Warm hugs, kisses and sincere words: "Mom, I love you" - always warm the heart. But sometimes it seems to overstep the bounds. A child of 4 years old wants to sleep in the same bed and wants to get married. These are manifestations of the Oedipal complex and is a stage in the normal development of the baby. But sometimes this behavior can take longer, sometimes much longer than usual. Let's figure it out.
What is Oedipus complex
Oedipus complex is a sexual attraction to the parent of the opposite sex and a feeling of jealousy towards the representative of one’s gender. He was named, described by the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud in honor of the myth about Oedipus, who killed his father-king and married his mother.
The son is experiencing sexual desire and a strong love for the mother. For father is aggressive feelings, jealousy. Seeks to push him aside to take the place of the father. Trying to behave like a man, as far as it is included in children's unformed concepts. Also, the daughter wants to take the place of the mother. Sometimes a specific name is distinguished for this - Electra complex.
Freud argued that the Oedipus complex is characteristic of all children from 3 years of age - the time of the formation of an individual, a separate "I". And it should normally pass up to 6-7 years. If this does not happen, then it is worth talking about developmental disability and it should be corrected.
The psychology of the Oedipus complex
Not all psychologists calmly accepted the Freudian interpretation of the legend and the formulation of the theory. Some did not perceive it at all and interpreted it differently. Adler arguedthat so manifests the desire to dominate both parents.
Jung spokethat a son’s desire to be closer to his mother is nothing more than a desire to return to the womb. It was warm, cozy, enveloped in a constant sense of protection and love. Nothing was required of you, as it is now in 3-4 years.
Fromm arguedthat the desire of the child to overthrow the patriarchal regime in the family is manifested in this way. Reich added: Oedipus complex will not be a permanent element of development. When the roles in the family change in the future, it can disappear. So psychologists have not come to the same point of view, modern experiments cannot come to a single conclusion.
Still Freud supposedthat the existence of prohibitions of morality, religion and culture in the form of incest is connected with the emergence of this complex. Since sexual desire on the part of the child is embodied in real life.
Main features
Depending on what type of upbringing in the family, what kind of relationship between members, the main symptoms may differ. The main ones are:
- Capricious behavior. The child is trying to attract the attention of the parent of the opposite sex. Therefore, it is trying to do this not only with good behavior, but also with whims and tantrums.
- Stressful state of mind. They are in constant tension and irritation, because they experience new sensations that they do not understand. Also, there is always a rival around whom you have to be better.
- Sense of ownership. It is difficult to let go of mom / dad for the whole day, if he goes to work, on a visit, to go shopping. The child is sad, bored, until the parent returns.
- No friends. Refuses to communicate and spend time with their peers. Gives preference and attention only to mother / father.
- Dreaming. If you tell about your dreams, you can often hear erotic overtones regarding one of the parents.
The consequences of developmental disability
The complex must pass up to 6-7 years. If not, then it is imprinted on the personality of the teenager, and then the adult. The guy will be dependent, because he used to always be near his mother, who decides for him all the questions and problems. From here comes the uncertainty in their actions. Also relative to the tandem daughter-father.
Children acquire traits of parents with the opposite sex.. Girls have a strong and stubborn character, purposeful, sometimes even aggressive. Such personalities attract men, they are interested. But it is difficult to build relationships, they often can not find the right approach.
Regarding the son, the situation is worse. Because the weak characteristic, effeminate man attracts very few people. And as a result, the relationship with the opposite sex does not add up at all. It becomes closed, enhanced sense of loneliness. For her part, she can become disillusioned with women, since they do not look like his ideal Mom.
How to get rid of the Oedipus complex
Freud argued that his son was beginning to fear that his father could castrate him for wanting to sleep with his wife. Therefore, the complex itself disappears during the appearance of this fear. He must pass adequately and not disappear from sight and hide in the unconscious. So that later did not result in other complexes.
Therefore, if it does not pass on its own, you need to remember about the attention to the child. It should be sent from both parents equally. Relations between them should be prosperous, in mutual understanding, without loud quarrels. So that the children saw mom and dad as a separate couple who are good together.
Do not let the bed and bathroom go to sleep when taking a shower. The child must feel boundaries, feel shame. If it climbs kissing on the lips, then it is necessary to remove it with a soft but sure movement and explain that it is impossible to do this. What is a partner who is loved as an adult. And the child, too, just in a different way.
You need to talk a lot with your child. Especially when he so actively perceives the world, and many questions remain unanswered. Therefore it is worth asking yourself what interests, what to explain. Show the children what is normal - ask, and even praise for it. Perhaps share their feelings and experiences.
The child must communicate with other children and even adults outside the family circle. So that attention is not focused solely on parents. If you liked a peer of the opposite sex, then this is a positive sign that the problem has been exhausted.
The Oedipus complex is a natural stage in the development of personality at an early age. After his passing, the child takes on the features of the parent of his article, is formed to enter adulthood. If this does not happen, then there are tips on how to direct in the right direction.
