Popular psychology made narcissism a word, associated exclusively with narcissism.
Is this symptom safe in reality? What are the characteristics of perverted narcissism?
Contrary to popular belief, narcissism - severe personality disorder.
At the same time, the content is widespread: according to various studies, 1-7% of people on earth suffer from this symptom. But those who are close to them suffer even more. And that's why.
Textbook manifestations of narcissism - narcissism, aggression and arrogance to others, self-exaltation and narcissism. Obviously, the disease affects the lives of others.
However, even among the varieties of narcissism, one of them occupies a special place - perverted narcissism. What is it and what is its feature?
Who is the perverted daffodil?
Unlike classic daffodils, perverts do not choose as victims weak and non-psychological people.
The main source of their narcissism - strong, bright confident personality.
In short, those whose energy you can really profit. The main difference between perverse daffodils is the ability to turn the situation upside down, while aiming to make the other person guilty.
Since its goal, consciously or not, perverted daffodil has an elevation of its own self-esteem, it is very difficult to break off relations with such a person, remaining at his own.
Therefore, to identify such a devourer of resources must be able to advance.
How to recognize it?
Contrary to the laws of popular psychology, only others can diagnose ourselves and others. However, highlight signs with most likely pointing to perverted daffodil, you can own.
What are they?
- Exclusively negative remarks about people, time spent by ex-relatives (ex, friends, colleagues in past jobs).
- Permanent shifting the blame on other people.
- When approaching the introduction to the state constant voltage (condition “what else will he throw out now”)?
- Desire to extremely fast approaching.
- Special prudence in terms of other people's emotions. Narcissus can tell you for a long time how beautifully he punished someone, made him hysterical, or put him in his place.
Female version
When in the US they verified the testimony of witnesses of the same robberies, the investigators came to an interesting conclusion: women always remembered the signs of the robber better, while the men described in more detail the course of what was happening.
Perhaps in this lies fundamental difference in the perception of reality: Women by nature are more focused on people, not on objects and phenomena.
Every woman is a little manipulator. In any case, a little better manipulator than a man.
In a relationship, such a woman is not easy will not let forget about yourself. It will remind you of yourself every minute - if not by actions, then by their consequences.
You will immediately find yourself guilty of everything and everything must.
The most interesting thing is that you yourself will begin to believe in it. Even get used to living with guilt.
And although you’ll rather become her property, you’ll feel the loss of her feeling especially hard.
Once again: in front of you cunning manipulatorwho will take everything from you.
Male version
Man - Perverted Daffodil dangerous even more. Men are less likely to be manipulators. Perhaps that is why they are the most skilled manipulators.
The classic percussion daffodil is a real graduate of the Pikaper courses.
First, he throws attention and giftsby introducing you to real emotional ecstasy. Then he abruptly pretends to lose interest. Then again gives hope. In this case, the last stage - cutting. From now on, you're on his emotional hook. Now you are in his power.
The further, the worse you will lose it. Especially considering how ideal and enviable it looks to you and to those around you. You will pay a higher price for being around. And this price will continue to grow.
Who are his victims?
Each of us at least once was a victim of the manipulator.
Did we understand at that moment that we were being manipulated?
Hardly. From the effects of perverted daffodils practically nobody is insured.
More often than others, they become people with a large wealth of resources, but a weak willingness to protect them.
Typical example - just good guys with a Ph.D. who, because of their inability to communicate with people, receive less from life than they could. But narcissi will get everything from these guys.
Relationship Features
The most characteristic feature of relationships with such a person is impermanence of emotions. And “at the bottom” of the emotional field, you will spend much more time than at the top.
How do perverse daffodils relate to the fact that a woman cries? Did your young man make you cry? Instead of supporting, he will suck all the juices out of you.. Make it clear: you are to blame yourself. And in that he made you cry, and in that crying.
Sometimes, for the sake of love for great art, he may feel sorry for you (in order to return with interest the next time).
Parting daffodils love harsh and ruthless. Of course, he will not leave you by phone or text message. He will arrange a meeting where he will lead you to emotions, and the cherished will say at the peak of this. And then, moving away, will continue to observe how you suffer.
Are perverted daffodils returning or are they “defectors”? Yes, of course. There are usually two reasons for this: all the same love for great art or the realization that in your well of resources there is still a lot for them.
What is he in love?
Special delicacy of daffodils - build a love triangle with equal sides.
And get resources from both, of course. In males, there may be a whole harem, in females - a whole table in Excel with men eager for them.
The famous game "closer-on" generally one of the basics of manipulation for daffodils. With a love triangle, you can play it endlessly.
Sometimes everything is so obvious that all sides of the triangle understand everything perfectly, but no one says anything. Or he says ... after all, losing a daffodil is even worse.
There is another kind of daffodils. Such instead of a relationship give birth to a harem. Women are not so close emotionally, but their number is impressive.
And everyone wants him, though not as martyred as a partner in a relationship. And the more they do for him, the more they want.
In family
By choosing a victim, daffodils form a family as soon as possible. If there is no opportunity to marry, at least to what they will strive - object physical reach.
Collect daffodils strive at the earliest opportunity. Being in the same territory, you can get much more emotional resources. And the closer the victim, the more it binds itself to its predator.
Like relationships, marriages with daffodils are long and stable, even though they are short and suddenly broken off. Inevitably one thing: throughout the relationship narcissus steadily pumps out resources from the victim.
How to survive a divorce from such a person?
Your most powerful weapon in this situation - awareness.
Most likely, it was his absence at some moments that led to this situation.
You must understand: with daffodil you will never be fine. If he permits it for a while, then only in order to pull the emotional spring even harder.
The following is also important: your children, if they already have, will not be well next to him. At best, children will be for him a social attribute, further elevating his ego.
Narcissus doesn't love anyone but himself. Does not like and can not love by definition.
One of the pillars of its value for you is the amount of resources that you have already invested in it. It’s like a slot machine that players don’t give up even after losing everything. And they do not give up precisely because too much has already been given to him.
Charming and seductive in their youth, over time, many daffodils roll up to alcoholics. What is even more interesting, their victims do not cease to idolize them and are afraid of losing.
Perverse Aggression
The peculiarity of perverse daffodils aggression in ... its absence. You will experience aggression yourself.. In relation to himself, yes.
No matter how good everything is at the beginning, you will soon feel guilty. In that you can not pay enough attention. That you cannot always be near. That you can not replace others. In that ... no matter what. And it doesn't even matter how good you are. There is always a reason to blame.
How do they take revenge? Perverse Daffodil very vindictive. And in words much more than in practice.
His revenge knows how to scare. So much so that you will be ready to agree to any of its conditions.
The question arises, what is better: terrible end or horror without end? It's time to talk about it.
How to beat him?
How to get out of a relationship winner? Once again: your most powerful weapon is knowledge. If you know that you have a perverted daffodil - stop talking to him.
Stop communication impossible? Stop it in the social role that you had. Let him turn from a husband into a roommate, and from a roommate into a neighbor to rent housing.
If there are serious punctures in the picture that the narcissus forms around itself, put it in place is easy. That bubble, which he pumped around himself, exists largely due to his victims, previous and real.
How to get revenge? To you as a loved one much may be known. That tie, which is so praised by your girlfriend, bought with a credit card. What an exotic trip really paid mom.
That everyone thinks he knows Swedish just because there is no one to check it out. Daffodils love to splurge, but how fire is afraid of exposure.
This can also be a great revenge for the time spent, strength, emotions and other resources.
When, after the divorce, yesterday's enviable man remains ridiculed, abandoned and destitute, you will be able to experience time after time the very emotions that he stole from you all these strange years.
Can this be cured?
A perverse narcissist is just the case when they say that "it is easier to buy a new one."
Ask yourself: If you tell your psychopath about the need to treat him, will he go with you to the therapist's office?
If suddenly the answer is positive, then everything is really possible, even if it is painful.
Life stories
***
“A fantastic guy met me at the university. I fell in love immediately. Almost as quickly he liked my girlfriends. He generally liked everyone. It seems the whole university knew him.
Happiness was short lived. I understand this now, looking at the situation from a third person. When did begin constant scandals and reproaches, I still thought that I was happy - anybody, after all, wanted to be in my place.
Not yet received a diploma, I got married. The clouds all thickened, the circle closed, the noose tightened. I supported him both emotionally and almost materially.
To break this umbilical cord, only great luck helped with the work, which allowed us to take a fresh look at both myself and him.
After the divorce, I felt that I had amputated my hands to myself..
Now I only regret that at the age of 20 I did not think with my head. ”
***
“I have never wondered with girls, although I am a handsome guy and, it seems, enviable. The first time I kissed at the prom.
She appeared in my life at the beginning of my career. In parallel, I studied in graduate school. Then it seemed to me that such girls shine only to natural leaders or sons of diplomats.
A month later, we gathered. And then it all started. I was now to blame for everything and should everything. Everything at once, always. Moreover, she herself did not want to meet any requirements.
I lived as a soldier in a war: At any time, day or night, you can wait for new trouble. In such an emotional state, I spent the next year and a half. A sudden interest in other women helped me and a clear head by nature.
Now we don’t even communicate, although she regularly reminds herself about pings. ”
Narcissuses never became a happy, harmonious personality. How to deal with it - the business of the daffodils themselves.
Their victims, first of all, need to look for reasons in themselves, why they are in troubled relationships.
And finally worth taking responsibility for your life, grow up, start to solve their problems, including psychological ones.
Can perverted daffodil change? Can. If he is willing to change. The only way to initiate this is to leave the puppet-master relationship.
Relationships with perverted daffodil:
