Mother-in-law got: how to put it in place?

Relationship mother-in-law and daughter complicated by disagreement.

The constant intervention of the mother-in-law into the family life of a son can seriously ruin his relationship with his wife.

For this reason, daughters-in-law often think about how to put the mother-in-law in place.

Psychology of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

True love and mutual respect are found in the relationship of daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. rarely enough.

Even with outwardly friendly communication, these women, as a rule, have a lot of complaints to each other.

On the part of the daughter-in-law, a negative attitude towards the mother-in-law can be caused by jealousy, a sense of ownership towards her husband or character traits of a young woman.

But often a bad attitude is formed in response to the negative behavior of the husband’s mother.

The main reasons why a mother-in-law may behave aggressively towards his sister-in-law:

Complex nature. The mother-in-law has initially imperious, authoritarian character, which only aggravates with age. The habit of establishing orders in the family, leading the husband and children is also reflected in the attitude towards the daughter-in-law - the mother-in-law expects submission from her.
Jealousy. A woman loves her son and is just jealous of another woman who turned her attention to herself. After marriage, most sons begin to pay less attention to their mothers, less likely to attend them. This leads to hurt feelings and jealousy.
Love to son. For any mother, her child is the most talented, intelligent and kind. Exaggerating the merits of a son leads to exaggerated demands on his wife. The mother-in-law often thinks that the daughter-in-law is unworthy of their son.

Hormones. Due to their age, women with adult sons are under the influence of strong hormonal changes (menopause). Such changes in the body leave their mark on the behavior: irritability, tearfulness, aggressiveness.
Lack of interest. If, apart from the son, there are no other interests in the mother’s life in the form of a husband, other sons and daughters, grandchildren, work and hobbies, then she may show an increased interest in her son’s family due to the lack of other worries and an excess of free time.

What if my husband's mom ...?

Sister's behavior strategy directly depends on the nature of the mother-in-law. It is necessary to clearly identify existing problems and develop a plan of action.

Energetic vampire

Energy Vampires replenish the stock of energy at the expense of their interlocutors. During intercourse, vampires constantly complain about life, talk about their failures and illnesses. They can do this intentionally or unknowingly.

The interlocutors of such people in most cases are included in communication, adopt a negative mood.

The desire to calm the energetic vampire or the appearance of irritation in response to his complaints cause a surge of negative energy from the interlocutor. This response gives the vampire strength and stimulates it.

The best way out is to stop this "donation".

Required to reduce communication with the mother-in-law to a minimum.

If this does not work, you should develop a calm attitude to the situation. It is important to remain calm during communication, not to worry.

Manipulator

Manipulators seek to subjugate others. Most often this is achieved through the development of a "victim" guilt.

With such a behavior of the mother-in-law, it is important to be able to recognize situations in which she takes advantage of the status quo to satisfy her interests.

If her manipulations are directed at her husband, it is important to try to open his eyes to the true motives of his mother’s behavior and teach him not to be led to her tricks.

If the mother-in-law tries to manipulate the daughter-in-law herself, it is necessary take a defensive stance and in any situation to defend their interests.

Selfish woman

The egoist always cares only about satisfying one's desires and whims.

The interests of other people for him do not matter.

The best way out in this situation - "mirror" answer.

In response to the egoism of the mother-in-law, it is necessary to develop a similar attitude towards her.

Never give up on your plans to please her requests, do not change your opinion under her pressure.

Psychologist tips

To maintain peace in the family is recommended follow the advice of psychologistsapplicable to a specific problem. Consider the basic questions and relevant expert advice.

Woman treats you badly

The bride is rarely indifferent to the current conflict situation. They experience for the following reasons:

My mother-in-law hates me. If the husband's mother demonstrates a clear hatred, you can try to call her into a frank conversation. Hate does not arise groundless. Perhaps the reason for its appearance was some disagreement, understatement and conflicts. A frank conversation can clarify the situation. But this is possible only under the condition of openness to dialogue on both sides. Otherwise, the situation will only worsen. If the mother-in-law does not wish to make reconciliation, one should reconcile with the state of things and minimize communication.
My mother-in-law does not accept me. The unwillingness of the mother-in-law to acknowledge the fact of the existence of a wife with her son is a manifestation of aggression.
With this behavior, a woman seeks to humiliate her daughter-in-law and reduce her importance in the eyes of her husband. The best way out is not to communicate.

Interferes in parenting

Often the mother-in-law as a grandmother seeks to raise the son’s children. The lack of a good relationship with the daughter-in-law can provoke constant conflicts regarding the relationship between the grandmother and the children. Main problems:

Raises a child. I do not want to give the child to the mother-in-law. It is important to objectively evaluate what is happening. Negative attitude to the daughter-in-law may not affect the attitude towards grandchildren. The desire of the grandmother to participate in the upbringing of children can be absolutely sincere. Attention should be paid to how children behave after visiting a grandmother, and how they interact with her.
If they are willing to contact and show goodwill, then her upbringing is unlikely to cause any harm. If the children talk about the fact that the grandmother says bad things about the mother, do not want to make contact, do not like the grandmother, then it is necessary to reduce communication to a minimum.
Does not help with the child. Why? Helping with grandchildren is a voluntary thing. If the grandmother has no desire to participate in the education of grandchildren, it is difficult to do something with it.

