Selfishness is negative trait, able to completely destroy the relationship of man with the people around him.
How to conquer selfishness in yourself? You can get rid of excessive selfishness by following psychology tips.
Concept
Egoist - a person who puts individual interests above the interests of other people and is guided in any of his actions solely by the motive of receiving benefits.
The egoist does things solely for himself.
The needs of other people, their values and attitudes to such a person are deeply indifferent.
Each of us to some extent possesses egoistic traits. Someone they are less pronounced, and someone more.
This feature of the psyche is explained by the nature of man, which for survival must pursue self-interest and take care of oneself.
“Healthy” egoism, in which a person places individual needs first but does not harm other members of society, is a very useful trait of character.
Without such installations survive in modern society is not easy. But in cases where the individual acts solely in the interests of his own person, regardless of the needs of other people, there is a pure egoism.
Often these people distinguish a strong character. Having a strong will, they are able to lead those weaker than them.
With certain skills, these people can become excellent manipulators who instill their own point of view to weaker interlocutors and impose it as the only correct one.
The main vital attitude of such a person can be expressed in one keyword - "give".
The individual wants to constantly get what he wants, without giving anything in return.
This life philosophy leads to serious problems both in the sphere of interpersonal relations, and in all other spheres of social life.
Most scientists are inclined to believe that selfish inclinations laid in childhood. Children who grew up in an atmosphere of permissiveness, spoiled by the attention and generosity of adults, do not want to give up the habit of fulfilling all their whims and in adulthood.
The other side of the problem is the lack of attention and care in childhood. The child decides that no one loves him, and he needs to protect his own interests by all means.
Why is bad to be selfish?
Among such people it is impossible to meet those who are truly happy.
Constant obsession with the fulfillment of own desires It does not give you the opportunity to relax and enjoy the pleasure of ordinary everyday joys.
If the goals are not achieved, the person feels a sense of dissatisfaction, anger and irritation. In other words, he himself defines the boundaries in which he constantly exists.
Faith in the exclusivity of his own person leads to constant conflicts with others, including with the closest people. The atmosphere of malevolence, which always surrounds the egoist, makes him suspicious and nervous.
is he incredibly vulnerablesince excessive concentration on oneself does not allow one to objectively evaluate the situation around and the attitude of the people around him. As a result, a person simply does not notice hostility, irony and mockery, disguised by false goodwill.
If you do not stop in time, the destructive trait of character can grow into its extreme - self-centeredness.
In this case, it seems to the person that he "the center of the world". The constant desire to talk only about your person make a person a general ridicule.
His significance, as a rule, has an absolutely illusory character and exists only in his imagination.
Surrounding people similar behavior only annoying and amused.
It is impossible to build a productive conversation with an egoist, since he will reduce any conversation to a specific topic of interest.
How to recognize these traits in yourself?
Such people themselves suffer from their own character. It is possible to conclude that there are negative inclinations on the following behavioral features:
- Excessive pride. The desire to isolate themselves from others, not to accept any help, to defend their position until the end.
Pride prevents the building of trusting relationships and makes it difficult to seek help when it is really needed.
- The habit of bragging. The egoist likes to stick out his dignity and achievements for all to see. He likes to make you jealous. Possessing what others do not have gives him unspeakable pleasure.
- Lack of self-criticism. Self-righteousness leads to a lack of ability to objectively evaluate one’s actions and actions. Productive self-criticism in any person is the key to development and improvement. Accordingly, the egoist does not seek to work on himself, since he does not recognize the existence of flaws in himself.
- Heightened self-esteem. Excessive confidence in their appearance, human and professional qualities interferes in their relations with people. No one likes narcissistic personalities who demonstrate too high an opinion about their person. A person in society is assessed in terms of his achievements, personal qualities and attitudes towards other people.
If for high self-esteem is not worth the real achievements, it causes only ridicule and irritation from others.
- Care only about yourself. Value for the person have only their own interests. In a critical situation, he will never sacrifice himself for the sake of others, often even the closest people. Altruistic inclinations are completely absent from these personalities.
- Avoiding responsibility for yourself, for loved ones. Unwillingness to be responsible for yourself, for loved ones indicates a desire to avoid difficulties and protect themselves from unnecessary experiences. The egoist does not want to complicate his existence with various concerns. It is more profitable for him to enjoy life while other people solve real problems. Often in a pair of such people themselves choose responsible, caring partners who shoulder all their worries.
- Rudeness. Neglect of morality and ethics. Absolute indifference to what others say or think about inappropriate behavior. A person may say rudeness to older relatives, demonstrate disrespect for authoritative people, be rude in public transport, etc.
Demonstration of such behavior is often taken for "bad manners," but it is based on elementary disrespect for society and the existing order in it.
- Intolerance of people. Mistakes, shortcomings of other people always cause a wave of criticism and irritation. Only the authority of one’s own opinion is recognized, and the likelihood of having a different view of the situation is simply not allowed. Often, such behavior is demonstrated by managers who become true tyrants for their subordinates.
- Attracting attention. Self-infatuation requires constant attention. The presence of the audience is necessary in order to feel their importance, to publicly demonstrate their skills and achievements. The basis of this desire is to obtain approval, recognition from other members of society. Moreover, the egoist, as a rule, pays attention only to external manifestations, without realizing the real attitude of people towards him.
- Touchiness. Excessive interest in oneself and obsession with one’s own interests leads to the fact that a person places increased demands on others.
He expects everyone around him to strive to do what he wants. Faced with indifference or lack of understanding, he demonstrates a grudge.
How to change yourself: tips psychologists
I am selfish: what to do? The problem of egoism can be peculiar to both men and women. But among men, such behavior more common.
Women are by nature called to take care of their husband, parents, and children.
Responsibility for loved ones does not allow a woman to fully concentrate only on your own person.
Nevertheless, selfish women are also found among women. How to stop being selfish or selfish?
It is very difficult for the representatives of both sexes to defeat the negative trait, but with constant work on themselves one can achieve significant results. The key to success is a constant self-control and a desire to change your character for the better.
Need to fight. According to psychologists, developing the following skills will help you achieve success:
- Listen attentively. It is common for people during a dialogue to perceive the opponent's words critically, trying to set his own point of view against him. It is important to learn, while communicating with other people, to completely disengage from one’s own views and try to penetrate a different position.
The ability to look at any situation through the eyes of another person is an important quality of a mature personality.
- Think of others. In any situation, you need to think about the interests of other people no less than about their own. This does not mean that a person should go to extremes and become an altruist. But a certain degree of focus on other people, without prejudice to themselves, has not spoiled anyone's life. Learning to take care of other people can be done by doing some socially significant business. For example, helping people with disabilities, working as a volunteer, taking care of a dysfunctional person, etc. Caring for someone weaker will teach you to think not only about yourself.
- Enjoy your good deeds. Doing good to other people, a person experiences much greater pleasure than he would have experienced in satisfying his whims. Bringing joy to others, we ourselves feel happier, because life is filled with real meaning.
If you can’t handle a negative trait yourself, should seek help from a psychologist. A competent specialist will help to understand the causes of such problems and make a difference.
As a rule, egoists are deeply unhappy people who cannot understand the internal contradictions and desires that torment them. A person who is in harmony with himself is always open to other people.
So, selfishness is a negative trait of character, poisoning the life of the person himself and his environment. Following the advice of psychologists, you can get rid of the typical manifestations of selfish behavior and make your life much better.
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