed, the person will always find what to occupy at his leisure.
However, people who spend time on the Internet may experience going into virtual reality, which is not good for the psyche.
Constant finding in own thoughts and experiences tires. Therefore appears sense of emptiness, self-fatigue. Man is a social being. Therefore, the need for communication is natural, but isolation is a deviation from the norm.
The guy has no friends: what can be said about a person who does not have friends? Lonely man Generally such people are neutral in society: do not attract special attention, do not bother with advice, but we do not experience vivid emotions towards them. But it is their choice, for which no one has the right to condemn them and impose themselves as friends.
The reasons lie in age?
The reasons for which people have no friends also depend on age factors.
For example, adolescents are rejected by their peers, or they simply do not notice.
Reject those who does not fit into the company looks or behaves "like a white crow." Then you need to pay attention to the teenager's appearance, to accustom to accuracy and to develop self-confidence.
Remain invisible quiet shy teens. They are all right, they just can not bring anything new to the team. Simply put, they do not cause either positive or negative emotions. From a psychological point of view, you need to work with shyness, to overcome it in yourself.
Hyper-Pharmacy on the part of the parents does not contribute to the expansion of the child’s social circle. On the contrary, he may become aggressive or withdraw into himself.
Constant criticism awakens a feeling of insecurity, as well as depending on the opinions of others.
Help rejected child
How to help an outsider child? Parental support is important.but to really help, they must take three simple steps:
- provide emotional support;
- identify possible causes of what is happening;
- develop skills to help resolve the situation.
Adult sees causes and effects more clearly, therefore, he is able to clarify for a teenager what his behavior leads to rejection in the team.
Then it should be established: what provokes the negative attitude of other children. Motives can be very different: envy, nationalist ideas borrowed from adults, the response.
Share with child (son or daughter) own difficulties at his age and how you can handle them. And finally, you need to show a teenager his advantages, the strengths of his personality, which increase self-esteem.
Transfer to another class does not solve the problem, because the child will come there with the same behavior pattern. Therefore, it is important to change the inner essence.
Possible reasons for the outsider:
- significant differences between the adolescent and the environment in the cultural, social and national spheres;
- low self-esteem and constant expectation of peer approval;
- poor communication skills;
- the victim’s behavior in the event that violence was previously applied to the child;
- restrained behavior when a teenager is forced to hide his emotions for fear of condemnation of adults, which, of course, causes ridicule.
5 steps to adapt to the team:
- Step 1. Active communication with other children, entering into a dialogue.
- Step 2. Organization of communication outside of school, but with the manifestation of the initiative of a teenager, so that other children feel his leadership.
- Step 3. To learn how to manage emotions, that is, in response to respond adequately to the words or actions of the offender.
- Step 4. Maintain personal boundaries in communication, respecting yourself and other children.
- Step 5. Create emotional contact and openly express your emotions.
Daughter can not find friends in class. What to do? Psychologist tips:
Why do not have spouses friends?
Creating a family, of course, affects the social circle.
Friends either become “shared” or disappear altogether.
The reason lies in the change of priorities, that is, family problems come first, pushing friendships to the background.
Especially often this trouble befalls a young mother. And she starts to complain: "I have no friends at all." The fact is that girlfriends life has not changed: they actively go to dance, to the cinema, and just drink coffee in a cafe. And mom has a lot of household choresand she always has no time.
The reason for the absence of friends with her husband may be hidden in his concerns, employment and concern for the family. Simply, he begins to go less often to the bathhouse, to attend the sports section, which does not go unnoticed by his former comrades.
What to do family? You can make friends with couples, attending thematic events, trainingsconcerning just married and married.
Housekeeping circles are also suitable for young mothers. Fitness or active sports, such as skiing, will help not only to keep yourself in shape, but also to make acquaintances.
The reasons for the lack of friends in an adult
A person can have a family and a job, but suddenly realize that he has no friends left. You should not fall into a panic, as there are quite a few adults in this situation. Noticed that after 30 years making new friends is not easyas in 20 years.
The man begins to look for reasons and think about career, family and lack of time that interfere with friendship.
In fact, the main reason is that priorities change.
Friends in our lives are not so significant.
