What if mom doesn't love me: psychology and consequences

Family relationships are complex and multifaceted.

If the question arises, what if mom doesn't love me it means you need to understand the complex, as the reasons for this may be different.

Why do such thoughts arise?

Hard to believe that mother has no feelings for her child. However, in practice this happens quite often.

Dislike is expressed in emotional detachment, coldness. The problems of the child are met with indifference, irritation, aggression.

In such families frequent criticism, accusations that he is bad, naughty.

If the parent usually tends to spend time with the child, then the one who does not experience the feeling of love is suspended. Games, care.

Dislike of their offspring is common among mothers taking alcohol and drugs. In this case, the psyche changes, normal human feelings atrophy, the need to satisfy their needs comes to the first place.

Difficulties with the manifestation of feelings often arise have fanatically religious mothers. In this case, a person gets a distorted view of the world, the family, his own offspring.

All life is subject to the same idea, and close people must agree with it and correspond to some ideal. If the daughter is imperfect from the point of view of religion and the mother’s internal ideas about correctness, the parent stops loving her.

Some women lose their feelings because daughter in something let her down. Moreover, the reason may be completely contrived, just a child does not meet some invented criteria.

Misconducts are more serious when the daughter goes to crime, leads an immoral lifestyle, abandons his own children.

If before there was love, now it is being replaced by distrust, indignation, and the best way to restore peace of mind is to exclude a person from your life.

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Is it possible?

Can a mother not love her child? The ability to express emotions lies in the type of nervous activity and character. Lifestyle has an impact.

It seems incredible that a mother does not love her child, but this can be certain reasons:

pregnancy was unwanted, occurred after rape;
maternal feelings did not appear;
in the family where the mother herself was raised, it was not customary to express warm feelings;
the father is perceived as an enemy, and the child irritates him;
a woman is not originally capable of love;
the presence of mental disorders such as schizophrenia, psychopathy.

Thus, the main reasons why a mother can not love her child are changes in the psyche, initially a cold mother, actions of a daughter that are difficult to forgive. Of course here rarely it is about the complete absence of love.

Most mothers still feel affection for the child, not even showing it externally or expressing anger and irritation most of the time.

Maternal instinct lies in our genes. It may not appear immediately, or a person is initially cold in the external expression of feelings, therefore it seems that he does not like.

Psychology of dislike for daughters

Why say that mothers do not like daughters? It is widely believed that mothers love daughters less.

This is probably due to a sense of competition, the struggle for the attention of the main man in the house - the father.

The growing up daughter reminds the woman and about her age.

Such inferiority complexes are projected onto the attitude towards their child.

Why do children love in different ways? Find out about this from the video:

Signs of maternal dislike

How to understand that a mother does not like a daughter? Let's look at the signs by which you can understand whether the parent really does not love you or it only seems.

Negative emotions prevail in communication. Mother constantly shouts, reproaches.
At the same time, it is impossible to hear words of gratitude, support, praise from her.
She moves away from education. The child is left to himself. At an older age, a woman is not interested in how her daughter is doing, her health, her personal life.
Can speak openly: “I hate you”, “you got me”, “I didn’t want you to be born”.
He wants her daughter to marry faster and delivered her from her presence.
Does something more for another child., pampers him, gives gifts, while revealing depriving the daughter of pleasure.

Signs of dislike are usually felt since early childhood.

In some cases, the attitude towards the daughter changes already in more adult age due to her actions or simply because the mother negatively perceives her age and aging.

Mom doesn't love me. The myth of holy motherhood:

What are the consequences?

