Psychologist's answer: what to do if a guy changes?

Girls who learn that they are being cheated by guys tend to blame themselves regardless of the situation.

This is due to the influence of society, which is often gives women a deceptive attitude that they are responsible for all the troubles that occur in romantic relationships and in the family.

But this is not so: the responsibility is always in equal proportion lies with both the woman and the man. What if the guy changes? The most important thing is to abandon self-blame, calm down and try to understand the situation.

Initial action

A guy can change a girl for many different reasons, and it’s not always realistic to understand what exactly is treason connected with.

The best option is to discuss the situation with a guy.

It is necessary:

Provide him with evidence of treason. It is desirable more or less reliable, based not on "I think so." If the guy has nothing to fend off, the likelihood that he is recognized as a betrayal is higher.
Keep your composure during the dialogue. This task is quite complicated: not every girl is able to behave calmly and naturally, if something has happened that has significantly injured her. Before you talk, give yourself time to rest, get engaged in something that has always calmed you.
Ask him your questions. Among them may be "Why did you do this?", "Why did this happen?" And the like.
Discuss with him further action. Naturally, this applies to those cases where a guy behaves sanely: he does not break down into insults and accusations, does not commit violent acts, and expresses his willingness to discuss the problem.
Otherwise, you need to try to protect yourself and think about the possibility of a complete rupture of relations.

The news of treason can be very painful, and need to calm down before the dialogue - almost impossible.

How to calm down?

Perhaps some of these ways will make you feel better faster:

Drink a light sedative. Valerian tablets, soothing herbal supplements will do. Alcohol is better if possible not to drink: it has a depressive effect.
Take a bath. You can add medicinal herbs, twigs (for example, needles have a positive effect on the psyche), flowers, sea salt or a pleasantly smelling bomb.
Take a walk. If you like music, turn it on while walking in headphones.
Practice it. Physical activity will remove the increased stress associated with stress, and lift your mood.
If you feel the need to speak out, it is best to do it alone with you. For example, on a piece of paper or in a text editor. You can also contact a loved one whom you trust and who knows how to keep secrets, and talk with him.
As long as you don’t talk frankly with a guy, it’s not worth talking about what happened in a row.

When you feel better, make yourself comfortable and try to think about what happened.

Think of the conflicts and quarrels that occurred between you earlier, try to remember whether he expressed complaints and how often this happened. All this will help to better understand what could have been treason.

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one? Practical tips:

Why did this happen?

Possible reasons for treason:

Dissatisfaction with the partner. This point includes not only the topic of sex, but many other points: a decrease in the intensity of romantic feelings, dissatisfaction with the girl’s appearance, especially if there have been some changes lately (weight gain, consequences of diseases or side effects of medicines, amputation, scars and so on), its behavior, character, financial condition, emotional involvement in relationships.
Often this is due to the inability or unwillingness of a man to take a partner, to take a balanced view of her positive and negative sides.
Quarreling. Conflicts that arise in relationships too often can push a man to find a woman with whom there will be no such problems. In addition, many men (and women too) are quite irresponsible towards romantic relationships: they believe that they should bring only positive emotions, are not ready to discuss conflicts, and any problematic situation leads to an unproductive emotional outburst that interferes with a healthy look at everything and find a solution which will suit both parties.
Different views on life. A productive, harmonious partnership is impossible if a man and a woman have different goals in life and different views on how to live. For example, the guy holds conservative views, so he wants his future wife to stay at home, take care of the household and the children, and he worked.
His girlfriend, on the contrary, believes that a woman in the modern world should have a full opportunity to realize herself in her career, the idea of being locked between a stove and an ironing board has been disgusting for many decades. Naturally, against the background of these differences, serious conflicts are possible. If a man in this period faces a woman who shares his views, he can begin to change and, most likely, he will seriously think about breaking up the relationship.
The desire for revenge. It so happens that a man first for some reason begins to suspect adultery and decides to respond the same (even in cases where there was no betrayal).
This can be expressed both in ostentatious flirtations with girls in public places in the presence of a partner, and in a more serious form.
Unexpected love. The feeling of love can suddenly fall on any person, and not everyone will want to resist him, especially if you have the opportunity to have fun and at the same time avoid trouble. For example, a guy can secretly change with a girl who works with him, because it’s enough to hide such a relationship, or to be in a relationship for some time while on a business trip or on vacation.
The desire to find new experiences, have fun. This desire can be an additional factor that increases the likelihood that the guy will change. Many people are looking for new experiences in relationships and sex, because it is simple and affordable.