According to a study by the Families Work Institute, many people have 90 minutes a daythat can spend at your own discretion. And 29% of women have only 45 minutes free time, which, of course, is very little for finding new girlfriends.
Why are there no friends at 30? The answer to this question contains 2 points:
- an adult can survive without friends;
- having friends is not a necessity.
In childhood and adolescence friendship promotes social and personal growth. Friends show us how we differ from them and who we really are. This helps in the end to solve social problems - in school and in the circle of loved ones.
Of course, the reasons for making friends, children do not particularly think and begin to make friends even because they sit at the same desk.
However, this is not enough for an adult, that is, there are other friend selection criteria. This is explained by the fact that the personality is formed, and therefore even the same problems are not able to maintain a long relationship.
Adult people are able to communicate for a long time on some common topics of interest to them, share their troubles, and then stop the relationship and not greet them at all. Why is this happening?
The New York Times published material on the subject. lack of friends during the middle age crisis.
Having reached the middle of life, a person rethinks his values and is no longer so busy exploring the environment as he was in his younger years.
Besides, criticality of thinking increasesthat affects relationships with friends. A person begins to look closely at others, as a result of which a mass of “good friends” appears, but there is a lack of warm and trusting relationships.
On the one hand, it’s good that adults retain their personal space. But in other way this barrier does not allow carefree timeas in childhood and adolescence.
Laura L. Carstensen, a professor of psychology at Stanford, conducted a study and found out that the more mature people are, the less they want to make friends. But there is also a positive moment - with age people become closer to old friends.
The reason for this, according to the professor, lies in the fact that the natural hours of the personality mark significant moments in life. In this way, “stop” signal comes to consciousness.
This is a sign that it’s time to stop at 30 years of age, stop searching in life, and do what is available here and now.
Why no friends? Find out from the video:
Difficulty in communicating when moving to another city
When moving, old connections are lost, and the person who changed his place of residence, feels keen loneliness. This state can be prolonged if not to take measures aimed at finding friends.
Changing the place of residence, you need to show interest in the language, culture and history of the local population.
Interest will undoubtedly evoke a response, and an active person, learning everything new, will not go unnoticed.
Maybe it is worth looking at the new place of employment?
There are worthy people in the new team, and if you take part in them, then they will also be drawn to the conversation. Invite to a cup of tea at dinner - an easy way to meet at work, especially in a large team.
To lead a pet is an excellent solution to break the deadlock, called solitude. Firstly, it will be easier on the soul. Secondly, there will quickly be a company of animal lovers with whom you can start a relationship.
Moved and no friends in the new country: what to do about it? Find out from the video:
What to do in case of total loneliness?
Realizing the problem, you can already think about how to deal with it. First of all, you need to have a desire to make a friend or girlfriend, and then develop a plan of action.
Psychologists recommend the following steps:
- Step 1. Diversify your social circle, that is, strive to places where different people gather. Then increases the chance to find a friend completely unexpectedly - on the occasion.
- Step 2. Attend subject meetings. These can be hobby groups, groups in social networks, creative teams.
- Step 3. Need to travel as much as possible. It also contributes to the expansion of communication and unplanned meetings.
- Step 4. Get a dogto walk her and communicate with the same owners of animals. Animals involuntarily require motor activity, which is associated with social activities.
- Step 5. Do not "get hung up" on the fact that there are no friends and do not worry. It is better to devote this time to personal growth: do your favorite hobby, self-development. Then a friend can be found on the principle of similarity, if passionate about the same occupation.
Tips are suitable for adults and adolescents who have communication problems.
However, it should be understood that even the closest communication will not help strengthen relationshipsif there is no spiritual warmth.
You can follow the principles of Dale Carnegie, carefully listen to the interlocutor, to complain about their problems, but then go in different directions.
Friendly communication is different in that people are constantly drawn to each other, they are not strained by the moments spent together, and understanding is silent.
Departure from stereotypes is always useful if it does not harm others. Therefore, do not think that making new friends is very difficult, because they simply will not start.
The plus of informed choice and the desire to have a friend is that then relationships become more valuable than in their youth, when companies are formed quite spontaneously.
Thus, in adulthood a person gets more pleasure from friendly gatherings and conversations that improves the quality of life.
What if lonely and no friends at all? How to find a friend? Useful recommendations:
