Often people are in relationships that adversely affect on their general psychological state, on self-confidence.
Toxic ratios have signs by which they can be easily recognized.
Concept and Psychology
Toxic relationship - what is it?
Toxic relationship - interaction between people in which both participants or one of them experience emotional discomfort, irritation and psychological fatigue.
In a toxic relationship, most often one partner is the victim and the other is a tyrant.
Tyrant by virtue of his character, subordinates the second partner to his will, imposes his own interests and way of life on him.
Victim, being a weaker person in a pair, submits to the tyrant and for the sake of his interests forgets about his own needs. Such relationships can last for years, and sometimes a lifetime.
The victim hard to get out of themBecause the habit of obeying and general self-doubt forms a subconscious fear of losing this connection.
Often the participants of such interaction equal in strength character, and no one acts as a victim. Nevertheless, a strong and prosperous union still fails.
People are constantly in a state of tension, endlessly ascertain relationships and resolve conflict situations.
In this case, toxic relationships are established due to the fact that the partners simply do not match each other. An alliance with a "not your own" person invariably leads to emotional burnout.
Toxic man
A person who has a negative influence on other people is toxic.
After talking with such people, the mood and general well-being deteriorates.
Moreover, toxic people have a negative impact not only on others, but also on themselves. Often their aggressive behavior they destroy their own livesbecause they can not build healthy relationships neither at work, nor at home, nor among friends.
The main signs of behaviorby which a toxic person can be recognized:
- the desire to manipulate others;
- constant negative attitude to all the events around, changes;
- the habit of complaining, swearing and entering into conflicts for any reason;
- self-criticism;
- high expectations from other people;
- envy;
- jealousy;
- unwillingness to take responsibility (someone else is always to blame for such people, but not them);
- addiction to sarcasm, evil jokes and comments to other people;
- the desire to humiliate those who are lower on the social scale (for example, rudeness towards waiters, cleaners, etc.);
- the presence of a large number of stories about their own victories and achievements that have always happened in the past.
It should be noted that at least one of these signs of behavior there is almost every person.
Often, people show signs of toxicity under the influence of external negative factors (problems in the family, poor health, a bad environment in the team, etc.), but this does not mean that such behavior is always peculiar to them.
In toxic people there is a whole complex The above features. Moreover, these features appear constantly regardless of the time, place, mood of a person.
Causes of development
People with certain psychological problems always enter into a toxic relationship.
A self-confident, emotionally healthy person will never want to act either as a victim or as a tyrant.
Getting into a destructive relationship, prosperous people are always find the strength to part with an inappropriate partner with the least loss.
The main reasons why people enter into a destructive relationship:
- Bad example. Children who observe their entire life bad relationships between parents, built on mutual claims, disrespect and dislike, are likely to repeat this pattern of behavior in the future. Also grown in single-parent families, children, especially girls, can hold on to inappropriate relationships for fear of losing a loved one.
- Repeat bad experience. If the person’s last union was toxic and he was able to get out of it, this does not guarantee the exclusion of a similar situation. A person can, on a subconscious level, again choose the exact same type of partner and re-enter into a destructive relationship.
- Diffidence. The presence of complexes, fears and doubts most often makes a person a victim in a “tyrant-victim” relationship.
General self-doubt does not allow one to defend their own interests, to prove their opinion.
Such a partner is often afraid of losing a loved one, even if he hurts and constantly humiliates. As a result, the tyrant, feeling his advantage, completely subordinates the victim to his will and lowers her self-esteem.
- Fear of being alone. Often, people enter into obviously inappropriate and unnecessary connections for fear of being alone. Thoughts that abandoning this relationship can lead to the loss of a single chance to be with someone together make a person endure constant humiliation.
- Misunderstanding of the situation. One person or both partners may not understand that they negatively affect each other. Love, respect and habit may be present in the couple, but the complete discrepancy of the characters will immediately affect the relationship. They can look for a way out of the situation, constantly discuss the current situation without understanding the simple thing - they do not suit each other.
Signs of
The main signs of such links:
- Parasitism. One partner enjoys life, is engaged in numerous hobbies, travels and communicates with friends while the second partner works for the good of relationships (works, solves problems, settles conflicts, etc.). In such a situation, the first person obviously lives on account of his second half, satisfying all his needs at the cost of his partner.
- Mocking. A person constantly laughs at the appearance, character, hobbies and achievements of his partner. He can also make fun of his family, relatives and friends.
This position is not talking about a kind of sense of humor, but only about the lack of education and a deliberate desire to humiliate a person, to reduce his importance in his own eyes.
- Lack of help. In a relationship, each partner solves all his problems himself, not relying on the help of the second half. Such connections are not healthy. Lack of support and understanding will immediately lead to feelings of dissatisfaction.
- The impossibility of building a dialogue. In a toxic relationship, any problem causes a quarrel, and attempts to establish a dialogue immediately escalate into conflict.
- Lower self-esteem. Being in a toxic relationship, a person feels unhappy. Lack of understanding, care and respect leads to thoughts about their own inferiority and insolvency.
A person often thinks that he is not worthy of a good attitude towards himself and therefore his partner behaves this way.
- Lack of plans. In toxic relationships, partners are so badly together that thoughts about the general future either do not attend them initially, or they rarely visit them and do not provoke any real steps towards rapprochement.
10 early signs of a toxic relationship in this video:
How to get out of them?
Not all people can find the strength to end a bad relationship. It is especially difficult to make such a decision to victims who are involved in toxic relationships.
You can get out of toxic relationships by following the tips below:
- Objectively assess what is happening. You can make a list of pros and cons of these relationships on paper. If there are significantly more minuses, the output will be obvious.
- Realize your real desires. People with low self-esteem often seek to satisfy the interests of all others, little caring about their own benefit. It is important to clearly define your own desires and understand how real communication hinders their implementation.
- Rate the loss. It is necessary to analyze all the damage that has caused a toxic relationship to a person (leaving work, losing money, poor health, anxiety, etc.).
- Realize that the partner will not change. As you know, people do not change. This is a fact to be considered. The partner will never change his character, habits and lifestyle. If the current state of affairs does not suit now, then it is meaningless to expect changes in the future.
- Work on self-esteem: tidy appearance, find hobbies, restore friendships, do their own self-improvement. Taking care of yourself, satisfying your own desires will immediately lead to an increase in self-esteem.
- Prepare for parting. If a couple does not just spend time together, but has a common property or business, living together, then resolving the issue of separation is a little more difficult. It is necessary to think over all practical issues in advance.
- Announce the decision to the partner. It is important not to quarrel, not to sort things out, not to be persuaded. You must calmly report the decision and leave without looking back.
How to avoid?
To avoid entering into a toxic relationship is always important. take care of your own interests and respect yourself. Positive, successful and active people never become participants in a toxic relationship.
It is important to monitor your appearance and health, play sports, be professionally implemented and communicate with a large circle of people.
In this case, the entry into the relationship will not be caused by the desire to avoid loneliness, but by the deliberate choice of a suitable partner from a large number of possible options.
At the beginning of a relationship, one must observe the behavior of a person, his actions and reasoning in various situations. With the appearance of the slightest warning signs of a toxic personality, break acquaintance immediatelywhile avoiding the danger of being bogged down in a destructive bond.
Toxic mother
Sometimes the behavior of the mother is the source of formation in the child. feelings of inferiority, guilt.
Similar problems occur in children "toxic mothers."
The main signs of toxic mother's behavior:
- constant grievances against the child, which are shown solely for the purpose of manipulating and subordinating him to the will of the mother;
- blaming the child for the life's failures of a woman (for example, “if I didn’t have you, I would have succeeded in my career”);
- the desire to control the whole life of a daughter or son, leaving no space for personal space: with whom he communicates, where he spends time, what he thinks about, etc .;
- the constant decline in the child's self-esteem: ridicule of appearance and actions, criticism and comments;
- lack of love: mother does not show affection, care, attention, interest.
Implications for the child
Often the toxic behavior of the mother is transferred to the adult life of her children. She continues control all their actions, criticize and release comments. Sometimes a mother causes a breakdown in her child’s relationship with a partner.
Children of toxic mothers are always deeply insecure, pessimistic and touchy.
Often they cannot build strong family relationships due to own fears and doubtscaused by lack of attention and love in childhood.
What to do with toxic maternal messages?
In childhood It is impossible to deal with this problem.
The child is completely dependent on the mother, she is the main person in his life.
With no intervention on the part of the father or other close relatives, the situation will remain unchanged.
It is quite different with adults. Realizing the damage caused by the behavior of the mother, a person can make efforts to change their thinking and develop a positive attitude towards life.
You must constantly work on your self-esteem and reduce communication with your mother to a minimum, eliminating the possibility of its negative impact on adult life.
the main thing - it is to come to the understanding that the behavior of the mother was wrong and erroneous, and that the man himself was not to blame for anything.
Thus, toxic relationships always enter people with certain psychological problems. It is important to identify such relationships in time according to the appropriate grounds and take effective actions to get out of them.
