Resentment - a feeling that everyone experiences sooner or later. For some, it becomes a motivation to change, and someone eats, forcing every time to live unpleasant events. One way or another, this feeling destroys us over time. But how to stop being offended if the emotional wound is very deep? We will tell you what the danger of secret resentment is and how to learn to forgive.
What is offended
Being offended is a natural reaction of a person, arising in combination with such emotions as anger and grief. Anger, feeling of unjust insult are caused in relation to the offender, accompanied by the emotion of offense. Psychologists believe that it arises as a result of unwarranted hopes and expectations. But the expectations and the notion of “how correctly” are individual, which means that an insult is not always justified.
The root of the problem lies in false expectations and that the feeling of resentment arises consciously, that is, it is caused by a person on purpose. So, it is up to us to decide whether to be offended by something or not.
Negative emotions experienced in distress, affect mental health: increase irritation, cause psychological clips, complexes, provoke negative thinking. How to cope with the insult, make the world easier for themselves and others, read on.
Where insults come from
To understand how to get rid of the offense, you need, first, to understand the root of its occurrence. There are several reasons:
Childhood injuries
Almost all psychological problems of a person, complexes, insecurity conceal their essence in childhood traumas. The psyche of the child is very unstable, as soon as it is being formed, therefore each ill-advised word can hurt deeply. It is important to deal with children's insults, and not to carry this burden all my life.
They arise among those who spend little time, or, on the contrary, whose whims are constantly indulged. Then the child understands that you can achieve everything through pouting lips.
At older ages, children are very offended if adults treat them unfairly or do not fulfill promises.
A blow to the vanity.
Resentment appears when trust is undermined, there is a feeling of betrayal. Hoping for someone's words, we trust people and expect proper feedback, but we do not always receive it. By exposing our feelings, we are not ready to strike.
High expectations
When events develop not in such a way as we imagine. The opinion that people perceive the world and act like we do is wrong. Attempts to rebuild people "by themselves" and impose their values are a sign of egoism, which are unlikely to be crowned with success.
Unexpressed feelings
Resentment - a cluster of anger, anger, sadness, misunderstanding and other unexpressed emotions. Restraining anger in a quarrel, not expressing dissatisfaction, not expressing anger, we try not to spoil relations with people, but in this turn we keep all the negative in ourselves. The result is a cumulative resentment that will sooner or later make itself felt.
Prevent offense in 3 steps
Instead of carrying grief and thinking how to take revenge on the person who offended you, it is better to take care of how to prevent such emotions from appearing at all.
Remove the mask. To stop accumulating negativity, it's time to learn to express emotions "here and now." Do not be afraid to express feelings and say what is really on your mind. A person needs to release the negative in the same way as in expressing positive emotions. It is important to remember that it is better to express an opinion now than to throw out a bunch of accumulated emotions later.
Accept people as they are. Without overestimating the expectations and not leveling others for yourself, you can get rid of unnecessary disappointments and save yourself from unwanted resentment. It is necessary to understand that people are not obliged to give us what we require of them.
Take things easier. Insult - the cause of each in the truest sense of the word. If you do not spend time on the unpleasant looping and just let go of everything that hurts us, then it can be prevented. The sooner get rid of useless emotion, the easier it will be to live.
How to cope with the insult: 5 receptions
Self pity.
Resentment arises when we consider ourselves a victim of the situation, we regret ourselves and hope for repentance from the offender.
How not to be offended if hurt for a living? We try to show with such an emotion that this or that event was unpleasant, but in more cases of offenders, this behavior is annoying and can lead to an even greater altercation. Protecting from the outside world walls of grief do not achieve a good result.
Decision. The best solution would be to make it clear to the person that he had somehow hurt feelings or caused unpleasant emotions. Speaking of dissatisfaction, one can avoid misunderstandings in the future.
Inability to hear each other.
The non-acceptance of the point of view of the people around can lead to a clash of views, a quarrel, an understatement.
Decision. To take into account the opinions of other people, to be aware that no one is obliged to fulfill all our whims. It’s time not to expect the desired from people, but to look for means of achieving your goals on your own. Always listen to other people's thoughts and know that many important mistakes have their justification. Then why offense?
The accumulation of emotions.
When it is hard to say what exactly offense, but the "sediment" does not pass.
Decision. How to get rid of resentment? - share unspoken emotions with friends, family, write in a diary, that is, to express feelings. An even better solution would be to let yourself cool down, find time and analyze the situation that caused such emotions, perhaps draw conclusions.
Obsessed with negative.
When the black stripe in life does not stop for a long time, then any unpleasant trifle causes anger, dislike. Negative emotions like a snowball roll one on one, a person does not see the good, everything seems to him unfair to himself.
Decision. Pay more attention to yourself, more often arrange recreation and work breaks. Replenish your life with positive emotions: laugh, discover good luck, learn to rejoice in trifles. It is necessary to learn how to distribute life priorities: to understand which things are important, and which even do not make sense to pay attention, treat the world respectfully and with a smile and always remember the words of Socrates, who said: "My enemies can kill me, but offend ".
Inability to "solve" the problem yourself
This can lead to complete confusion and cause depression. When the hands go down and you can't figure it out yourself, it's time to ask for help.
Decision. A trip to a psychologist will help to look at the problem from a more professional point of view, to understand the most difficult offenses, to make an individual “treatment” scheme.
Resentment - that torments and aggravates. To get rid of such negative emotions, you need not to raise your expectations, to reckon with the opinions of others and remember: "when you do not expect anything, you will not be mistaken in the result obtained." If you take things easier and be able to set priorities, you can prevent it altogether. And if the question is how to stop being offended, the answer is on the surface: not to make deliberate conclusions, analyze your own actions, and fill your world with positive things.
