The sister-in-law often has to wonder how to live with the mother-in-law in the same house, and not to quarrel.
Will help in this advice of psychologists.
Life under one roof - psychology
You moved into the house of mother-in-law - and here almost certainly having problems, especially the first time.
- Mother-in-law is on its territory. She feels like the mistress of the house. Here act its rules.
- Mother-in-law got used to a certain rhythm of life, and a young couple breaks the current atmosphere.
- Two hostesses problematic to get on in the same kitchen. Most likely, the mother-in-law will be critical of his sister-in-law. Perhaps she thinks she wants to do good by giving advice, not always realizing that this can annoy the wife of her son.
- Most of the husband's mothers displeased with the daughter-in-law. This is primarily due to jealousy, the fact that the son no longer belongs entirely to her.
- Important skill and desire of both parties compromise.
It often happens that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law try to interfere into a man’s conflict hoping for his support.
He is forced to be between two fires, loving both women, and it is difficult for him to take one side without offending the other.
How to get along in one apartment?
A few simple rules help to make life together easier:
- Understand that you are on its territoryand nothing can be done here.
- Be polite and calm, trying do not provoke a conflict. This does not mean that you must fully comply with its rules, but you must act gradually, thoughtfully, showing tact and patience.
- Separate the space. Let the mother-in-law understand that your room with your husband is a separate zone. Easy explain that you do not like if someone breaks into it without knocking at any time.
- Do not constantly complain to her husband on his mother, it negatively affects your relationship with him.
Men do not like being involved in women's conflicts and there is a high probability that he will stand on the side of the mother.
- Be polite. Rudeness not only provokes scandals, it shows you from a not very good side. A man notices any manifestations of nervousness, negativity, he definitely will not like it.
- Keep financial independence. You and your husband should have their own means, and you have the right to dispose of them at your discretion, without taking into account the interests of his mother. Of course, there will be a joint budget for buying food and paying for an apartment, but you should always have free finance.
- Divide Responsibilities in the home - who does what and when.
- Your friends and acquaintances do not necessarily know about your internal conflicts. Gossip spread quickly and quite likely to reach your mother-in-law. This will turn her against you even more.
- She is not your mom, but the closer your relationship becomes, the more there are attempts to teach you to make it act according to its rules.
To take a break from the constant presence of the mother-in-law, spend time with your husband together - rest, restaurants, nature walks.
How to find a common language?
Your mother-in-law has a great store of knowledge, and you may well learn from her this experience. Ask her to teach you how to cook some tasty dish. She will be pleased that you ask her advice.
If you have just moved into an apartment, do not immediately begin to actively defend your rights, let your mother-in-law get used to the fact that you now live in their house.
However, it is important to make it clear that you are now full family member, you and your husband have a personal space, to interfere in which is not always correct.
Joint business brings together. Offer your assistance in cleaning, rolling up vegetables, in the country.
If you live together, you will have to help the mother-in-law with the housework, since now you are a full-fledged member of the family and lead a common life.
The mother-in-law is a mother who loves her son, and like any mother, she is jealous, because now another woman has taken over his attention.
She will have to accept with the presence of the daughter-in-law, but this is not always the case. Some mothers do not want to compromise, to accept the wife of their son, and no action, attempts to establish contact do not help.
How to endure her husband's mom?
Annoying mother-in-law, we live together: how to be? Your first priority learn to cope with your own emotions. The other person is not responsible for your state and mood, just as you are not responsible for his feelings.
Try to abstract, if the mother-in-law constantly bothers you. In the end, you are not obliged to respond to her accusations, shouts, complaints. You can pretend to be listening, but to perceive and memorize information is not necessary.
Such a position will help to maintain mental comfort and not react sharply to negative attacks.
It is likely that without meeting the response and resistance, the woman herself after some time will soften and will want to make contact.
Excellent reception - try to find good features in the mother-in-law. Every person has something positive. Perhaps your mother-in-law is an excellent teacher or she cooks well, or maybe she is a creative person.
Find positive qualities in it and then it will be easier to communicate. Ask her about the years of youth, how she met her husband, let him tell you about her son's childhood.
Good memories soften people. If you tune in with your mother-in-law, it will be easier to find a common language.
Another way - build relationships as if you are employees working in the same territory. In this case, you do not need to show bright emotions - joy or anger, you just organize business communication.
You meet in the morning, have breakfast, solve joint issues, keeping the business style of communication. Over time, relationships can become more friendly when the mother-in-law realizes what her sister-in-law is, how successful she is in family life.
Learn to stand up for yourself. One day, feeling weak, the mother-in-law will use it, and each time her pressure will increase. At the same time, she will start criticizing you openly, discrediting her son, pointing out any shortcomings of yours.
That is why building relationships with relatives is important. from the first day of living together.
However, the ability to stand up for yourself does not mean scandals, talk in a raised voice.
On the contrary, your speech should be as calm and convincing as possible. Tell the mother-in-law, what exactly you do not like and why. Be sure to include the reason, not just: I do not want.
I can not live with my mother-in-law: what to do?
It also happens that conflicts between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law occur daily. Living together is no longer possible - the husband, children, wife suffer. The mother-in-law in every possible way survives the daughter-in-law from home, breaks into a relationship, trying to destroy them.
Attempts to remain calm, to exercise patience lead nowhere. In this case, the most acceptable option is to move to another apartment.
The health of your family should be in the foreground, so if the situation got out of control, then better to find a separate housing. You can rent an apartment or take a mortgage.
If you were as calm and reasonable as possible all the time, a tactical step would be to talk in a raised voice.
One day, your emotions will become so hot that you need to throw them out.
Express in the open, what does not suit you, show your anger that has accumulated inside.
Tactics are not suitable for everyone - it is important to take into account the character of a person and his possible reaction.
After such violent manifestations the mother-in-law can finally walkthat there are moments that do not suit you.
A short and sharp conflict should be isolated and not become a habit.
How to convince a spouse to settle separately?
The husband does not want to move out from his mother - this is a big problem.
- Tell him: "Dear, why don't we try to live separately? We will feel more at ease, because the whole apartment will be at our disposal."
- Notice the husband that he too dependent on your mother. Loving parents is right, but sooner or later you have to break away from the parental nest and start building your own life.
- If a mother in law blackmails poor health, promise that you will visit her as often as possible.
- You can rent an apartment near the parents houseIn this case, you will be able to call on her at any convenient time and help if the need arises.
- Do not blackmail divorce, this will be the first crack in your relationship, try to settle everything peacefully.
- Try to explain to your husband that young family must live separately - it is a pledge of calm and well-being. Happy and harmonious couples rarely live under the same roof with the older generation.
A woman wants to live with us: what to do?
The mother-in-law decided to live with you, and you, of course, do not want this.
Such a desire most often occurs in single women or those who want to fully control their son, even after he married.
What to do in this case:
- let the son directly explain to the mother that this is impossible;
- explain to her that you have your own rhythm, your own life, and you have the right to independence;
- a young family should live separately from their parents - this is one of the factors of family happiness;
- talk to your husband and tell me that you don’t mind if mom comes to visit, but don’t want her to live with you for specific reasons - these reasons need to be voiced;
- if the decision is made, and the husband's mother moves to you, try to calm down and think over the tactics of communication with her - do not let her take the power in your house into your own hands, immediately set boundaries.
How to survive it from our house?
If a mother-in-law appeared in your house and stayed there, set boundaries immediately.
Do not allow her to command, change the location of things in your house.
It is not necessary to roll up scandals, calmly enough to talk here your territory and mistress you.
There are more stringent measures, for example, to turn on loud music, go to bed late, often invite guests, that is, do everything so that the mother-in-law feels maximum discomfort.
The main thing is to do it in such a way so as not to offend anyone, but at the same time let the person know that he is in your house and does not fit into your lifestyle.
One of the surest ways is talk directly. You have to decide on a conversation, and it is better if the husband supports you. Explain to the mother-in-law that you value and respect her, but the young family wants to live separately.
In communicating with the mother-in-law, the main thing is be able to be patient, remain calm and do not respond to provocations on her part.
How to get on with the mother in law? Psychology and rules of behavior of the daughter-in-law:
