Everyone dreams of a warm and harmonious relationship. But how many there are pairs, passionate passion between which does not pass? Why at some time you want something “hard” to “kill” your partner? What to do when there is a feeling that the "wrong person" is near? There are 7 conditional periods in the life of a couple. These stages of the relationship can not be avoided, but you can survive. We will explain how to do this, explaining what is happening and why at each of the stages.
Relationship stages
Love
This period is called candy-bouquet. It seems that romance is in the air, the world has stopped, without a person everything loses its meaning. Celebrations under the moon, crazy actions, passionate kisses - all this takes place in the relationship of the first 18 months.
Helen Fisher, a Harvard scientist, investigated what happens to lovers from a physiological point of view. With the help of the tomograph, the professor managed to find out: in the first period, so-called hormones of “love” are actively distinguished in men and women. They block the effect of negative emotions, rational thinking. It’s as if a person is "stoned" - everything is pink, moths fly around and sing flute.
Amazing fact! The brain of a lover works in approximately the same way as a person who has taken cocaine.
The fervor and aggravation of the senses fade away in about a year. But you should not regret. If the first period would have been longer, the lovers were hospitalized with the diagnosis “Nervous and physical exhaustion.”
What happens on a psychological level. The couple discovers each other. They, as if they had tasted a previously unfamiliar fruit, and now they want to feel its taste again and again. This period is the brightest. Ahead expect less romantic types of relationships.
What to do:
The main thing is not to overdo it in an effort to seem perfect. Of course, you can and should demonstrate your strengths. But if you dwell on this marathon, you can create a trap. No special love for cooking? Then it is better not to demonstrate your culinary skills, studying a book of exotic recipes. The person who is next, forms your complete image. It should be as realistic as possible. Therefore, the task is to be yourself and give the opportunity to do it to another.
Glut, or contract
For a year or a little more, people get used to each other. Often a couple by this time decides to live together. Previously, a meeting with a loved one seemed like a holiday - they were preparing for it, planning something, revealing their dreams. Now it happens as a matter of course.
If the distance is met, for example, the relationship develops at a distance, the second stage fits smoothly and painlessly. In the case when everything happens dynamically, one day, one of the partners shudders: "Did love pass?“In fact, the rose-colored glasses just slept, each other’s shortcomings and bad habits became visible. It turns out that something is very annoying, you cannot refuse something.
If the image of the chosen one was too idealized, a traumatic encounter with reality is possible: "Imagine, I thought he was takooy! But he turned out to be a completely different person ... ".
But in most cases he was different, we just seemed the perfect image. And now it turned out that the princess has a stale breath in the morning, and the prince has a habit of snapping his fingers.
Now is the time to find out what the relationship is.
What to do:
- Set forth. What seems obvious to us is not always clear to others. Two people, looking at the same landscape, see different plots. To avoid misunderstandings - both in everyday life and ideological concepts - it is necessary to explain to each other how we see the world and its components.
- Agree. People can not change until they themselves want. Pressure and mutual claims result is not achieved. If a man always played poker on Fridays, and a woman got used to a family dinner in a quiet home environment, sooner or later there would be a clash - so how to spend this fifth day of the week? Tugging a blanket over yourself will lead to a quarrel and a spoiled evening in principle. There is a way out - to seek a compromise. Move the dinner together on Saturday, raise a poker game earlier in time, throw a coin, etc.
- Do not follow stereotypes. A couple creates for herself the rules of relationships. And if both are comfortable when a woman earns more and a man prepares food, then so be it. Tips, recommendations and other valuable instructions of relatives or friends should be ignored. Every relationship is special, not like the other world. Why not prescribe in it its own laws?
Rejection
The third stage is characterized by reflections of both parties: am I not mistaken with the choice?
The chemical reaction in the body no longer works, but it is replaced by a sound mind. From here - misunderstanding, quarrels, conflicts. Now everyone decides for himself whether to leave or stay, putting up with the shortcomings of the other.
In critical moments, it seems as if a mistake was made, the wrong person is next to you, and with the other, everything would be different.
The danger of the relationship stage is that, in seeking to find the "ideal person", you can never go to the next level. Some still walk in a circle for the rest of their lives, remaining on the stage of “Rejection”.
What to do:
- Take responsibility for yourself. At this stage, we subconsciously shift the responsibility for our emotions or actions to our partner. The phrases “You make me angry” and “I am angry with you” are fundamentally different. We have the right to choose how to respond - forgive, humble, shout, be offended. In order not to blame the stalls, it is better to try to understand what exactly you want to change. And after - to discuss.
- Prepare for change. At this stage, behaviors usually change, as well as the person himself. To save the relationship, you need to prepare for the metamorphosis, to give the opportunity to the other to express themselves. New hobbies, friends, work, degree of self-development can not affect the existing family traditions. The couple will have to get to know each other again and re-register their rules of relations, to form new foundations. Otherwise, you have to run up.
Patience
This is a turning point in the relationship. On it, the couple most often turns to a psychologist, reads psychologically articles, searches for answers to questions, what are the stages of relationships and how to survive the crisis.
By this time often there is already a child, the couple spends less time with each other. Joint life, plans, property do not give the opportunity to follow personal desires or emotions. Someone (or both) feels misunderstood and lonely.
This does not mean that one must tolerate everything that is happening without a murmur. If you do not move to a new stage, then patience will burst once. If the union broke up when the children matured, it means that the relationship all the time remained at the stage of patience.
The couple does not know what to talk about with each other when there is no link next to them.
What to do:
The task of this period is to accept the individual world of another person. Do not try to remake a partner, but do changes in yourself.
The stage can be considered passed when the couple learned to take into account the needs of each other, adopted the individual features of the other and does not convincingly prove their case in any matter.
Quarrels are now manageable, everyone's behavior is predictable.
Service
At this stage, you can talk about the emergence of true love, not love. Now that the hormones are in order, the partners do pleasant things for each other unselfishly. They take care of each other, show care. But if at the candy-bouquet stage of relationships, actions are self-centered, and the person next to it is perceived as a source of pleasure, now the beloved is becoming an object of service.
What to do:
To prevent a crisis, it is enough to find new points of contact, to build another facet of the partnership. For example, to open a small family business or to arrange flower beds - what does anyone like.
Respect
When people have passed a series of tests together, get to know each other well, have learned to accept their partners as they are, the fifth stage of relations comes.
It is characterized by dense platonic affection, the formation of a stock of appreciation and trust. Partners can easily share their thoughts or feelings, understand each other's needs.
What to do:
Now the forces on the relationship is spent much less. Having spiritual independence, respect for a partner, you can delve into self-development. It is important to let the available resources into the business, bypassing the gloom. It is desirable that each had its own outlet.
Love
Enduring jointly difficulties and finding mutual understanding, the couple finally comes to full love. At this, the seventh and final stage, the partners already understand each other without words, enjoy communication and staying with each other.
Stages of relations are divided conditionally. One pair can jump over one of them, the other can not get through, and in the third can go through several phases simultaneously. To keep the union, it is enough to understand what is happening between two people and how to behave at this stage.
