Mom or father beats the child: how to stop them?

“Beats, means loves to beat” - they say that the saying It sounds that way.

When it comes to two adults, it is believed that they themselves will understand.

Another thing, when the assault is applied. in relation to the childwhich can neither defend nor leave.

Parents beat children: causes and consequences

When the topic of physical violence rises at home, consciousness paints picture of relationships within the marginal family.

Everything is clear there: one or both parents abuse alcohol, in a drunken stupor, children fall under the hot hand.

But it does not always happen like this: the child is beaten and seemingly prosperous parents who realize that you can't do that. But they can not stop.

The reasonsin which the father or mother raises a hand to the children, the consequences are:

Repeat script. Now an adult in childhood was also beaten. He grew up and follows the learned program. It turns out a vicious circle. In the future, his child risks going one of two ways: he will become aggressive towards his close people (boy), or he will get used to perceive beatings as the norm and even a manifestation of love (girl).
How dangerous this scheme, you can learn from the daily news, where the dissolved man crippled or killed forgiving woman. Most likely, they grew up in families where violence was the norm.
The child was in danger: went for a walk without demand and did not appear for a long time, for example. A frightened parent can temporarily slap a forgetful child. The case is unpleasant, but not tragic.
Son or daughter did not live up to expectations. Sometimes an adult himself cannot admit that he is angry with a child, because he does not have bright talents, he studies well, is not attractive outwardly.
The little man feels this attitude. Growing up, it remains closed, notorious, manifestations of auto-aggression (self-harm, suicide) are possible. People who are embarrassed even to contact the seller, brought up that way.
Parent emotionally unstable, is at the two poles of the relationship to the child: love or hate. Manifestations of both feelings are bright, bursts of irritation almost always end in physical abuse. This behavior is typical of people from orphanages or even psychopaths. In the latter case, it is necessary to intervene from the side, right up to the removal from parental rights.
Deeply injured people who hate their father or mother come from such families.
An adult is upset, overworked, experiencing stress. Bad mood is reflected in children, sometimes it comes to slaps and cuffs. The situation can be resolved painlessly when the parent understands that he is behaving incorrectly, asks for forgiveness from the child, establishes a relationship with him. If an adult shifts responsibility to a son or daughter, then the latter often develop a chronic feeling of guilt for everything. In the future, a person who grew up in such conditions becomes a target for various kinds of manipulators.

Physical abuse: what does the child feel?

It is hard for a child to accept when the person from whom he waiting for protection, starts to physically attack him.

In order not to burn, the child's psyche forms the protection expressed in the suspension from the circumstances.

As a result, the little man difficult to recognize your true feelings. He is accustomed to extinguish emotions, empathy (empathy) is reduced in grown-up children, which complicates relationships with other people.

In the most severe case, a physically injured child has a pathology called "Multiple person". This means that in a man different “I” coexist with opposite desires.

In the repressed part of the personality, the pain and anger of the parents remain forever. The desire for revenge pushes a grown man to violence against his children.

Is it acceptable for educational purposes?

The idea of slaps and cuffs usually comes to mind to parents who wish nip bad behavior Chad.

Perhaps a preschool or primary school child misbehaves: does not obey, does not want to learn.

The first manifestations of physical aggression will frighten him, for some time a boy or girl will behave as adults require. In the future, the child will get used to similar methods and stop responding to them.

In the case of disobedience of a teenager (for example, coming home late, contacted a bad company) violence - confirmation of the helplessness of the parent.

If a person of 13-16 years old does not feel the authority of his father and mother, then you cannot correct the case with beatings.

In all situations nurturing through physical abuse will fail. Positive changes may be, but short-term. Later, the child will continue to behave as you want, besides, the resentment towards the parents will continue.

What to do?

Physical abuse occurs under various circumstances. Solution to the problem depends on different nuances: the severity of punishment, the attitude of an adult to what is happening, the actions of the second parent.

Tips for Unrestrained Adults

“I beat the child and I can not help it. How to be?

Awareness of the inadmissibility of violence is already a step towards a favorable outcome.