Mother does not like daughter. Unfortunately, the consequences of parental dislike affect the entire future life of a girl:

Diffidence. The first people who influence our self-esteem are parents. If a girl from childhood was inspired that she was incapable of anything, ugly, stupid, then she learns these attitudes and goes with them in life.
It is rather difficult to get rid of such uncertainty, you have to work on yourself for a long time and resort to the help of psychologists.
Distrust of people. A girl who was not loved as a child will continue to have difficulties in establishing friendly contacts. He begins to look for a trick, to demand proof of love and friendship. But in the end, the relationship breaks down, because friends and partners get tired of proving their good location.
Destructive relationship with a partner. The girl, not having received love in childhood, begins to seek and demand it from other people. But the paradox is that she finds partners who cannot love. This is due to the projection of the image of the parents and the attempt to find love from the person who cannot give it, to prove that she is worthy of love.
Difficulty in expressing feelings about their children. Without receiving love and not learning to love, becoming a mother, it will be difficult for a girl to show emotions to her child. The behavior model is copied unconsciously.
Avoiding failures. On the one hand, the girl wants to be loved. But on the other there is fear, and suddenly they will not love me, but am I worth it. The result is again destructive relationships with partners.
Excessive sensitivity. The girl reacts sharply to the words, the slightest criticism, her own failure to communicate. The result is aggressive behavior, tears, tantrums, self-care. Such behavior is an attempt to remind ourselves and the surrounding about our peculiarity, uniqueness, to cause pity, as an attempt to get the right emotions.
Low self-esteem. A girl may have a lot of advantages, but she does not recognize them. Attempts by other people to convince her otherwise, is regarded as a lie, hypocrisy, pity.

To live, knowing that the parent does not like you, is quite difficult. A person is forced to constantly be in suspense, to seek confirmation of a good relationship.

Unloved children. Influence of children's resentment on fate:

What to do?

You'll have to realize that in life you are faced with such a difficult situation. Do not blame the mother that she is not capable of love. This is her choice.

Get rid of your own guilt. It is possible that you felt unnecessary in the life of the mother. She could inspire you to become a hindrance in her life. As a result, you have a sense of guilt. But you are not to blame for the fact that you were born into the world, that your father left you, your mother experienced unsuccessful love, or is simply not capable of expressing feelings.
Understand that your mom no longer learns to love you the way you dreamed since childhood. Take this fact for granted.
Sorry. Forgiveness will help redefine your relationship. You understand that next to you here is a man who, quite possibly, is also experiencing that he is not capable of love.
Feel grateful. Despite the fact that mom is not capable of strong feelings, she still raised you, and not abandoned to the mercy of fate.
Look for love in yourself, learn to love. Meditation practices, consultations with a psychotherapist or a psychologist will help in this.
Forget baby injuries. There is a category of people who continue to live in the past and enjoy self-pity. They can tell others how bad they were in their family, they were scolded, beaten, disliked. Constant chewing of child injuries within one only leads to deterioration of the complexes. You do not go forward, do not develop, but are stuck on past offenses, not allowing yourself to become a full-fledged person.

The main task - live, enjoy life, no matter what.

You are not responsible for the attitude of other people towards you, but are able to control your own mental manifestations and actions.

What if the mother doesn't love you? Opinion psychologist:

How to make mom love?

Firstly no need to beg for love. This feeling is either there or not.

Look at your mom from the other side. She, too, has virtues, interesting aspects of personality.

Let her open up. Conversations are the best way to do this. Unobtrusively interested in her past work, ask for advice.

It is not necessary for your mother to love you, but you can become friends with her, close friends.

Her grumbling, nagging, perhaps such a peculiar way to express her love. Just for different reasons and traits she can't say those words out loud.

The relationship of the daughter with the mother undergo various changes. If it seemed to you that as a child you were not loved and appreciated enough, then everything can change as an adult.

Your actions, attitudes towards parents are capable of making the mother finally see in you a person worthy of respect and love. Give her the opportunity to express herself, do not reject help.

Is it possible to really make a mother love her daughter? It depends on many factors, character traits, the woman’s readiness to change, and her daughter’s take mother the way she is.

If, as an adult, you still could not feel maternal love, just accept it as a fact and try to keep as even, friendly relations as possible.

It also happens that family members stop communicating altogether.

Here is the choice of each person, and in some cases the only way to solve the problem.

Do not look for love where it is notdo not try to achieve attention and location by any means.

Be yourself, show your individuality, you don’t have to be someone other people want to make of you. But with this, do not forget to appreciate your loved ones, at least for the fact that they gave you life.

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