How to dissuade the wife who filed for divorce?

In Russia, the divorce rate reaches 50-55%, and, according to research, women file for divorce much more oftenthan men.

Not all husbands, faced with the desire of his wife to divorce, agree that this is a good decision.

If the wife filed for divorce, or was going to file, it is usually still possible to convince, but for this her husband must be ready to change.

Why did this happen?

As a rule, a man whose wife decided to leave him, and so knows wellwhy she made this decision.

If the reasons are not sufficiently transparent, he should politely and without the slightest aggression, even veiled, ask his wife to clearly list them verbally or, if she is uncomfortable to discuss it in real conversation, in writing (in the social network chat, on a sheet of paper).

The main reasons for divorce:

Husband violence. In Russian families, it is widespread, and often they even try to set it up as something normal, especially women and men who belong to the adherents of the traditional family lifestyle.
But in fact, violence is unacceptable, and every woman who decides to marry must be protected from it.
Pathological addictions. This is another common cause of divorce. Under pathological addictions usually refers to alcoholism and drug addiction. However, there may be other pathological dependencies, for example, gambling addiction.
Unfavorable social and living conditions. Rare couples are really able to be happy if they are chronically short of money and do not have their own housing. For developed countries, this problem is less relevant, and for Russia and the countries closest to it - more.

Treason. Spouse can change for various reasons. One of them is the desire to “get” what is missing in other respects. Usually such betrayals occur if there are already noticeable problems in official relations. The second type of infidelity has nothing to do with how the spouses have relationships, just the husband either suddenly fell in love or decided to have a good time.
Inability to get along together due to the nature of the character, dissatisfaction with negative traits. This often happens if a man and a woman are quick to marry. In the period of love, people overly idealize their partner (this is how hormones act), but then the passion fades away, and it turns out that everything is not at all as rosy as it seemed.
Unequal distribution of responsibilities.
If the wife works, and she drags the life with the children alone, and the man declares that taking on part of the chores is not a man’s business, it’s likely that sooner or later she will get tired of this and file for divorce.
The frivolity of one or both spouses. Young people who grew up on fairy tales about love are far from always ready to take on duties and responsibilities, are not able to withstand the difficulties and often do not realize that problems are solved not through hysterics, but through constructive and polite dialogues. Such couples often break up.

Lack of attention from the spouse. If the husband has hobbies, his wife may not like them because he gives them less time because of them. Also, women often feel a lack of attention in cases where men have a very long working day or their work is associated with frequent and long trips.

In most cases, wives are served for divorce. in the presence of several reasons or one weighty. At the same time, women are much less likely to leave men if they become disabled or their appearance deteriorates. Among men, there are many more who consider such reasons weighty enough for a divorce.

The factors that increase the likelihood of divorce are:

severe somatic diseases of one or both spouses, arising before or after marriage;
mental illness of one or both spouses (depression, neurosis, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and others) that occurred before or after marriage.
birth of a child;
middle age crisis.

Often, the decision to file for divorce is spontaneous, not measured, and later the woman realizes that she was mistaken.

How to avoid divorce?

How to convince your wife not to divorce? Tips for men who want to prevent the family from breaking up:

No violence. And this applies to the physical, and psychological, and sexual. Take into account the desires of the spouse, do not press on her, do not insult, do not force to have sex. And about the beatings, even rare, and say nothing.
Be polite, friendly, teach yourself and your spouse to the idea that all problems need to be solved constructively in joint discussions. Tantrums and aggression do not solve problems, but only create additional ones. So to dissuade her from leaving will not work.
Learn to accept criticism and work on yourself. If the criticism is really constructive, of course, it was expressed in the process of comfortable dialogue, and not in a fit of anger. It is important to distinguish criticism from insult.
If an indignant woman during a scandal has spoken various unpleasant things, it is important to let her calm down and discuss everything again later, making it clear that you are ready to listen and are not going to show aggression.
Help with the housework. Even if a woman does not work and, in principle, copes with everything, you still do it: this is your home too. There is no shame in washing the dishes, vacuuming the room, wiping the spilled drink, making dinner or helping with organizing a holiday, especially since your wife is still your wife and not a free cleaner and cook. And if a woman works or takes care of a small child, all the more you need a constructive approach to the distribution of responsibilities.

Trust. Trust is the basis of a healthy and strong family. At the same time, it is necessary to distinguish trust from intrusion into personal zones under the pretext of trust. Every person should have the opportunity to have something personal, even if he has a spouse. Trust assumes that you will be ready to share with your spouse your thoughts, experiences, ideas, like her, and each of you in the dialogue will receive support, not aggression or indifference.

It is also extremely important to take a spouse and support her, to realize that time and illness can change her externally and internally, and be ready to accept her and then.

What to do if the wife filed a document in court?

How to keep my wife from divorce? In most cases, men have long been aware that their woman decided to leave, and news its action does not become.

However, if a man does not want to part, he still has some time to try to rectify the situation, especially if the decision on divorce was rather spontaneous than considered: the laws of most countries provide for a time period between filing the application and direct divorce, so that discussed everything again and may have changed their minds.

During the trial should report that you do not want to divorceand ask for time for reconciliation.

The duration of this period varies and depends on the presence or absence of a couple of children, the reasons for divorce and other factors. It is also important to find a lawyer.

In some cases, try making a change in the wife’s decision is extremely difficult, essentially impossible. This usually happens in the following cases:

one of the main reasons is systematic violence;
the family was already on the verge of divorce, you promised to change, but did little;
You suffer from pathological addiction, destroying the family, and attempts to heal yourself have repeatedly failed.

What to say to my wife so that she does not divorce? If you do not want your wife to leave, and you managed to get time for reconciliation, important:

Try to agree, find a compromise on each acute problem. Before talking, try to let your wife know that you are not going to resort to aggression. Throughout the dialogue, keep calm, be extremely polite and attentive.
Your task: to ask your wife about the problems that she sees in the relationship, and find out what solutions, not related to divorce, she can offer.
Also try to gently suggest your own options, offer to discuss them too. If you cannot realize something in principle or in the short term, report it and provide constructive arguments.

After discussion, start changing the situation so that the wife sees that you are ready to work on the problem and take responsibility. Empty promises are not needed. If you really want to keep your family, you need to change, depending on which compromises you and your wife came to during the dialogue: change jobs to more paid ones, be polite and more restrained, pay more attention, look for common interests.
Book an appointment with a family psychologist, suggest his wife to visit him. It is advisable to do this after a relative understanding with it has already been established, because otherwise you can get a negative reaction. If the wife is suspicious of such specialists, you can try to tell her about the positive experiences of other people, preferably those whom she knows personally. A psychologist will help find problems in the family and find a solution.
Turn to a psychotherapist, if you feel that you are not coping with everything that happens or you think that some mental diseases can affect your behavior.
If you have noticed that in recent months or years you feel excessive irritability, apathy, melancholy, it is difficult for you to control yourself, you get tired quickly, going to a psychotherapist may be a good idea.

How to behave?

Psychological advice:

Discuss with your wife the details of how you will interact after the divorce. During all conversations, keep calm and politeness. Possible topics for discussion: financial assistance to children born in wedlock, communication and frequency of meetings with them, mutual relations after a divorce (opportunities for friendship, friendship), the question of the division of property and other issues that could arise between a man and a woman. Of course, if a woman is very angry with her almost ex-husband, such a dialogue is hardly possible.
Visit a psychotherapist if you feel that you are not coping. Increased irritability, mood swings, prolonged depression, emptiness, the feeling that life is meaningless, excessive fatigue, the appearance of increased craving for alcohol and other stimulants, difficulties with concentration - all these are reasons to visit a specialist.
Take care of yourself. Try to keep the thoughts about the coming divorce from significantly deteriorating mental state. Do more of what you like to get distracted, chat with friends.
Analyze the causes that led to what happened: maybe it makes sense to change something in yourself so that in the future it will be easier to improve relations with someone.

If possible, it is important not to insult your wife and her surroundings during this period and in the future: you should keep your face in any situation.

How to communicate after what happened?

Recommendations:

if, prior to the divorce, you jointly discussed how you will interact, simply use the selected schemes and plans;
if they were not, act according to the situation (the most important thing is to pay child support regularly, even if there is no opportunity to see them);
when communicating with your wife, do not hit insults and accusations: this will not improve relationships and will not help to establish mutual understanding;
if you think that friendship or even repeated romantic relationships are possible, in any case, wait a while: you both need to adjust to new circumstances and cope with negative feelings for each other.