From early childhood, parents teach us to speak the whole truth, no matter how unpleasant. And from the point of view of parents, this is true.
After all, adults are responsible for their child and must be aware of all the secrets in order to come to the rescue in time or to prevent a problem. But does the strategy of total honesty work in adulthood?
Why you need to tell the truth: psychology
Sometimes tell the truth very difficult.
And sometimes the bitter truth can break someone else's heart, hurt or push for desperate actions.
But psychologists have several arguments against falsehood:
The threat to mental health
If a person resorts to the well-known “lie for good” reception, he digs a grave to his mental health. Even a small lie will provoke a sense of guilt.
By repentance, fear will also be added that the truth will be revealed, and the deceived person will react to the situation very negatively.
Also, a person who has resorted to a lie will torment himself if deception entails a chain of negative events.
The level of experience will depend on how taboo the lie was in the family. If, as a child, the individual learned that lying is not good, he will be keenly relive their attempt to deceive another.
Negative influence on the choice of behavioral strategy
Any information (false or true) entails certain actions.
And if you tell the person a "salutary" lie, you can lead him astray and push him to the wrong decision.
A good example is the situation when a person, fearing to injure his chosen one, convinces him of his love. At the same time, there are no tender feelings towards the deceived one.
And an honest confession of a deceiver would help an unrequited lover accept an unpleasant fact and move forward towards true love.
But the "sweet" lie prevents people from choosing the right behavioral strategy. Those. a lie determines possible alternatives of behavior, while depriving them of their logical basis.
Refusal to cooperate with others
A lie is self-made the barrier between the deceiver and others.
If a person misleads someone, he subconsciously begins to suspect his friends and acquaintances of similar behavior.
Also if a person is lying to someone, he can't trust the deceived one (even if the victim of saving lies does not resort to such tricks). Introducing the interlocutor in error, a person breaks contact and experiences a negative, which is associated with the deceived.
From a little lie to a big lie
A person will not be able to lie once, and then switch to the "honesty" mode.
His will have to maintain their legendso that others do not guess about deception.
As a result, an innocent or saving lie will grow to an incredible size.
Do you always have to be honest?
A world in which people always tell the truth would be beautiful. But there is not a single personwho could avoid a lie throughout his life.
Sooner or later, circumstances will make, if not literally deceive, then embellish or hold back.
A wise man will not speak the truth in the facewithout thinking about the consequences. He will surely weigh everything and decide how true the truth is and is useful in a particular situation. This will help a few simple questions:
- Can truth be useful in this situation? (if the truth does not correct the situation or aggravate it, honesty automatically becomes an unjustified means).
- How much truth hurts a person (you need to imagine yourself in the place of the one to whom the truth is addressed, and then decide whether a person can recover from an unpleasant discovery).
- Will the truth be tactful (although it may become something like a public penalty, if you choose the wrong time, place and words).
- How stable is your emotional background (you should not make a confession on emotions, rushing in sharp words, because after a while this can be greatly regretted).
When should you not do this?
The truth can be harmful if it is necessary to evaluate the abilities of another person. Is it worth talking someone that he bad draws, terribly plays the violin, disgustingly does business and did not succeed on the chosen path?
On the one hand, a person, having heard the bitter truth, can give up his attempts and ruin the potential at the very beginning. On the other hand, having believed the encouraging deception, he can put all his strength and resources in the wrong direction.
It is worth considering another moment. Sometimes man he prefers to be deceived. He asks a question, secretly hoping to hear a lie.
And some do not seek truth at all, by any means trying to escape from a heart-to-heart talk.
So do some wives, resigned to the betrayal of her husband.
For them lies or ignorance are better.
To abandon sincerity is worth it if the truth leads to panic. Such situations arise in extreme conditions (in case of fire, on a faulty submarine, in conditions of an epidemic, etc.).
Having learned the real state of things, people with unstable mentality can behave unpredictably, harm themselves or others.
Sincerity can be forfeited if a lie gives a person strength. Seeing a serious wound in their child, mothers purposely begin to argue that the cut is completely trivial. As a result, the baby calms down, because he believes in the frivolity of the problem.
And in medical practice, there are often cases when doctors have to to deceive mortally ill patients. Honest sentence will not fix anything, and a sweet lie will give a person hope and the desire to live, will relieve from fear, depression and apathy.
A person who always tells the truth in his eyes: good or bad?
A person who always speaks the truth in the face will not be able to adapt to society.
Modern society is so used to masks and make-believe that it’s just unable to perceive sincerity in large dosages.
Therefore, it is inappropriate to answer the question about the state of affairs in detail and honestly, if the colleague who asked him did not count on sincerity, and was guided by the rules of etiquette.
Applying the elixir of honesty absolutely in any situation can be considered strange, to lose the disposition of others and complicate your life.
And the talk in this situation is not about direct deception. After all, people rarely resort to outright lies (unless the tendency to this is not in the character). The rest of the time they just keep back.
Selective coverage of information helps to comply with the unspoken rules adopted in the community.
Individual supporters of the truth criticize people in the face, pointing out their shortcomings. This behavior is called sincerity. But actually it just rudenessfar from the usual understanding of the truth.
After all, criticism turns into an honest assessment only if the object of criticism itself expressed a desire to hear evaluative comments in its address.
How to learn this?
Learning to tell the truth is not as difficult as it seems.
First you need to realize how illusive and ephemeral benefitsresulting from cheating.
- a lie remains fiction, even if those around it believe it;
- a lie suppresses the potential for achievements, because the admiration of those around them with a made-up story harbors self-love and stifles thirst for accomplishments;
- Sooner or later, others will begin to suspect or reveal a pathological liar;
- a lie makes a person always in tension, maintain a legend and even break ties with those who can refute the veracity of a legend;
- a lie leads to the fact that a person loses a stable connection with reality.
To learn how to tell the truth to others, you need to start small and go on an increasing trajectory.
- Do not lie to yourself. You do not need to look in the mirror to convince yourself that the dress did not fit on the hips, because it was village during the wash. It is better to honestly admit that the buns left an autograph in the form of excess weight and something must be done with this.
Do not justify their failures at work by coincidence, if the only circumstance was laziness.
Honesty begins with such little things.
- Do not make promises if you cannot fulfill them.. Are people inclined to help them against your will?
Do you agree to provide material support without having the resources? Do you agree to go to the exhibition even if there are plans for the evening? So, in the end, you will have to lie, get out and somehow save the situation. - Before you tell the truth, understand the need for this act.. Five minutes ago there were detached and merry thoughts in my head. And now at the arm's length is the interlocutor, who needs to tell the bitter truth. The desire to lie in such a situation will increase dramatically. Therefore, it is better to prepare in advance by preparing a small speech. You should also think about the advantages of the truth (as it will help you and your interlocutor).
Do you agree to provide material support without having the resources? Do you agree to go to the exhibition even if there are plans for the evening? So, in the end, you will have to lie, get out and somehow save the situation.Honesty - This is a great quality that will help to achieve success and the location of others. And the pathological desire to lie will lead to quarrels with close people, distrust of others and unpleasant incidents.
But do not divide the world into black and white. There are situations when a lie is really justified.
And what if you always tell the truth:
