How does treason manifest? Where is the starting point, after which it is safe to say that the person “went left”? It is much easier to prevent infidelity, knowing its psychology. And having mastered the typical signs of a windy person, you can avoid unpleasant acquaintance, knowingly saving yourself from the stresses on the love front.
What is treason
Treason is the loss of loyalty, the betrayal of the feelings of a loved one or the interests of a group (and more) of people. However, the scope of its definition is rather blurred.
Is it possible to blame a guy who is in a relationship and periodically view pornography for treason? Is it possible to consider a change in the situation in which the wife flirts with other men to increase self-esteem? Or is infidelity just physical contact? And again: is a kiss with another partner a betrayal or not?
More often, adultery implies sex on the side. However, in fact the borders of treason are determined every person individually. That is why it is better to discuss this topic immediately in any relationship. And now a few numbers:
- 75% of men and 45% of women change regular partners. These statistics often fluctuate, which proves: not everyone admits (even incognito);
- every 10th child does not grow up with a biological father (and does not always know about it);
- if a person suspects his couple of treason, the chance that this is really true is 85%;
- 55% of guys deny real treason, even if they are “secured against the wall,” and the evidence is obvious;
- girls are more likely to change, being at the age of 25-34 years. The main reason is dissatisfaction with the sexual life;
- 74% of husbands and 68% of wives would change their spouses, provided that they would never know about it.
Isn't that impressive statistics? “Free” relationships seem to be the norm for many, especially given the modern way of life. Some do not consider oral sex a betrayal. There are those who do not consider sexual intercourse with a man of the same sex as a “campaign to the left”.
All these points of view have the right to exist. However, entering into a new relationship, it is better to make sure that your own views on this issue coincide with the opinion of the beloved person. So, just in case.
Types of treason
Physical and moral
Determine the scope of the first much easier. And yet, even she is not always unequivocal. Physical contact occurs at different levels. It may be:
- too long touch (prolonged hug, holding hand);
- touching intimate points (from knees, buttocks, breasts to genitals);
- kisses (on the lips, neck, belly, sometimes even on the hand or cheek);
- petting, frankly exciting movements;
- oral caress;
- standard sex
With moral infidelity, none of this can happen. The partner will always come home on time, and he will never smell like someone else's perfume. However, a key change will happen in his head and thoughts - he will put another person higher than the one with whom is a couple. Will admire them to a greater extent.
In the case of moral treason, the matter does not necessarily concern the love and sexual sphere. The guy will say that the wife of the chief cooks better, and his girlfriend will leave, slamming the door. Or, for example, the spouse in a fit of quarrel will reproach the faithful that their neighbor’s earnings are much higher. And that's all. She did not appreciate her husband and his skills, reproached, compared. For some, this is a serious betrayal.
Random and focused
The latter is explained more simply. The main thing in its implementation is the desire and readiness for action. That is, the traitor deliberately goes on the risk of being caught, insulting someone who trusts him, ruining his reputation - his own and others' as well.
Such adultery is thought over for days, weeks, months and even years. And they can decide on it spontaneously simply because the situation turned out to be suitable or a suitable pretext appeared.
Accidental treason occurs more often in the heat of passion.. Experiences of a traitor after her acquire one of the following characters:
- “I shouldn't have done that. I feel guilty and I want to forget about it as soon as possible. It was an accident that never happens again. ”
- “I made a mistake, but I can be justified. I hardly ever will repeat it, although anything happens in life. "
- “I do not regret what happened. If you return everything back, you would still do the same, because it was worth it. ”
- “I liked it and I want to repeat it again and again. If the opportunity presents itself, I will immediately decide to take this step. ”
Paradox. On the one hand, any betrayal is bad; on the other, it also helps to know oneself and manifest that which was unconsciously suppressed. That is why there are repeated stories in which an exemplary spouse suddenly goes into a long spree. Although after such an act, a person may well behave honestly, tell the partner about everything and terminate the relationship / marriage, or sincerely ask for forgiveness.
How can you change “by accident”? Is the choice not always left to the traitor himself? Examples of non-special treason:
- rape, sexual intercourse due to serious blackmail, coercion;
- sexual intercourse under the influence of narcotic or psychotropic substances (alcohol - in the same category);
- a state of passion, when emotions and instincts completely suppress the mind and adequacy;
- hypnosis. Perhaps the mystic (who believes) is like a love spell or spoilage;
- lack of clarity in the relationship (one thinks that they are still together, and the other - that they broke up).