What if the guy changes? Find out about this from the video:

Close your eyes to cheating or not to forgive?

Forgive or not? Is it worth keeping the relationship? It all depends on many factors.:

the characters of both partners;
the circumstances in which everything happened;
the behavior of the guy after he learned about what you know about treason;
the presence of feelings in a pair;
the presence or absence of other problems in the union (scandals, violence, accusations, different views on life);
desires of both partners.

Every single situation requires an individual approach. We can not say for sure what to do: a girl faced with a betrayal needs to make a decision on her own.

Reasons to break a relationship:

cruelty, violence by a guy;
insults, accusing the girl of not being good enough;
blackmail;
the presence of other problems in the relationship.

Should I forgive adultery a young man? Psychologist's answer:

Psychology tips

How to survive the betrayal and what to do?

What to do if he is not recognized?

See if he really changes. Perhaps he stubbornly denies the fact of treason just because it really was not there. If you suspect a betrayal, but you have no clear evidence, it is better to wait, watch and find something that confirms your words, otherwise it will be just empty accusations. Systematic, coherent evidence is likely to force a guy to confess to treason.
If you have clear evidence on hand, do not chop off the shoulder. Try to calm down and talk with the guy. Give them to him and ask: maybe there are some facts that were not known to you. For example, that the girl with whom his friend saw him was his sister.
Make a decision only after hearing his arguments.

Changed with best friend

The news of such a betrayal can be especially traumatic. If you feel that you need time to recover, allow yourself to escape and calm down.

Try talking to your friend alone. Ask her to talk about what happened, ask questions that concern you. Try to be polite to her, keep calm: hardly rudeness and aggression will be able to change something in this situation. When you listen to a friend, act on her reaction, behavior, and explanations.
Also talk to the guy. Listen to its version, ask for explanations and ask questions too.
Give up the idea of revenge. No matter how painful, violence is not an option. The event has already happened, and it is important for you to try to accept its consequences.
Consult a psychotherapist. If you feel excessively bad after the incident, you have an excessively depressed mood, there are problems with concentration, work capacity, and sleep, you may need help.
If you do not feel the desire to communicate with a boyfriend or girlfriend, honestly tell them about it if this is important to them. Perhaps over time you will feel better and be able to continue communication.

He goes to the left periodically, but does not leave me

If the guy doesn't quit, but keeps changing, this may mean that:

You are arranging him as a partner, he does not want to change the existing state of affairs;
he loves you, but either he lacks something in the current relationship, or an affair is just a way to have fun.

It is possible that he is sure that you have no idea about the changes, so he continues to change.

As in the previous cases, you must try to talk to him, ask questions, look at his behavior during the dialogue and then make a decision.

If your relationship is long enough and you and your partner hardly want to lose them, it makes sense to turn to family psychotherapist.

He will give a number of practical recommendations and will help to look at the situation from different sides.

She herself accidentally learned about the betrayal

Find out all the circumstances of the incident.. Perhaps it happened by chance, for example the guy got drunk in a company in which you were not, and his attention was attracted by the girl with whom they slept.

It is possible that he repented long ago for what happened, and his relationship with you is dear to him.

Under any circumstances, it is important to try to calm down and only after that talk to the guy. It is also worth making sure that information about treason is truly true: always the probability of error.

What to do so that a young man never changes?

Regardless of your efforts, there is always a chance that a partner will change you, and it is important to accept. However, it is really reduced, and for this you should:

discuss with the guy all the problems and look for compromises;
when analyzing any problem situation, be guided by reason, not feelings;
do not insult the guy and do not blame him out of the blue;
not give vent to jealousy;
visit a family psychologist or psychotherapist, if you feel that this is necessary;
listen to your partner, respect his feelings and demand the same for yourself.