An adult who understands everything, but at critical moments is not restrained, you can try several ways of complacency:

Put yourself in the shoes of a son or daughter. Perhaps the bad deed was done without malicious intent, the child had already repented, but he was still hit. Surely the parent himself was in a similar position. It is always appropriate to replace a beating with a conversation, you can wait until the emotions have subsided.
If the offense is serious enough, apply the punishment, but do without a belt. Every child has a favorite activity: computer games, walks, cartoons. Temporary deprivation of pleasure will help the child to realize the mistakes.
Later he will try to prevent such consequences, the authority of the parents will not suffer.
An effective way is to imagine that corporal punishment will be performed in front of other people.. Before the native child should be no less ashamed of the unfolding of hands, than before a stranger.

If cruelty happened once

“I hit the child on the head, I regret it: what to do?”

Head injuries are serious. No child’s deed can explain such cruelty.

Here, the mother needs to understand first with his moral state:

If the case is single, you should not do too much self-flagellation: it already happened, now you need to correct the consequences. A crying child is better to hug, calm, relive the sadness with him. You can talk a little later.
When the state of the mother remains tense and there is a risk of breaking, it makes sense to retire at least for a short time.
Whenever possible take out aggression on an inanimate object (pillow, upholstered furniture, punching bag).
When emotions subside, useful conduct self-examination. Call feelings by their names: anger, powerlessness, irritation.
Finding the reasons for your own aggression will help eliminate its manifestations. The failure may have been due to fatigue or serious problems not related to the son or daughter.
It happens that the problem is hidden in the past of the mother herself: she was beaten as a child or she became a victim of violence at an older age.
Talk frankly with your child about your feelings, admit mistakes, to apologize.

Think through a plan of action, if the desire to hit a younger person arises again. If you don’t manage it yourself, it’s better to consult a specialist (for example, a family psychologist). It will help you find the source of the problem, tell you how to solve it.

Protection from a tyrant father

"The husband beats the child: what to do?" A woman whose child beats her husband has a particularly difficult time: she is between two fires. On the one hand, it’s a pity for a son or a daughter, on the other - I don’t want to stand with my spouse on opposite sides of the barricades.

If the husband is not the father of the child and did not raise him from an early age, then with physical punishment he may try to earn credibility, especially when it comes to raising a boy.

Children from first marriages often do not accept the second spouse of the parents and deliberately behave protestingly.

Appropriation by the native father is based on the fact that, as a rule, he has never been as close to a child as his mother.

For a little man, dad often becomes a new acquaintance, sometimes coming home. A man remembers when his son is older and solves the problems in the easiest way - physical abuse.

In any case, the mother will have to solve the problem, her duty is to maintain mental and physical health son or daughter.

Until the blows and cuffs turned into beatings, it is worth talking to my husband.

Perhaps he himself, being small, became the victim of an aggressive father. Memories of what a man felt at the time can help a father or stepfather to reconsider parenting methods.

Effects father violence can be significant:

the child will become afraid of adult males, even panic attacks. In the future, it will be difficult for the boy to find a common language with friends and colleagues, for the girl - to improve relations with a man and start a family;
son or daughter will be afraid and hate their father, but they will not begin to respect him;
due to constant fear in the child, behavior and academic performance will deteriorate;
hatred of all men without exception will develop.

Unfortunately, the wife does not always manage to solve the problem peacefully. When beliefs do not help, the husband refuses from the help of specialists, and the child’s beatings are included in the system, the only way out is to leave.

A woman should remember: If the husband shows physical aggression towards both her and the children, then this will never change. Home tyrant, most likely, grew up in a similar situation, beating for him - the norm.

In this case, the man does not beat the bosses, colleagues and friends, means in the hands to keep himself able, showing licentiousness only in the address of relatives.

Trying to rehabilitate an adult is useless.

The beating of a child by the father or mother is unacceptable and sharply condemned by society, but parents sometimes face the other extreme, practicing psychological violence: indifference, threats, boycotts.

To preserve the health and tranquility of the child, only reasonable methods are suitable: talk, joint exercises, own positive example.

Why not beat children? Parental self-control and physical punishment: