My mother-in-law hates me: ways to overcome conflict

Enmity between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not such a rare thing. Often, such conflicts are born against the background of elementary misunderstanding, and only finding out the underlying cause of the conflict can fix the problem. So, why are daughters-in-law and mother-in-law most often hostile, and how can deep conflict be eliminated?

The most common causes of quarrels between the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law

My mother-in-law hates me very much, and I don’t know what to do with this - many women turn to this psychologist with such a problem. Having entered into marriage, they do not realize that they will have to not only maintain an alliance with their beloved, but also fight against the prejudices of their mother-in-law.

The most common cause of conflict between two women is an elementary division of power. A young wife wants to build a life in the house according to her own vision, but the mother-in-law has completely different ideas about how her son should live. As a result, ladies again and again collide with interests, which results in enmity.

What other reasons stimulate the development of the conflict?

Jealousy of the mother, who lost the attention of his son.
Inappropriate behavior of the daughter in the past or present, which causes conflict.
Women may not have the same views on the upbringing of children in the family.
If a man’s marriage is not the first, the mother-in-law can be positively disposed towards the first daughter-in-law, refusing to accept the second.
Conflict may be associated with the desire of the girl to devote himself to a career, rather than building a family relationship.

It is necessary to understand that the mother-in-law always thinks about his son first of all. She will take his side in conflict, will by any means try to make a man happy.

It is especially difficult to develop relationships with those mothers who are used to taking care of their sons from an early age and refuse to accept them. Like adults. Independent men. In this case, the desire of the wife to protect the spouse from the excessive influence of the mother will result only in serious and protracted conflicts of relatives.

Psychologists in such situations advise women to try to resolve the conflict at the negotiating table on their own. Connect a third party, that is, a man, you need only in the most extreme cases, when other ways to overcome the conflict.

Ways to overcome the conflict

If the mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law, then the situation should not be ignored and the brakes should be lowered, as the conflict will progress over time. Usually, experts advise to frankly communicate with the mother-in-law, to identify the cause of the claims, and after that say your opinion.

There are many ways to overcome conflicts, and here are just the most effective ones:

try not to lose your temper, not to quarrel or shout;
try to minimize communication, parting with the mother-in-law in different apartments;
try to listen to the claims of the mother-in-law, because they certainly can be objective;
spend time with your mother-in-law, go on vacation together and try to get to know her better;
more often please a relative with gifts and pleasant words;
find common topics or interests that can be discussed so as not to stoop to conflicts.

Most often those women who live together quarrel. Two mistresses in the same kitchen get along disastrously difficult. That is why if a girl lives with her husband's mother, she is doomed to constantly listen to her claims.

If the mother-in-law hates a relative and after that, you should bring her to a solitary conversation. During the conversation, without shouting and mutual claims, it is recommended to clarify the situation. Once women understand why they do not like each other, they will be able to get away from disputes and reconcile with kinship.

Also, psychologists advise young wives to learn to look at the mother-in-law, like an ordinary woman. She has her own views on life, interests, desires. Try to become a friend for the mother-in-law, sign up for a visit to a dance school, go to the theater. The more women have joint memories, the easier it will eventually develop their relationship.

If women can not find a common language on their own, you should contact a family psychologist. It will help get rid of differences, to find the long-awaited balance.

Should I connect to the solution of the conflict a man

Anyway, quarrels between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law occur because of one man. Husband and son - to combine these two duties, so much so that everyone is satisfied, is disastrously difficult. That is why two ladies in the same family so often quarrel, they simply do not have enough attention.

However, this does not mean that a representative of the stronger sex should be involved in this conflict. It is recommended to do this only in the most extreme cases, when there is simply no other option. In what cases can a husband help a daughter in law?

If the mother-in-law is biased to his wife and for several years makes many claims to her.
If the mother-in-law often abuses alcohol or drugs, then it is necessary to fight against her inappropriate behavior together.
If the mother-in-law sets up grandchildren against the mother.

Thus, it becomes clear that it is necessary to involve a husband or in the most extreme cases. Why is this so important? The fact is that it is difficult for a man to take anyone's side in this conflict. Feud between mother and wife adversely affects his character and mood.

In addition, if the wife tries to contact her spouse, the mother-in-law may think that the relative is turning her son against her. As a result, the conflict will only escalate, completely spoiling the relationship between the two ladies.

It is necessary to ask for help to her husband only if the girl is absolutely sure that she is right. It is necessary to weigh in advance all the pros and cons, try to objectively approach the criticism. It is possible that the initiator or the culprit of the conflict is the daughter-in-law herself. Her jealousy or envy of her mother-in-law creates problems in the relationship. Turning to her husband, a woman would only blacken her mother-in-law's reputation, making herself not in the best light.

The consequences of the protracted conflict of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

Many women assume that a conflict with the mother-in-law will not have any serious consequences. In their opinion, many ladies do not manage to find a common language with their chosen one’s mother. However, in fact, quarrels negatively affect the atmosphere in the house.

Here are some of the consequences that can be encountered during long quarrels with her husband's mother:

the relationship with the husband will worsen, as the elect is unlikely to be able to refuse to meet with his mother;
children will constantly suffer from the negative reigning between mother and grandmother;
the daughter-in-law will face a lack of family support, because the mother-in-law can turn all other relatives against her;
conflict will result in unnecessary experiences for both.

Perhaps the worst consequence of this conflict is the destruction of the family. It will be difficult for a woman to intersect with her mother-in-law, and someday she will issue an ultimatum to her husband. Since the spouse cannot refuse to communicate with the mother, the situation will turn into a divorce. The stress in the family always affects the heirs. Mother and grandmother can take turns turning children against each other, and absolutely unconsciously. As a result, the baby will grow up with a misconception about family relationships.

Another serious consequence is constant experience. The mother-in-law will continue to say that the daughter-in-law does not cook well, does not care enough for her husband and devotes little time to him. This can turn into complexes, tantrums. As a result, family relationships will be strained all the time.

In order to have good relations with the mother-in-law, you need to constantly work on them. A girl should occasionally give her relative a relative, be interested in her opinion. The mother of the man should also praise the daughter-in-law, try to see her virtues, ignore minor flaws. In this case, gradually women will be able to understand how lucky they are with each other. There are cases when mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are absolutely inadequate, and therefore they cannot get along a priori, but this is rather an exception to the rules.

It’s hard for two women to get along, but it’s quite possible. And the conflicts that arose at the very beginning, can in no way affect the future friendship. All people are not perfect, but with mutual desire, the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law have a chance to become a family.

Evgenia, Gelendzhik