Another category of situations cause bitter laughter, because the partner has changed, because ... confused. Believe it or not, such cases are also true. “It was dark there, and he / she is so much like you”. If everything really happens unintentionally, then the truth opens in the middle of the road: “And then I realized (a) that this is not your voice / behavior / height / parameters / moles”. As a rule, in such circumstances, no one gets to sex. However, there are exceptions everywhere.
Single and systematic
“If you change time, it will change the second one” - the myth. Adultera really can happen one time and never repeat. Because the man realized his mistake. Or he did not like to hide, hiding the truth. Or simply was not with whom, the opportunity did not turn up.
The fact is that not always traitors go to betrayal a second time. Depends on the type of person and his environment.
But change systematic traitor just can not. No other partner, not even the most ideal, not great love, not even personal desire to remain faithful, will save him from fornication. This type of people is not created for strong trusting relationships. He is content with either a free union or does not burden him at all. In marriage, it changes, changes, and then changes again. That, however, does not prevent him from regretting it, loving his spouse and looking at him with the eyes of a beaten dog.
According to the level and status of the relationship
Matrimonial - adultery in marriage (sometimes in civil or at the stage of engagement).
Love - infidelity in any type of romantic relationship.
Friendly - betrayal of a friend or group of friends. Inflicting moral (sometimes physical) harm to them or switching to the side of enemies.
Ideological - treason to themselves and like-minded people, which consists in deviating from a specific way of thinking She often happens to insecure people with a weak, too malleable character.
State - a large-scale legal crime in which a person causes damage to his country, often in favor of another state.
Why do people change
According to the scientific works of various psychologists, causes of instability before the temptation are:
- dissatisfaction in a relationship, a lack or, conversely, an overabundance of the qualities of a partner or some events in the couple’s life (including boredom, quarrels, remorse “He / she is an ideal, I do not reach”);
- the desire to "make spite", a thirst for revenge. Hence the problem of the inability to talk, to solve problems by an adult, infantilism;
- “Cell effect” or fear of attachment. Works in two directions. “Serious relationship, marriage is a prison. I don't want to feel like a prisoner. ”. Or “What if they leave me?” I’m afraid to be alone, I’ll find a backup option - so much calmer ”.
Oddly enough, the affair on the side can save a relationship for a long time. For example, a person has sincere feelings about his family, does not want to lose it. However, he clearly lacks new sensations or vents. He finds all this on the side and lives himself contentedly. Nervously, cautiously, but contentedly.
Even one-time communication with all its inhumanity sometimes benefit. A person feels the attention, the rise of tone, strength, begins to look better, like yourself externally. The routine is interrupted by one bright burst of emotions that persists for a long time. The mood of a traitor is reflected in households even after the end of an extra-marital affair — dinners become tastier, and nights become hotter.
However, this is not a call for treason, because they always leave the risk of disclosure, which means pain, disappointment, tears.
Signs of a traitor
Psychological
Pathologically incorrect people often have characteristic signs. It is enough to take a closer look at the character of a friend - and it will be easy to find out if he is a windy person.
Typical traitors are most often:
- self-doubt personality dependent on the approval of others. Have low self-esteem, need attention;
- selfish, disregarding the feelings of others. It is believed that infidelity is not too terrible and can easily justify it. True, only if we are talking about their treason. If they change them, they become enraged, completely ignoring their own punctures;
- unstable persons with poorly formed “I.” Their willpower is either weak and depressed, or completely absent. Easily influenced.
People who are addicted to alcohol are also often in the “risk group”.
Behavioral
If a partner changes, there are changes in his behavior. How do they appear:
- coldness, estrangement, isolation, thoughtfulness, the state of "trance";
- the desire to look better, to use perfumes and cosmetics, clothing, emphasizing the advantages of the figure;
- in women, the cessation of home cooking or a clear reluctance to do this;
- enhancement of hygienic personal care (frequent showering, use of cream-gels for intimate areas);
- increased irritation at the sight of mistakes of a spouse or a regular partner. Quibbles, ridicule, often in public;
- loss of sexual interest. Although at first it may even increase, but it’s too early to rejoice - most likely the partner represents someone else.
It should be noted that omens, as a rule, do not come alone. If there is only one or two signs, this may indicate another problem. Also, if a partner initially behaved this way (for example, he is just an introvert and always “on his mind”), then this does not mean that he changes.
Treason does not always manifest itself as a point of no return. Sometimes she is a symptom, paying attention to which you can save the relationship from breaking. And yet, regardless of its type, infidelity hurts. That is why it is much easier to arrange in advance the “prevention” of adultery or bypass the side of a windy man than to clear up the consequences.