Adjusts spouse against you

Often the mother-in-law tries to get rid of the daughter-in-law through her son. They strive to incite a man against his wife, drag attention to themselves and arrange provocations. Recommendations in such situations:

Adjusts husband against me. Extremely unpleasant situation that threatens the well-being of the family. Mom is always an authority for a man and the main woman in his life, especially at a young age. Her opinion always matters to men.
Constant criticism of his wife can lead to a man having doubts about the correctness of his choice, in changing attitudes towards his beloved woman.
It is recommended to constantly tell the husband that the attitude of his mother to the daughter-in-law should not destroy the family and teach him not to react to the words of the mother-in-law.
Pulls her husband about his business. Manipulation manifestation. It is necessary to pay attention to the husband that a mother can solve some issues on her own without attracting him.

Communicates with the ex-wife of her husband. The mother-in-law takes this step in an effort to demonstrate his positive attitude to the man’s last chosen one and thereby lower the self-esteem of the present wife. It is important not to worry about this and not to pay attention to such provocations. If a man is divorced from his past wife, it means that he had personal reasons. If he decided to divorce without taking into account the opinion of his mother, then her communication with his ex-wife would not be a significant factor for him. It should also be borne in mind that the mother-in-law can communicate with the former daughter-in-law as the mother of her grandchildren. In such a case, there is no reason to worry.
How to set up a husband against her mother-in-law? A similar question in principle should not arise. The desire of the daughter-in-law to spoil the relations of the husband with his mother testifies exclusively to the stupidity and short-sightedness of the wife. If a man is able to easily succumb to the influence of his wife and give up his own mother, then one day he can just as easily under the influence of another woman give up his wife and children.
It is necessary to look for ways to solve the situation without provoking a quarrel between the son and the mother.

Climbs into a relationship

The mother-in-law interferes in the relationship, seeking to control the life of his son. Also, her intervention may have a specific goal - to ruin the relationship of his son with his wife. How to deal7 Recommendations in such situations:

Mother-in-law has got: climbs in family. If the mother-in-law does not give a quiet life and constantly intervenes with his advice, imposes his opinion and distributes recommendations, it must be removed for some distance. It is important to talk to your husband and explain that the mother is not part of his new family. He should discuss all important decisions only with his wife, without asking his mother for advice.

Comes without warning: it is annoying. This behavior indicates a lack of education and tact. It is necessary in a calm manner to explain to the woman that coming to visit should be accompanied by a prior warning. In the absence of changes in her behavior, it is possible at the time of her mother-in-law's arrival to demonstratively start dressing and leave for business or not open the door for her, referring later to the absence of the house at the moment.

Ruined family

Marriage is the union of a man and a woman. If the couple decides to divorce, the reason for the divorce is not in the behavior of the mother-in-law. A man, respecting and loving his mother, should behave like the head of the family and protect the interests of his wife and children.

A woman must find the strength to show patience, tact and cunning. The bad relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is only one of the many difficulties that spouses can face.

If the mother-in-law was able to destroy the family with her actions, then there was no real intimacy, trust and mutual support between husband and wife.

Rules and recommendations

The basic rules and recommendations that will help make the right decision if you have the following questions:

How to behave with the mother-in-law? You must behave calmly, confidently, kindly and with dignity. The ability to remain calm, restraint in any situation is an effective method of dealing with any "adversary."

What to do if you hate mother in law? Do not communicate with her. It makes no sense to try to fix such a relationship. The exclusion of communication will allow you to avoid conflict situations and maintain peace in the family.
How to ignore the mother-in-law? Ignoring is the complete lack of response. It is important to concentrate on relationships with the husband, on raising children and not to show any emotion in response to the mother-in-law provocations.
How to teach a mother in law? The easiest and most effective way is to behave similarly. For example, if the mother-in-law likes to make remarks to the daughter-in-law at guests regarding the cleanliness of the house or the quality of the treats, you can occasionally release such comments to the mother-in-law, being in her house. Another option is to agree on everything, but to do it in one’s own way.
How to get rid of mother-in-law forever? Get rid forever only after her death. In all other cases, the mother-in-law will always be present in the life of his son's family, if he gives consent to this.
The only real way out of the situation is to move a long distance from the mother-in-law so that her communication with her son takes place mainly by telephone.

Thus, relations between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are complicated by the huge number of mutual claims and demands.

Preserving peace in the family is possible only if all parties choose a relationship. competent behavior tactics. This concerns not only two women, but also the reasons for their dispute - men.

How to win mother in law? Relationship psychology: